Listen to thisThe concept of ‘the in-between between us’ has had frequent mention in our field in recent years and it is a concept worth further exploration. Since it’s introduction (Garfat, 2008), the concept has developed into one of the defining aspects of Relational CYC Practice. Here we’ll explore / open it up just a little.
The original idea evolved from Peterson’s (1988) idea of a co-created experience which we call the relationship. In this article, he, who was concerned with co-created realities, encouraged us all to attend to how the relationship is a product of the interaction between self and other. Over time, I came to reflect on this co-created space as the in-between between us.
The in-between between us is a space, a place, where we and other exist in connection. In many ways, it is a metaphor and, in many ways, it is a relational reality. It is real and it is existential.
When we, self and other, connect in relationship we create something special – special between you and me. The connection that we make is unique – no other connection can be the same. It is you and I, in the co-created space we call the relationship.
But it is more than that – just as the sum is greater than all its parts, so is this co-created space more than just you and I. It is, as Varda Mann-Feder (1999) has said, a place of us.
Dwell on that for a moment – a place of us. By definition, a place of us must be specific to us. You and me – distinct from others.
So, to this co-created, in-between us, place of us.
Have you ever danced with someone, both of you in absolute sync, or run together with someone your steps in perfect harmony, or laughed with someone until both of you cry ‘stop!’ Engaged together in what I call connected experiencing. Each of us connected to each other in, and through, this moment. Connected in a moment of relational intimacy. No me, no you, just us. The place of us is the in-between between us.
We participate in creating this place, this space. How we are who we are – in interaction with other – is fundamental in creating this in-between. The in-between between us is a co-created space of connection, intimacy and co-created reality.
So, we wonder – always – how is what I am doing, or thinking of doing, likely to impact on this space we call the in-between? Will my actions contribute to it being a place of safety, of fear, of pain, of joy – how will my actions impact on the in-between between us?
Each action we take, whether recognised it or not, impacts on the in-between. Will my action make it a safer place, a more desperate place – what will my actions inspire in this co-created place?
So, as practitioners we focus on ‘intentionality’ – how do I want my actions to impact on the in-between between us?
As CYC practitioners we are always concerned about the possible impacts of our actions – and our impact on the in-between between us, is, perhaps, the place of most significant impact.
References
Garfat, T. (2008). The inter-personal in-between: An exploration of Relational Child and Youth Care practice, In G. Bellefeuille, and F. Ricks, (Eds) Standing on the precipice: Inquiry into the creative potential of Child and Youth Care Practice, (pp 7-34), Alberta, Canada: MacEwan
Mann-Feder, V. R. (1999). You/me/us: Thoughts on boundary management in Child and Youth Care. Journal of Child and Youth Care, 13 (2), 93-98
Peterson, R. (1988). The collaborative metaphor technique: Using Ericsonian (Milton H.) techniques and principles in child, family and youth care work. Journal of Child Care, 3(4), 11-27.
