Listen to thisWhat makes some children resilient, even in the most difficult situations? The author examines factors that contribute to one youth’s resilience and offers suggestions for fostering resilience and hope in other young people.
Why do some children bounce back, even from seemingly horrific childhoods? What traits distinguish the resilient child, the child in whom hope persists? The difficult experiences of one such child, Jennifer, might have been expected to lead to difficulties in her adult life. Yet this woman who endured a childhood of psychological and social abuse is now a successful professional. Her experience offers insights into the promising area of resilience research. For although many individuals like Jennifer are at risk for developing some type of mental disorder, there is surprising good news in more than half of the cases in which the three primary sources of risk factors are present: individual traits, family interactions, and environmental situation (Garmezy, 1983) Benard (1995) estimates that between 50% and 67% of children who grow up in homes where these risk factors are present do not develop any mental disorder.
These are the children we need to understand if we are to have a complete picture of resilience. Only then can we hope to discover methods of circumventing these risk factors, or at least of reducing the impact such factors have on children. Two questions urgently need to be answered: “How do some children develop resilience?” and “Can we find ways to foster resilience in other children who are struggling?”
Portrait of Resilience
Jennifer is a survivor, according to the definition offered by Radke-Yarrow and Sherman (1990). She has no psychiatric diagnoses, performs well in school and work, relates well to peers and adult authorities, and has a positive self-concept. She also has several constitutional factors found in many resilient individuals:
It is generally believed that protective factors work to counteract the influence of risk factors. However, even children identified as resilient carry the scars of earlier abuse and stress with them throughout their lives. Brown and Rhodes (1991) state that these children go through periods of difficulty, and that resilience is not the avoidance of risk factors but rather is an adaptation away from such difficult periods.
My own research suggests that some individuals go through multiple struggles that alternate with periods of resilience. That is, recovery is not a single, discrete event, but a series of events, It is important for professionals who work with such children to realize that relapses are a part of the process. We must be willing to persevere and to help the youth with whom we work to persevere.
What seems to characterize the resilient individual is hope that things will improve and will one day be okay-really okay. Such was Jennifer’s belief. A brief study of Jennifer’s experiences will illustrate how resilient individuals function and suggest how we can help more young people learn how to be resilient.
Jennifer’s Story
Jennifer was separated from her mother at 2 months of age. Before her first birthday, she had spent time in the care of her father, her paternal grandparents, two foster homes, and one orphanage. In 10 months, Jennifer experienced changes of residence and caregivers at least five times before she was adopted.
Jennifer’s adoptive parents seemed normal, yet their facade of normality masked alcoholism and other problems, which were exacerbated by financial difficulties. The husband was verbally, psychologically, physically, and sexually abusive to Jennifer. The mother offered no assistance and instead contributed to the verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse. She constantly criticized Jennifer and blamed Jennifer for her husband’s sexual advances.
As the couple’s marital strife increased, Jennifer became a pseudospouse, her older sister (a foster child) became the mother figure, and their mother isolated herself more and more from all family members, breaking her silence only on rare occasions to speak to the older sister. Jennifer’s parents tried to isolate the family from the immediate neighborhood and from society as a whole. Jennifer explains:
I knew I couldn’t have anyone over after school or on weekends and I couldn’t go over to anyone else’s house after school or on weekends. The only place I was allowed to go was to school, and I couldn’t miss school no matter how sick I felt.
On the rare occasions when Jennifer’s immediate family would join other family members, such as on holidays or for other celebrations, the abuse continued:
The grown-ups sat around and talked, before dinner, during dinner, after dinner. I sat quietly until the time between dinner and dessert. That’s when my father would call me to stand beside him where he sat at the head of the table. He would then cue me to tell the latest joke he had very carefully taught me. These jokes were always full of sexual innuendoes about men and women or men and animals. I never quite understood them, but everyone laughed and Dad smiled at me. One of the very few times I think he was somehow proud of me. Fortunately, at some point I grew too old to carry it off, and I wasn’t asked to recite them anymore-except when dad and I were alone.
Jennifer learned over time that she had little or no control over her environment or her life. In her mind, there was no direct link between her behavior and the punishment administered to her.
My father beat me and my older sister, and my older sister beat me. He would have us-at every age strip naked and then he beat us with a belt. On hindsight, I think he got off on it. ‘Cause later he would assault us sexually. And we couldn’t always figure out why we were being punished, I mean, sure there were times we misbehaved. But there were just as many times where there we were, bent over, butt naked, and not knowing why. We learned it was worse if you acted like you didn’t know why.
Her older sister would also physically abuse Jennifer:
My sister beat me so bad a couple of times, I thought I would die! She said that herself, I mean, the part that she thought I would die.
Jennifer’s suicide ideation began at the age of 8. She had been taught powerlessness and so had no real belief that she had the ability to take her own life. Instead, she prayed fervently to be taken to heaven. She asked to be allowed to die, to escape from her pain. When this prayer was not granted, she lapsed deeper into depression, believing that even God did not want her. In spite of this, Jennifer found some solace in attending church.
Jennifer did find a sense of accomplishment at school. She sincerely enjoyed attending school and had a few favorite teachers along the way who took a special interest in her. Unfortunately, her adoptive father interfered even in this arena:
Whenever I got to the top [of the class], I got too much attention from home-not good attention either. Punishment dealt out for being a “show-off.” So I was careful to learn whatever I was taught, but not to let the teachers know that I learned everything.
When interviewed, Jennifer’s friends and acquaintances often used the same adjective to describe her – courageous. Jennifer believes these friends and acquaintances have missed one of her key characteristics-tenacity:
It’s good to be courageous, but tenacious courage doesn’t let go-doesn’t give up-ever-no matter what. I know I got a lot of help-from God, therapists, friends. I also know that tenacity has enabled me to achieve goals I wouldn’t have achieved otherwise.
Beating the Odds
Jennifer’s earliest experiences put her in a vulnerable position. According to Rutter (1983), the period most marked by distress is between the ages of 6 months and 4 years. During this period, children begin making selective attachments. Children who experience frequent periods of separation, as Jennifer did, are unable to maintain relationships. Rutter also states that long-term effects likely result from changes in caregivers. Jennifer experienced at least five changes in caregivers during her first year of life.
Jennifer’s family conforms to the picture of a typical family of an incest victim (Johnson & Leff, 1999). Other factors in this case already identified as risk factors are:
In addition, children of alcoholics tend to show increased anxiety and depression, low self-esteem, and the sense that they lack control over their environment (Johnson & Bennett, 1988). But Jennifer was also a survivor, one of the resilient ones. She showed tenacious perseverance in the sense that she would not stop hoping that her situation would improve. Jennifer’s modus operandi was to experience adversity, suffer from depression, but then, as the word resilience itself suggests – re (back) + salire (to leap) – bounce back.
After leaving home, finishing college, and starting a career, Jennifer did suffer recurrences of lack of confidence, sexual confusion, and severe depression. But in every case, she found ways to overcome adversity. Jennifer currently holds a graduate degree and works as a professional.
She has been evaluated professionally by her peers and immediate supervisors as efficient, hard-working, more than competent, and well-liked. She has been married for more than 10 years, is a homeowner, and is very active in her church. She has close friends, mostly from work and church. As an adult, she appears to be successful, happy, and confident.
Fostering Resilience
How can we help more stories end as happily as Jennifer’s? I recommend the following three strategies.
Don’t give up. Those of us who strive to help troubled children should not give up on them. We must be sensitive to the presence of cycles of resilience. It seems that only those children formally identified as having achieved stability are seen as resilient. But these children could have experienced one or more periods of difficulty on their way to stability. We must be wary of judging too quickly. If all we observe is one slice of a person’s life, and if that slice is from a difficult period, we might incorrectly decide that the person is not resilient. If we could see the entire picture and persevere with this person, he or she might indeed move through the cycle into a period of stability.
Find ways to spend more time listening to children. Jennifer did not display any behaviors in school that called attention to the risk factors in her home environment. It is known that good behavior does not always indicate emotional health (Luthar, 1991). Children who are nearly invisible to teachers, counselors, and school nurses may need additional attention if we are to identify any risk factors that may be present. Those who work in schools must look beneath the surface in order to better assist children at risk. Teachers, counselors, and school nurses need sufficient time to interact with students individually and in small groups.
Be an advocate for change. Unfortunately, those of us who work with children are not always in a position to use these strategies. Larger institutional issues may need to be addressed. Systemic improvements in the placement of foster and adopted children are clearly needed. This will probably involve hiring more social workers. Additional home visits, or perhaps lengthier ones, might have alerted authorities to the risk factors in Jennifer’s adoptive family. In addition, school employees will need help if they are to gain the time they need to identify children who are suffering invisibly. Too often administrative responsibilities reduce the time teachers, counselors, and nurses have to spend with the children under their care. It is hard for overworked, harried adults to establish trusting relationships and engage in activities that would allow them to identify risk factors in anyone child’s life.
Lessons of Resilience The lessons of resilience are as important to those who work with children as to the children themselves. We must also exhibit tenacious perseverance and refuse to be deterred. After all, relapses do occur. Although it is not yet known what triggers a relapse, the important message here is not to give up. As Garmezy (1983) states, “there is little gained by those who cry havoc while failing to heed the recurrent findings of our research literature on the ability of children to meet and conquer adversity” (p. 78). To this it might be added: the ability of children to meet and conquer adversity again and again. We must do whatever is in our power-allocate funding, change laws, work to increase awareness-in order to help those who are least able to help themselves, but who might prove to be most able to help themselves if we could offer them the hopeful promise of resilience.
References
Benard, B. (1995). Fostering resilience in children.
Urbana, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education. (ERIC Document Reproduction Service No. ED 386 327).
Brown, W. K., & Rhodes, W. A. (1991) Factors that promote invulnerability and resiliency in at-risk children. In W. A. Rhodes and W. K. Brown (Eds.) Why some children succeed despite the odds (pp. 171-177). New York: Praeger.
Chandy, J. M., Blum, R. W., & Resnick, M.D. (1996a). Female adolescents with a history of sexual abuse: Risk outcome and protective factors. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 11, 503-512.
Chandy, J. M . Blum, R. W., & Resnick, M. D. (1996b). Gender-specific outcomes for sexually abused adolescents. Child Abuse & Neglect. 20, 1219-1231.
Garmezy, N. (1983). Stressors of childhood. In N. Garmezy & M. Rutter (Eds.) Stress, coping. and development in children (pp. 43-82). New York: McGraw-Hill.
Johnson, 1, & Bennett, L. (1988). School-aged children of alcoholics: Theory and research. Piscataway, NJ: Center for Alcohol Studies, Rutgers University. (ERIC Document Reproduction Service No. ED 311371).
Johnson, 1, & Leff, M. (1999). Children of substance abusers: Overview of research findings. American Academy of Pediatrics. 103, 1085-1099.
Jordan, L., & Chassin, L. (1998, August). Protective factors for children of alcoholics: Parenting, family environment, child personality, and contextual supports. Paper presented at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association, San Francisco, CA.
Luthar, S. S. (1991). Vulnerability and resilience: A study of high-risk adolescents. Child Development, 62,600-616.
McIntyre, K., White, D., & Yoast, R. (1990). Resilience among high-risk youth. Madison, WI: Wisconsin Clearinghouse. (ERIC Document Reproduction Service No. ED 333 278)
Radke-Yarrow, M., & Sherman, T. (1990). Hard growing: Children who survive. In 1 Rolf (Ed.), Risk and protective factors in the development of psychopathology (pp. 97-119). Melbourne, Australia: Press Syndicate.
Rutter, M. (1983). Stress, coping, and development: Some issues and some questions. In N. Garmezy & M. Rutter (Eds.) Stress, coping, and development in children (pp. 1-42). New York: McGraw-Hill.
Sugland, B., Zaslow, M., & Winquist, C. (1993). Risk, vulnerability, and resilience among youth: In search of a conceptual framework. Paper presented at the Ford and William T. Grant Foundations Pathways to Achievement Among At,Risk Youth Conference, New York, NY.
From: Reaching Today’s Youth, Vol.4 Issue 4, pp14-17.
