Listen to thisBefore sharing Sabina's inspiring story, I want to acknowledge a recent loss in our community. Shohagi, featured in the October 2024 issue (https://cyc-net.org/cyc-online/cyconline-oct2024-islam.html), lost her brother, whom she cared for. Despite her grief, she perseveres, demonstrating remarkable resilience: ‘I knew this day would come but didn't expect it so quickly. Now I have so much free time after losing my brother’. It’s a freedom she never desired.
Sabrina participated in my PhD research over twenty years ago while living in the children’s home. The last time I met her was eleven years ago at her workplace. Recently, I reconnected with her through Shohagi, and we've had several conversations since that have informed this article.
Sabina, now in her early 30s, spent over 12 years in a children’s home for the children of sex workers. She arrived quiet and shy but quickly became one of the most talented girls there. Her natural charisma, confidence, and advocacy for children's rights set her apart. Sabina's presentation skills were exceptional, captivating audiences at various events where she often represented children's homes at national and international forums.
During her time in the children's home, Sabina participated in advocacy networks that successfully influenced policies affecting children's rights and protection. These achievements included aspects of alternative childcare and protection policies, amending laws to protect children from trafficking and sexual abuse, advocating for free textbooks, and ensuring that children of sex workers could name their mothers as legal guardians on school admission forms.
Sabina’s talent earned her additional support from teachers and officials. Despite her involvement in advocacy, which sometimes required her to miss school, she excelled academically with the support of the schoolteachers and staff. Through her involvement in various activities, Sabina also developed exceptional time management skills.
When she decided to marry a childhood friend after her secondary education/GCSE, the children's home authority worried that her education would be cut short and that the talent she had acquired over the years would be wasted. Nevertheless, due to her determination, the home supported her wedding, covering expenses and giving her a generous gift as a parent would for a daughter.
After her marriage, Sabina left the children’s home and moved near her mother’s, 200 miles away. She faced no resistance due to her birth identity from her new community and quickly established herself professionally.
Sabina began her professional career as a teacher for children of sex workers, quickly earning recognition for her skills. However, she realised that formal education was essential for further advancement. While balancing family responsibilities, Sabina completed her degree and now plans to pursue a master’s degree.
Sabina currently works as a Project Manager for Save the Children International, leading a team dedicated to quality education and social inclusion for marginalised children, particularly those from brothels. She collaborates with 18 schools and various stakeholders, including teachers and government officials, to promote social inclusion and protect children's rights. Reflecting on her experience, she says, ‘The skills I learned at the children’s home weren’t just about survival—they were about making a difference. It opened doors for us and insisted that we take advantage of them. I seized the opportunity and excelled.’ Beyond her primary role, she also works as an events presenter and voice artist, showcasing the diverse talents nurtured during her time in care.
While at home, she visited multiple South Asian countries, represented her nation, and participated in regional meetings and training sessions. She notes, ‘These national and international experiences have enhanced my confidence and enabled me to learn from others, which has expanded my perspective and transformed my thinking.’
Sabina’s husband struggled to progress in his business, so she took on much of the family's responsibility. She has three sons, aged 13, eight, and three. Her mother and mother-in-law live with her, which is unique and helps her care for the children. She said her mother-in-law is the most supportive and encouraging woman she has ever known.
Sabina's oldest son attends a residential school near the children’s home where she grew up. When I asked her why she chose a residential school despite having support at home, she replied,
‘Sir, that's true, but there is no good school nearby, and without a good education, he will struggle to thrive in the future. Their challenges will be much greater than ours. He will learn vital skills at a residential school, as I did at our home … It's also challenging to control screen time; these readily available devices distract children from their true potential.’
She believes the discipline and perseverance learned in a residential setting will help him succeed in life.
When I asked about her children’s home experience, she expressed immense gratitude to the staff, CEO, and community for their support. She described the home as the ‘best years of her life’,
‘I owe my life to the home. The home played a crucial role in shaping who I am today, where I learned to be a good human being, help others, strive for justice, and be a responsible citizen.’
She also stressed the importance of helping and wanting the best for one another, lessons she learned at home.
She credits the home for saving her from a life of hardship and providing a path toward dignity and opportunity. ‘Many of my friends who didn’t have the same support ended up in difficult situations, such as being at risk of living on the streets, being forced into child labour, domestic work, being trafficked into prostitution, drug cartels, becoming sex workers, drug dealers, abusers, or becoming involved in criminal activities. The home saved us from those fates,’ she reflects.
She believes every child in a similar situation should have access to such facilities, emphasising their critical role in fostering a fairer society. She also stressed the importance of gratitude for daily support and highlighted the teachers’ exceptional care for students’ growth and development.
She stated that she wouldn't have chosen a residential school for her son if she had been unhappy with the children’s home from her youth. With a laugh, Sabina noted that if her job allowed, she would have enrolled her son in the same children’s home where she had grown up, adding, ‘It would be remarkable for a mother and son to live in the same children’s home.’
However, she acknowledged the highs and lows that the children and staff shared, comparing them to a typical ‘big family’—a children’s home. She views these experiences as valuable lessons.
She also highlighted the ongoing support she receives from the home’s network of care leavers. While she stays in touch with some through Facebook, her busy life and the distance make regular contact challenging. Despite this, she remains connected to her childhood friends and occasionally visits the children's home where she grew up.
Despite her fond memories and gratitude, Sabina faced a recent disappointment when she attempted to visit the children’s home’s parent organisation. After hearing that the CEO, whom she considers a father figure, had undergone heart surgery, Sabina visited the office unannounced to wish him well. However, the receptionist denied her request, insisting that she write an application instead, despite Sabina explaining that she only wanted to offer a personal greeting, care, and prayers for his wellbeing. After the incident, Sabina felt that some staff harboured negative feelings towards care leavers, perceiving them as demanding. Despite this, she believes that seeking help from the CEO is natural, as he is seen as a father figure. This experience was painful for Sabina, contrasting with the warm, familial atmosphere she remembered. Sabina mentioned,
‘When we visited in the past, we felt like their own children. Now, it feels different, and it's as if these new staff don't understand our attachment to this organisation.’
Despite her disappointment, she chose not to escalate the situation, convinced that the CEO—whom she still views as a father figure—would have welcomed her had he known.
Sabina has been working with international child rights organisations for some time now and is well-informed about deinstitutionalisation and the negative propaganda movement, shared her opinion with me. She stated,
‘The organisations that are trying to destroy thousands of children's lives in the name of deinstitutionalisation will be held accountable one day.’
She mentioned that she recently attended an INGO meeting where she learned that Western NGOs are advocating for funders to divest or stop funding for children in care homes or institutions, which she finds highly frustrating. Additionally, she expressed that it seems as though,
‘All these people are making these plans at their coffee tables or in air-conditioned meeting rooms without knowing the real situation of the children in care institutions, especially the positive impact these institutions have on the children’s lives and how they contribute to the world.’
Sabina has suggested that the children’s home authority and other organisations serving children in care should unite and showcase their positive impact on our lives. She continued,
‘I don't know why our homes are not sharing our positive stories, why they're not promoting the positive aspects, and why they're not presenting the counter-narratives against those spreading negativity. Unfortunately, as success stories are not being publicised in the media, people only see and hear the negative stories, which lead to negativity.’
She suggested arranging regular gatherings for all care leavers from her children’s home, allowing them to connect and express and let the world know that,
‘We're doing well, not necessarily as the West or their allies depict us; often, we’re thriving more than those who grew up with their families.’
She also suggested that children’s homes should not offer jobs to care leavers right away; instead, they should motivate them to seek employment independently and demonstrate their capabilities. If care leavers secure positions in their children’s homes or parent organisations, it could give the impression that they were hired because of their connection to the care home, rather than their skills and knowledge. She stated,
‘In my view, when home provides a job for us as the first option without exploring other possibilities, we become restricted and somewhat confined, remaining in our comfort zone… The world is tough, so we must embrace challenges to succeed. If we learn to swim or catch fish, we will undoubtedly reach the shore and reel in our catch, and our home should encourage us to take that leap.’
Relating to the above, she referred to her recent job interview experience. She mentioned that she would be moving to a senior position at another international organisation. She noted that 180 applicants had been shortlisted for this position for a written test, and only 10 were selected for the face-to-face interview. She reflected,
‘It was a long and stressful process, and through this, I have learnt how the system works and was able to prove that I can do the job they’re looking for.’
She also emphasised the importance of formal degrees, highlighting that life experiences, extracurricular skills, networking, and public dealing skills are crucial for success, especially in climbing the career ladder. How one interacts with different groups of stakeholders greatly depends on these skills, which are not necessarily learnt from books but from experiences. A lack of these skills, even with many degrees, could ultimately lead to failure. She emphasised the importance of taking on challenges and competing with others to show that children’s homes are not just for ‘sad and bad’ people. She believes these homes can produce good, upright citizens who can improve the world based on their lived experiences.
Reflecting on Sabina's story, I am pleased to see her confidence, maturity, and progress. Although the girl we received was shy and quiet, the children's home nurtured her talent and helped her excel, especially in her presentation and voice modulation skills. These skills made her a presenter, host, and voice artist. I have no doubt that her presentation skills and confidence have made her readily accepted everywhere.
She has become the beacon of her family and many others, taking responsibility and, most uniquely, looking after her mother and mother-in-law, which is rare in our modern society! We hardly see this in the real world. She did not complain about the challenges she faced in overcoming all odds to reach where she is now. Instead, she accepted these challenges as lessons and learning experiences. This positivity has helped her progress well in every aspect of her life, and I am sure she will continue to go further.
An interesting aspect is that she has chosen to place her son in a residential school near the children’s home where she grew up, which explains her perception of her upbringing in a children's home. She is one of the best examples of the children’s homes. She practised what she preached by admitting her son to a residential school. However, Western measures of outcomes and the results of children who lived in childcare institutions in resource-poor countries should not be assessed similarly and should not be the case. The West complains that children’s homes or institutions weaken family bonds and act as barriers to social integration; Sabina's story challenges this Western connotation.
Sabina’s idea of regular care leavers’ get-togethers and encouragement for them to find jobs in mainstream organisations rather than familiar environments is very important in demonstrating that children’s homes still produce talent, not necessarily in the way the West portrays it.
As Sabina mentioned, I am not particularly concerned about the decrease in funding for children's homes in developing countries. I know that most of these facilities are supported by local donations. Reducing funding from international non-governmental organisations may not significantly impact these institutions. It has been found that a large portion of INGO funding is used for consultancy, monitoring, evaluation, and professional fees rather than directly benefiting the children; therefore, their funds would have no impact on resource-poor countries anyway.
Some experts and researchers in wealthier countries argue that running children's homes is expensive and advocate closing these institutions to save money. However, this perspective may be more applicable to their own countries. Howard Bath highlighted in his articles titled "Unexpected Re-emergence of Residential Care in Australia" and "De-institutionalisation in Australia: How far is too far?" that reducing residential care in Australia was primarily a cost-saving measure, without considering the actual needs of young people. This viewpoint may also apply to many other resource-rich countries if research is conducted.
On the other hand, the operating costs of children's homes in developing countries are minimal compared to those in wealthier countries. Child and youth care institutions in developing countries typically have lower administrative and overhead costs, as the individuals working with the children are driven by passion and a desire to help rather than purely for financial gain.
In conclusion, considering Sabina and other care leavers’ experiences, we can confidently remind the organisations in resource-rich countries driving the deinstitutionalisation agenda that rather than imposing a one-size-fits-all solution, they should adopt a more balanced approach that respects the cultural and socio-economic realities of the countries they seek to help. Sabina’s story and that of countless other care leavers show that, with the proper support, children’s homes can be a powerful force for good, creating tomorrow’s leaders and contributors to society.
