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Many children with special needs are thriving in foster care
Gabe, almost two, is a beautiful little boy with mesmerizing eyes the color of a cloudless blue sky and hair the color of wheat dappled with sunlight. When he smiles, his sweetness brightens the room, and it is momentarily difficult to remember that he was born with significant brain injuries due to a traumatic birth.
"Gabe's gross and fine motor skills are very limited," says Joanne Farias of New Bedford, his foster mother. "He can't sit up independently, walk or feed himself. He is a lot of work, because of his physical challenges, but he is so very loving. He inspires us as people to help him work to be the best that he can be."
Children like Gabe are removed from their homes and placed with the Department of Children and Families Foster Care Program because they have been abused, neglected or live in unsafe or dangerous conditions. Almost all have special needs due to the stress, turmoil and sense of loss they experience when they are removed from their birth family. Some have added needs that can include physical, medical, intellectual, developmental and emotional challenges as well.
All are children in desperate need of permanent, safe homes and compassionate parenting, a place to heal and reach their personal potential.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimates that there were just over 400,000 children under the foster care umbrella in 2011 with over 100,000 waiting to be adopted. Although many children await adoption, that usually is not the first goal for the child.
"The first priority is to help families raise their children in a healthy and appropriate manner," says Janice Halpern, Director of Public Relations and Fund Raising for the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange. (MARE) "With about 75 percent of the children in foster care, the goal is reunification with their birth family. For about 25 percent, it becomes clear that adoption is in their best interest. For whatever reason, they cannot be raised by their birth parents."
Halpern adds that "the child's goal then becomes adoption. The next priority is to find an adult relative who will raise the child. They can adopt the child or become their legal guardian. If that is not possible, MARE casts a wider net to help find a permanent family for the child."
The key to a successful adoption is a good match between a child's needs and a family's ability to meet them. Sometimes that takes time. These children are sometimes angry. They are usually afraid and lack the ability to trust. They need structure, love and patience, and a safe place to call home, if even for a few weeks or months. Foster care is an alternative that offers the child a caring and stable home while awaiting the permanency of an adoptive family.
The Farias have considered transitioning Gabe from foster care to adoption.
Farias says that she and her husband Wayne, 51, "would gladly adopt Gabe ourselves, if we were five years younger. We have grown to love him during the time we have been his foster parents, but it is probable that Gabe will always need some level of care. Long term, my husband and I are concerned that we may not be able to supply the level of care Gabe needs. We are hoping that a caring family will come forward to give Gabe a loving permanent home. We would love to be a support system for any family that adopts him."
The couple are not new to foster care and adoption. It has been a thread woven through the fabric of their lives.
When Joanne Farias was 24 years old and still single, she adopted a 12 year old foster child named Lori with Down's Syndrome. "I was babysitting for Lori's family and knew her well. I was worried about her future and decided I wanted to make a long term commitment to her, so I adopted her," she said.
The Farias have continued to make that kind of a difference. They married in 1988, had four natural children of their own, and then, in 1997, they began taking special needs foster children into their home. Over the ensuing years, the couple has taken over 20 children into their care with conditions that have included behavioral problems, organ transplants, brain injuries, spinal bifida, cerebral palsy and failure to thrive issues.
Three years ago, the Farias were the foster parents of a little girl we will call Ashley, who had significant developmental and feeding issues. After caring for her for two years, they decided to formally adopt her.
Ashley is now an active five year old and thriving. She is inquisitive, curious, busy with her toys and books as her mother and father speak, and playful with the dog who has stretched out on the floor beside her.
"When Joanne first started foster care, I told her it was OK with me, just don't get me involved," says Wayne Farias. "But that's easier said than done. It's hard not to notice these children who come to you with no physical possessions at all, but still have an overwhelming amount of love, strength and courage. You can't help but get involved. They make all of us stronger, closer and more caring."
The Department of Children and Families supervises the adoption of foster children. Although those children with significant special needs are more challenging to place, permanent homes are found for them as well.
"Our data does indicate that approximately 55-60 percent of the children adopted through DCF receive some extra care due to medical, behavioral or mental health issues," says Cayenne Isaksen, Director of Public Affairs, Department of Children and Families. "Yet, we have countless families who knowingly adopt children with those special needs. Many have gone to great lengths to meet the needs of their children."
Nancy Kinder, Adoption Development Supervisor in the Southern Region for the Department of Children and Families, says that, "all of the children for whom we recruit have the overlay of neglect and abuse. But, we almost always place them. The severely challenged children are more difficult to place. It is a special family that takes a child with significant medical needs, but, by using all of the resources we have, we have been able to find loving adoptive parents for them as well."
Amanda Munroe, 38, of Wareham is one such parent. She is in the process of adopting Justin, 19 months old, a child with special needs.
"I am a single Mom with a teenage biological son who has a genetic disorder," says Munroe "I sought adoption because I want to be a Mom again, but chose not to have more biological children. Adoption was my answer."
Munroe says that Justin is "developmentally delayed and is considered a failure- to-thrive child. I felt as if I already had experience with a child who is struggling with medical issues, so I thought I would be a good fit for another child with special needs."
"The joy I get from caring for Justin far outweighs the day to day struggles with his condition. He makes my older son and I laugh. He completes our family. In fact, it has been such a positive experience, I am considering adopting another special needs child when Justin's adoption is finalized, so that he will have a sibling close to his own age to grow up with."
Munroe adds that there are a tremendous amount of resources available from the Department of Children and Families. "I just have to pick up the phone and I can speak to a social worker or a nurse," she says. "It's a wonderful support system."
"I think my life is normal," she says, then hesitates ever so briefly and adds, "just a different kind of normal."
Perhaps, making the world a better place begins with saving its children, even if that is just one child at a time.
"When you open your heart and take a journey with a child in need, it really makes a difference in the life of the child, and it enriches your life and the lives of your family forever," Joanne Farias says with a smile, as Gabe lies sleeping contentedly, his head resting on her shoulder.
Marsha Zeitz
5 May 2013
http://www.southcoasttoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130505/LIFE/305050354
