Listen to thisIn residential group care, success is often measured in moments - those profound interactions where real mutual human connection takes place.
Recently, I had the privilege of sharing time with a young person who had spent years in one of our group homes, recovering from the trauma of neglect and abuse. She approached me with gratitude, expressing how the opportunities provided through our programme - mentorship, therapy, educational support, exposure to different activities and structured care - had transformed her life. As she spoke, her words carried more than appreciation; they reflected the deep impact of relational child and youth care.
Her gratitude was moving and what struck me most was the mutuality of the moment. She thanked me for the opportunities provided, but I found myself thanking her in return - for her courage, for her willingness to trust again and for making the most of what was offered to her. That exchange was not just an emotional encounter - it had me reflecting on the profound reciprocal impact of true relational connections.
Reflections on the neurobiological power of connection
Much has been written on how trauma profoundly affects the developing brain, often impairing neural pathways related to trust, emotional regulation and learning. However, research also confirms that healing is possible when young people experience safe and affirming relationships. Neuroscience has shown that positive relational experiences can quite literally rewire the brain, forming new connections that foster resilience and well-being.
Moments of authentic connection, such as this one experienced by both myself and the young person, stimulate the release of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin - neurochemicals that reinforce positive emotions, reduce stress, and strengthen relationships. Oxytocin, known as the “bonding hormone,” fosters trust and attachment, helping to repair the disrupted relational foundations caused by early trauma.
These biological responses showcase that true connection is not just emotionally significant, but fundamentally transformative at a neurobiological level.
Reflections on the transformative power of presence in relational work
Thom Garfat and others emphasise the importance of ‘using the moments.’ In residential care, every interaction, whether a shared meal, a conversation after a difficult day or celebrating a small achievement, has the potential to be a transformational moment. True connection does not necessarily happen in structured therapy sessions; it happens in the everyday, lived moments of care.
Gerry Fewster, in Being in Child Care, challenges caregivers to practice deep consciousness and self-awareness, underscoring that the most effective caregivers bring their whole selves into their interactions with young people. Conscious engagement means being fully present, aware of one’s emotional responses and attuned to the needs of the youth.
In this young youth’s case, the gratitude she expressed was not just about the opportunities given to her; it was about being seen, valued and supported by people who genuinely cared - and whom she now cared about. Thus, the essence of relational child and youth care: recognising that healing and development happen in the context of relationships. As Garfat and Fulcher (2012) remind us, effective care is about meeting young people "where they’re at" and engaging with them authentically in the moment.
Reflections on the mutual impact of relational work
The impact of genuine connection is not one-sided. It is often assumed that young people are the primary beneficiaries of child and youth care moments and interventions, but the reality is that caregivers, too, are profoundly shaped by these relationships. True connection fuels a sense of purpose and affirms the significance of the work. It reminds caregivers why they do what they do and provides them with the emotional sustenance needed to continue creating spaces of safety, healing and transformation.
Caregivers who engage in relational child and youth care are not merely service providers; they are active participants in a mutual journey of growth. The reciprocity of gratitude, trust and care fosters a professional environment where both young people and caregivers experience emotional enrichment and renewal.
This experience was a reminder that true healing in child and youth care does not happen in isolation. It happens in relationship. The power of connection, mutual gratitude and authentic presence transforms not only young lives but also the caregivers who walk alongside and journey with them.
References
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (https://developingchild.harvard.edu)
CYC-Net: The International Child and Youth Care Network (www.cyc-net.org)
Fewster, G. (2001). Being in Child Care: A Journey into Self.
Garfat, T., & Fulcher, L. (2012). Child and Youth Care in Practice.
National Child Traumatic Stress Network (www.nctsn.org)
Perry, B., & Szalavitz, M. (2017). The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook.
Siegel, D. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind.
Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
