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This month I share the remarkable story of Obaidul Kader — a tale of resilience, determination, and transformation. Born into circumstances that many would find overwhelming, Obaidul grew up in a children’s home designed for the children of sex workers—a place that, for all its protections, could never fully shield its residents from the harsh realities and societal stigmas that accompanied their birth. In a place where the lines between care and control often blur, Obaidul’s journey from a mischievous child known for his cheeky antics to a successful entrepreneur is nothing short of inspiring.
This narrative is not merely about Obaidul’s personal achievements; it also reflects on the systems that shaped him, the challenges he faced, and the choices he made that led him to where he is today. It explores the delicate balance of providing care while preparing young people for the outside world — a world that can be both harsh and unforgiving, especially for those carrying the weight of societal stigma.
Over several months, I had the privilege of speaking with Obaidul multiple times, delving into his experiences, his thoughts on the care home that raised him, and his vision for the future. These conversations painted a picture of a young man determined to succeed, deeply understanding the complexities of his background and the importance of giving back to the community that, in many ways, made him who he is today.
Early Life in the Children’s Home: The Foundation of Resilience
Obaidul’s journey began when he was around ten years old. The children’s home, established to provide care for the children of sex workers, aimed to protect them from the dangers and stigmas associated with their mothers’ professions. However, these institutions also reminded them of their otherness—separated from society, labelled by their birth, and often judged before they could prove themselves.
Despite these challenges, Obaidul thrived in this environment. Known for his mischievous nature, he led his peers in orchestrating fun and mischief, which endeared him to the other children. His leadership qualities were apparent even then, as was his ability to navigate the complexities of his environment with humour and a keen understanding of human nature.
Education was the cornerstone of life at the children’s home, and Obaidul was no exception. Like his peers, he attended the community primary school at the children’s home, established initially for children denied admission to local schools due to their background. Over time, the school opened its doors to children from the broader community, offering them better education and healthcare support—an inclusive approach to integrating the home’s children into society.
After completing his primary education, Obaidul continued to a local high school for his secondary education and then to a district college for his higher secondary education. He excelled academically while honing his social skills, earning the respect of his peers and the recognition of the staff, who saw his potential despite his occasionally exasperating antics.
The Transition: From a Small Town to the Capital
As Obaidul progressed through his education, the question of his future became more pressing. When the opportunity arose for him to attend a prestigious university college in the capital city—a move that would take him 100 miles away from the familiarity of the children’s home—it was met with a mixture of excitement and anxiety.
The home authorities were unsure whether Obaidul could adapt to life in the bustling, often overwhelming capital. However, encouraged by his maternal cousin already living there, Obaidul saw this as an opportunity to further his education and broaden his horizons and gain the skills and knowledge necessary to navigate the wider world.
Supported by the children’s home, which covered all his expenses, Obaidul’s transition to the capital city was a significant investment in his future. This support was not extended to everyone; it was reserved for those who showed academic promise or a desire for vocational training, and Obaidul had proven himself worthy of this trust. His time in the capital was marked by hard work and perseverance. He completed both his undergraduate and master’s degrees in sociology while navigating the challenges of living away from the safety net of the children’s home.
A Different Path: Choosing Entrepreneurship Over Stability
Upon completing his degrees, Obaidul faced a choice defining his next life phase. The children’s home, along with its parent organisation, offered him a job — an offer that many in his position would have jumped at, especially in a country where unemployment among the educated youth was rampant. However, Obaidul was not content with the security of a steady job. He had other plans that involved taking risks and stepping into the uncertain world of ‘entrepreneurship’.
This decision was met with concern and scepticism. The organisation’s CEO and the principal of the children’s home held a long conversation with Obaidul, questioning his decision and expressing doubts about his ability to succeed in the business world without prior experience. They pointed out the risks involved, the lack of capital, and the skills required to run a successful business — all valid concerns for a young man just starting out.
But Obaidul was adamant. He had a vision for his future that went beyond the conventional path. He wanted to create jobs, not just for himself but also for others. He planned to start small, opening a furniture showroom near a busy bus station, leveraging the land his mother had purchased years before. It was a bold move that required not just business acumen but also courage and a willingness to defy expectations. Finally, the CEO promised to offer him a substantial loan if he could demonstrate the viability and feasibility of starting his own business.
Building a Business: Challenges and Triumphs
As expected, the early days of Obaidul’s business venture were challenging. With limited capital — most of it borrowed from friends and saved from his part-time job as a bus conductor — he started small. The furniture in his showroom belonged to a company, and the commission on sales was low, especially in the beginning when foot traffic was slow.
However, Obaidul remained undeterred. He knew that to succeed, he would need to diversify and expand. Slowly, he began to set up a small factory to manufacture furniture, catering to the specific needs of the local community. By sourcing raw materials locally and customising the furniture to meet customer demands, he carved out a niche in the market. Within five years, his business had grown significantly. From a starting capital of just £500, his running capital increased to £30,000.
Obaidul’s business is thriving. He employs seven people, providing not just for himself and his family, but also creating opportunities for others. His success indicates that with the right mindset and support, even those who start with the odds stacked against them can achieve great things.
Life Beyond the Business: Personal Reflections and Community Involvement
Obaidul’s success in business is just one aspect of his story. His personal life has also flourished. He married Bonna, a classmate from the children’s home who pursued higher education in social work. After their wedding, organised by the children’s home authority, Bonna left the home to join Obaidul in their new life together. The home provided all the necessary support, including a job for Bonna.
Bonna, now a branch manager at a poverty alleviation programme under the parent organisation that once supported them, has been a steadfast partner in Obaidul’s journey. Together, they are raising a daughter, and their family life is a source of joy and fulfilment.
However, Obaidul’s reflections on his past are not just about his success. He remains deeply connected to the children’s home and the broader community of care leavers. He understands that his journey is not solely his own. Obaidul regularly visits the children’s home, offering guidance and support to the current residents. He understands the challenges they face, having walked the same path himself. Additionally, he provides financial support for the education of eleven marginalised children in his neighbourhood community — a way of giving back and ensuring that others have the opportunities he had.
The Challenges of Growing Up: A Look Back at Adolescence
Obaidul’s reflections on his time in care and the experiences of others offer valuable insights into what could have been done better to improve care practices. He speaks positively about his experiences in care, the system's policies and practices, and the people who showed him love, affection, kindness, hope, aspiration, guidance, and support to prepare him for the challenges of the world. He acknowledges that this love and care played a crucial role in shaping his future.
He reminisces about moments that made him feel special, such as study visits to different parts of the country, introductions to national forums, and opportunities to voice his opinions. He also recalls the numerous activities and training sessions, annual sports events, parent and community meetings, cultural programmes, and interactions with foreigners at the children’s home — all of which encouraged the children to learn English and broaden their horizons.
However, Obaidul also recognises gaps in the system — gaps that, if addressed, could have prevented hurtful events such as the expulsion of four young people. He mentions an incident where four boys were expelled for physically assaulting the children’s home principal, noting that misunderstandings and tensions arose from a lack of mutual understanding. Obaidul pointed out that some teachers had forgotten that ‘we were in our late teens and couldn't always think rationally.’
Studying sociology helped Obaidul better understand the children’s home, his friends from the brothel, and their culture, as well as the stigma attached to it, resilience, frustration, hope, and identity. However, he acknowledges that not everyone had the same opportunity, which meant that some were unaware of the complexities faced by adolescents with rough childhoods in brothels. He emphasises that they faced more stigma than their peers living with their parents in mainstream society due to their birth identity and their mothers' profession.
Obaidul identifies a key area for improvement: the need for staff to be better trained in adolescent behaviour, identity, and the complex emotional and social challenges faced by children from such backgrounds. He believes that a deeper understanding of these issues could have helped prevent negative outcomes, such as the expulsion of the boys.
A Two-Way Street: The Role of Care and Self-Responsibility
Obaidul also recognises that care is a two-way street. ‘The staff of the children’s home can guide us as 'parent figures' with love, care, and control,’ he says. ‘In return, we should be open to accepting their advice and motivated to make positive changes. Sometimes, we need to take on challenges to overcome obstacles. We need to show motivation, desire, and enthusiasm to prove that we are committed to making a change for the better. Only then will the staff do everything in their power to help us, just like any good parent would do for their own children. I remember clearly that we were told that we shouldn't give up if we fail. Instead, we should learn from our mistakes and take the next step. We shouldn't be afraid, as they will support us until we can stand on our own feet. We should have taken advantage of the opportunities available and avoided blaming and excusing.’
To Obaidul, the world is full of opportunities that must be harnessed for good. He gratefully acknowledges,
Home made me who I am today. The love, care, education, hope, and inspiration I received from you all improved my life. If I hadn't had this opportunity, I might have ended up on the street or in the brothel, involved with drugs and human trafficking, or in a mafia group.
Giving Back: Obaidul’s Legacy
As Obaidul continues building his business and life, he remains committed to giving back to the community that supported him. His work with marginalised children, his continued involvement with the children’s home, and his efforts to raise awareness about the challenges care leavers face are all part of his legacy.
He understands that his success is not just a personal achievement; it is also a testament to the support he received and a reminder of his responsibility to help others who are still in need. Through his actions, he hopes to inspire others to do the same, creating a ripple effect that can transform many lives.
A Reflection for Learning and Change
Obaidul's remarks did not surprise me, but they did prompt reflection. I realised that we could have achieved better results had we been more educated and well-informed about the aspects he highlighted. As pioneers of this type of children’s home, we lacked prior experiences and role models to guide us. It is crucial to acknowledge that sex workers and their children continue to be stigmatised within our society. For instance, the identity of a deceased father is often considered preferable to having no father at all — many of these children remain unaware of their biological fathers' identities.
The Broader Impact: Influencing Policy and Society
Obaidul’s story and the lessons learned from his experiences have broader implications for policy and practice. Over the last 20 years, the organisation that ran the children’s home has evolved, learning from its successes and failures and influencing broader policy changes in the country. One of the most significant achievements has been advocating for the rights of children born to sex workers, leading to policy changes that ensure their access to education, healthcare, and social services. We successfully influenced the government to amend policies and practices to recognise biological mothers as legal guardians on school admission papers for children of sex workers. We also played a pivotal role in influencing laws to increase penalties for human traffickers and sex abusers, benefiting thousands of children and youths.
These policy changes have profoundly impacted many children's lives, providing them with opportunities that were once denied to them.
Conclusion and Reflection
Reflecting on Obaidul’s journey, it becomes clear that the power of opportunity can transform lives in profound and unexpected ways. His story is not just about personal success but also about resilience, determination, and the drive to give back to the community that once nurtured him. Through his experiences, we see the intricate balance between support and self-reliance and how the right encouragement at crucial moments can make all the difference. It reminds us that care doesn’t end when a child leaves the care home; rather, it continues through the values instilled and the opportunities provided for them to stand on their own.
Moreover, Obaidul’s commitment to creating jobs and supporting the education of marginalised children is a testament to the impact of nurturing potential. It challenges us to think about our roles in society and how we, too, can contribute to breaking the cycles of poverty and stigma that persist.
Obaidul’s story is one of hope — a hope that with the right support, determination, and a little bit of courage, anyone can overcome the odds stacked against them. His journey shows that it is possible to break the cycle of stigma and create a future defined not by one’s past but by the choices one makes and the opportunities one is given.
In conclusion, I would like to recall Rosalind Folman’s narrative in Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids, which offers a poignant reflection on the significance of how children are raised, rather than where they are raised. Through her own harrowing experience under kinship care in the USA — a model currently favoured by many child welfare experts in the West-Folman illustrates the profound impact of care quality on a child’s development and preparation. Like that of Obaidul, her story underscores the need for well-run institutional care that can provide a stable, supportive environment to foster a sense of self-worth and ambition.
Obaidul’s journey from a children’s home to a successful entrepreneur reflects better care practices. Both stories, one from a resource-poor country and the other from the affluent USA, highlight that it is not merely the physical setting of a child’s upbringing that matters but the support they receive.
Those favouring so-called aggressive institutionalisation must learn from these stories that one size does not fit all.
