Listen to thisChildren's lies should be addressed appropriately
In the classic children’s fairy tale Pinocchio, a wooden puppet, has a nose that grows longer each time he tells a lie. It is impossible for Pinocchio or any listener to deny his lie.
After various bouts of troublesome behavior, Pinocchio learns to be good and gets to become a real boy.
Most parents who struggle with children who tell lies wish it were as simple as this fairy tale. Real children who lie are not easily discovered or easily cured.
Lying causes parents grief and, if not corrected, could lead to serious consequences for the child.
A child’s first lie is probably told by age 4. This is a sign of normal childhood development. It takes intelligence to replace the truth with fiction.
Lying is wrong and a poor coping skill. Dr. Victoria Talwar, a leading researcher in childhood behavior, believes lying is not a phase children will grow out of but a habit they can grow into. The deceptive behaviors will continue if children learn that it gives them an advantage.
Early childhood is the critical time for parents to make telling the truth more appealing than dishonesty. Reward children who tell the truth and make sure there are appropriate consequences for telling lies.
Peer pressure and the need to fit in lead teens to try lying as a way to cope with their stress. Older children lie to avoid punishment, to feel a sense of power or to get attention. These lies are harder to detect and the consequences are more severe.
Children who lie lose their self-esteem to cover old lies with new. Habitually lying children actually may lose the ability to believe truth when they hear or see it.
Habitual lying during adolescence may be a sign of a significant social or behavioral problem, such as sexual promiscuity, substance use or criminal behavior. Lies that cover up risky social behavior can become dangerous for both parents and children.
It is never too late to help your child tell the truth. After many years of lying, family relationships and trust can be restored.
Parents must lead in building broken relationships by not overreacting and not being judgmental when their children confide in them. It’s best to work together on problem-solving and agreeing on clear consequences, which should be calmly enforced.
There is no fairy tale ending, as with Pinocchio. It takes time to rebuild confidence in a child who used to lie, but it is an ending worth fighting for after all.
Feature: Youth First
30 April 2013
http://www.courierpress.com/news/2013/apr/30/childrens-lies-should-be-punished-appropriately/
