Since it's founding in 1997, the CYC-Net discussion group has been asked thousands of questions. These questions often generate many replies from people in all spheres of the Child and Youth Care profession and contain personal experiences, viewpoints, as well as recommended resources.
Below are some of the threads of discussions on varying Child and Youth Care related topics.
Questions and Responses have been reproduced verbatim.
Listen to thisHi,
I'm working with a young girl (15) who is regularly cutting herself.
It's quite superficial, normally on her arms. She's had a tough
childhood and cutting probably gives her some control. This has been
going on for some time.
I'm looking for creative ways of working with her – possibly provide
avenues to explore control issues.
Thanks,
Carlos Kelly
...
Depending on how open she is you may want to try
some creative story telling and narrative approaches using created
stories and fairy tales. Many traditional ones are about control
(Rapunzel.....or the Paper Bag Princess). Using them you can get her to
re-write her own "story".
I often do this with girls in particular using the computer, PowerPoint
and lots of pictures.....it is fun as well.
A thought....
Rick Kelly
...
Cutting is a complicated issue. There are themes at play here more
than just control. The pain of cutting releases endorphins which
basically makes her feel better for awhile. The blood reminds her
that she is "real." As I said it's complicated but there is a lot
of information on the internet that might be helpful. One
behavioral technique that can be useful to decrease or eliminate the
cutting (and the need for dangerous pain) is the use of ice to create a
more safe alternative to the pain. She holds a bag of ice on one
location until it begins to be "Painful" -- another is snapping a rubber
band on her wrist when she feels the need to hurt. The DBT model
of therapy can be very useful for cutters. As far as control goes
-- allowing her opportunities for choices whenever possible. In
therapy explore internalized pain that she may be "Numbing."
Just a few ideas. Good luck, and let me know if you need any
additional information -- this from a counselor and the mother of a
recovered cutter.
Kim Adkins
...
Hi Carlos,
I took your article to class with me this morning and asked our first
year/first semester students how they might respond to your request.
There were a number of responses which I will share with you: How
long have you been working with this girl? Have you had an opportunity
to develop a rapport with her to the point of trust or is there anyone
else in the setting with whom she has been able to connect?
What are some of her strengths? Can you encourage her to do more
of what she likes and where her strengths lie (activity oriented
possibly or from an artistic perspective)? Does she have anyone with
whom she can spend one on one time with to help meet some her needs of
being important? We assume you have read her social history from
what you said about her tough childhood – someone asked if there
were any issues of mental illness in the family? Has anyone asked
her why she cuts herself?
Hope these questions might provide some insight into what you might be
able to do or at least offer you a place to start. We will be
interested to watch the threads from this topic.
We wish you and the young lady well.
Deb Bomek
Winnipeg
...
Hi Carlos,
My team and I have utilized this tool before with a former youth. We
gave the youth a journal to write in anything she felt like writing
whether it was just about her day or if she was feeling stressed or
upset about anything. When she had finished writing in the journal at
the end of the day she handed it in to Youth Care Workers at night and
Youth Care Workers would respond back to her with feedback or adding in
conversation pieces. This seemed to decrease the cutting behavior in a
positive way. I hope this is helpful.
Matt Villeneuve
...
Kids cut for lots of reasons. My experience is generally it is a coping
mechanism to either feel or focus pain. An escape or a grounding.
I had one young woman explain that when the adults in her life freaked
out about her cutting it made it more serious scary and concerning for
her but when they acknowledged the cutting but "did not freak out" about
it – it was less of an issue and she was more at ease.
I generally ask how it (the coping skill they have chosen at that time)
is working for them, what else they have tried for coping how those
other things have worked and open the conversation towards some of what
is going on behind or underneath the cutting/coping. Many adults,
especially parents need assurance and reassurance that their child is
not trying to kill themself but just trying to cope with pain or past
trauma. In my mind it is a gauge for where in their cycle of happy/sad
emotional regulated, how they feel in their various relationships and
sense of belonging or how overwhelmed they are at that time/space. What
can we as caregivers do differently at times of stress for kids so they
have less likelihood of self injuring (because cutting is one form,
burning, piercing, pressing, sex, drugs and rock and roll are all other
forms).
Some of the strongest youth I have met have used self harming at some
point in their lives to drown out or focus the pain they feel from our
cruel world.
Help them accept themselves and to set goals for the future, help them
imagine themselves elsewhere doing something other than surviving.
Peter DeLong
...
Hello,
I'm a Child and Youth Care worker and also a first aid attendant at same or other time.
When working with a youth who cuts, I dealt more with the injury and
harm reduction, by attending to the cuts, taking the time to be sure of
the severity and being sure to clean and or bandage if necesary.
I'm sure that not all youth will let you or I look, or be willing to
talk about the behavior or act, but if a staff could build a trusting
relationship, non judgemental way of dealing with the fact
that it's done and the need for safety and self care from here, could be
a way to open up discussion around the topic. I know a thing or
two about different people who cut, but probably it's pretty intimate
for each person. Honestly wanting to understand the topics
'around' the act; sensations, thoughts, feelings, is the only way I've
ever had youth tell me anything about their cutting. First aid is
something I know though, and small wound aftercare. Calm and basic
guidelines around aftercare is something that all people could learn
better, trust me, adults are not so good at cleaning and bandaging their
own wounds. Even if a person doesn't necesarily listen or buy in
to the need to care for their body, doesn't stop them from seeing the
care of a caregiver. And it's easy stuff too; soap and water, even
better sea salt or epsalm salt baths, dry clean cotton bandages or
clothing.
I have been told to drop the subject or worse, when checking in about a
youths recent cuts. But when we know that the severity is not a
major concern, the answer is the same: Ok, cool, if you think it's gonna
be fine, but if you feel we should clean it up, I'm here, and we'll just
wash it and maybe put a bandage on it.
In the long run, I'm not so worried about cutters. It's maybe even
a pretty good coping mechanism, for them. There's a technical
problem; the cut and infection. There's room for growth and
learning; self care and processing the lead-up and moments of cutting.
And, there's the chance for us to show we're there and open and
accepting.
Hope this helps, and we can learn from those in our lives who are ready
and do take the actions they see necesary for their own wellbeing. Risky
youth are the warriors of old. Respect. No more prisons.
J
...
Dear Carlos,
As a current cutter, I can tell you that you are on a path saying that
it is superficial, there is deep meaning behind this behaviour. Most
people that cut are NOT cutting to kill themselves and this is a common
misconception.
There really is no means to an end with
self-mutilation only understanding. I can say for myself, as with many
individuals I've known, that it will never end and it is a consistent
entity I face every day. You are valid saying that it is because of
control, but there are different reasons for everyone and it could be
part of the issue but not all.
One thing that I would like to ask: why is it acceptable to pierce and
tattoo?
I find that in society today there are many things that contradict each
other and as a youth I know I was very confused with what is "right" and
"wrong". The main point I would like to make is: yes self-mutilation is
harm against oneself, but the problem with just stopping or diverting
this behaviour is the suppression of self expression. It is my body and
I WILL do what I want with it.
There is a book that I just recently discovered called, A Bright Red
Scream- Self-mutilation and the language of pain by Marilee Strong.
This book is a compilation of many people's lives and their experience
with self-mutilation.
Marilee says "they are more than their disorder, their lives infinitely
richer, their stories more complex, than that single label might
indicate" (a cutter). Also she says "When people first hear about
cutting, discovering sometimes that someone close to them uses knives,
razors, or shards of glass to cut their skin and draw blood, there is
often a reaction of horror, disgust, or bewilderment. The reasons for
such reactions are complex and may reflect a powerful taboo in Western
culture about the symbolic use of blood. But a simple explanation is
that we are unable to attach an appropriate meaning to the activity of
cutting and the only available meaning we grasp at may be that of
suicidal behaviour. Cutting, however is not a suicidal act."
I would have to say that the only reason that I don't cut as often as I
did when I was a youth (and I know many would not like to hear this but)
it is because of piercings and tattoos. That is my outlet and even as
young as 15 I would say could be an answer maybe not tattoos but
piercings. There of course should be some regulation but it is an answer
that I can tell you has worked for me and is quite acceptable and
accessible in this day and age, I have never had trouble finding jobs or
acceptance.
I don't want to offend anyone, I'm just passionate about the issues that
I had to face as a youth and still as an adult. I hope this helps, sorry
if it doesn't.
Sincerely,
LB
...
Thanks J
Ian Gargan
...
I felt very strongly this morning after reading the replies to speak
about my experiences working with youth who cut.
In some previous threads I read that " In the long run, I'm not so
worried about cutters. It's maybe even a pretty good coping
mechanism, for them"
or " There really is no means to an end with self-mutilation only
understanding".
I'm sorry but cutting IS harmful, and intervention/ change CAN happen.
I've seen it myself on a few occasions when working with young women.
From what the girls have told me cutting is a way for them to release
deep emotional and or traumatic feelings. It is not a call for help
necessarily or a place where someone should enter into discussion without
some real awareness and compassion/ support.
Rapport, coaching, and self awareness activities can make a shift. I run
a workshop series for girls through my non profit and I've seen girls
who have eaten out of garbage cans due to an eating disorder change,
I've seen girls who scratch and cut take their creative energy and make
amazing shifts. I've seen girls with such emotional charges from abuse
reach out and change their communities.
As professionals in this field we know that not every youth can have
miracles in a moment sometimes it takes months and sometimes it takes
years but we can help if we have the right attitude, energy, and
resources!
It's also so important not to place judgment or categorize individuals
into groups.
I found that counselling only went so far for me but coaching can make
amazing internal shifts while building positive community strengths and
ideas.
Loretta A. Cella
...
Hello all,
I am currently in my second year of the Child and Youth Care Counsellor
program at Mount Royal University in Alberta. I am at a practicum in a
group home with at-risk adolescent girls, a few of which self-harm. For
someone like me, who is new to the field of Child and Youth Care, and
has no experience with self-mutilation, the idea of caring for someone
who harms themselves can be quite intimidating. Because I am still new
at my practicum placement, I have not yet had to counsel anyone with
this issue.
I have found out through discussion with staff and residents though,
that self-harm is much more common than I thought. Because it is common
in group care, I think that it is key that we all educate ourselves on
how to assist physically and emotionally in the event of self-harm
trauma.
I would like to commend LB for her very candid post about her personal
story with self-harm. She has shed some light on the subject, which is
such an important one with today's youth. I appreciate that LB reminded
us all that this is a life-long battle, and has no quick-fix, band-aid
solution.
Thanks for reading!
Jill Hastings
...
Hi there!
A lot of people have mentioned this already, but cutting really is a
very complicated coping mechanism. It often gets to a point where it's
addictive, since it brings temporary relief and makes the person feel as
if they are still 'alive'. Emotions that contribute toward cutting
include fear (in terms of loss of control), anger, stress, guilt,
'numbness', helplessness, and failure, to name but a few.
To people who have never cut themselves, this coping mechanism is often
hard to understand, whilst it makes perfect sense to the person who is
engaging in it. Cutting often thrives in secrecy – although it can be a
silent visible indicator that help is needed. People generally cut
either in total secrecy (as for example people who cut on their legs
where it isn’t obvious) or they can cut in places where it may be
noticed (for example, on arms). Either way, because of the stigma
attached to it many people struggle to ‘confess’ to cutting, which only
perpetuates the cycle of secrecy.
I give this information because it shows how brave a child is to admit
that they are regularly cutting themselves. Cutting is a huge emotional
release, and allowing another person into that secret sphere of your
life is a huge step towards healing. When a secret is brought out into
the light it loses a lot of its power over the person. An open and
honest relationship needs to be established where cutting – and the many
reasons behind it – can be discussed and worked through. At some point
the child is going to hit a brick wall – deciding if she really wants to
change or not. This is a tough question, and must be worked through very
thoroughly. Giving up cutting – to the child – often feels like giving up
a part of your identity and may even be seen as losing a friend. She
needs to make up her mind that she wants to change – and she must feel
safe enough to engage in honest conversation whenever she wants to cut
again, or if she does slip back into it.
You might want to encourage her to self reflect a lot (to do creative
journaling!), so that she can explore the reasons for the cutting, the
emotions that go with it, and the triggers that set it off. Through the
journaling she’ll be able to identify which situations, people, places,
etc might be risky, and then take a plan of action. Knowledge is a
powerful tool when it comes to dealing with emotions and coping. When
she has decided she wants to stop, help her to put practical steps in
place for her to cope. For example, contacting a friend, or going out to
a public area when there are potential triggers at home etc.
These practical steps may still seem like a long way off from where she
is now, but they may come in handy in the future. Cutting can be
overcome!
All the best!!
Birgitta Nell
...
Hi All,
I have personally not had a lot of experience in the field when it comes
to cutting. I am a second year practicum student in the Child and Youth
Care Counsellor program, and have completed 100 hours in a residential
program. My cottage transitions youth back into the community, ages
12-18, and many clients are known as "cutters", some worse than others.
Although I have not had a great deal of experience in dealing with
self-harmers, I have quickly realized the importance of compassion and
understanding. I find too often, people will refer to self-harmers as
youth just looking for attention and not to feed into it. Well yes, I
agree they are seeking attention, but attention, love, understanding and
respect are things all of these youth have been missing out on for most,
if not all of their lives. The reasons they are cutting may be unknown,
but the affect it has on them is something we as Child and Youth Care
workers need to consider.
Self-harming is a coping mechanism for the youth when they are in crisis
and/or experiencing stress, flashbacks etc. Whenever a youth decides to
self-harm, we need to address the situation individually and with
genuine compassion and respect. We have to consider what
triggers cause them to self-harm and how it makes them feel. Since this
is a coping mechanism, in the moment they feel better, hence why they
continue the unhealthy behaviors. As workers we need to take the time to
address their feelings at the time, so we can address the triggers and
not only the behaviors.
Furthermore, we need to be able to work with the youth to find ways they
can cope in a healthy manner. Personally, I find that exercise is a
great way to relieve stress, but we need to help the youth discover
their own healthy coping skills that work for them, as everyone is
different. I think the suggestion below of journaling is also a great
way for youth to express their emotions, which I think could also help
them work through and be more aware of their feelings. Overall I think
the most important aspect of working with self-harmers is to remain
respectful of the youth and understand that they need guidance to find
healthy coping skills.
Kayla Caravan
...
Hi,
I'm currently in my second year of Child and Youth Care Counseling, yet
I have been exposed to "cutters" most of my life. Growing up,
professionals tell us that those who harm themselves are attention
seekers, trying to be noticed or use cutting as a scare tactic implying
they want to end their life. however, many youth I have known to be
cutters are impulsive when they harm themselves. Often times it's from
an emotional experience they are going through and don't know how else
to express themselves then by grabbing a sharp blade and adding cuts to
their arm. I have often wondered why? What was the reason for physical
pain and the answer one young girl gave me, shocked me. She said she
would rather suffer all the pain she could cause to herself than bare to
suffer from the emotional pain that she couldn't explain. She was
hurting and no one took the time to ask why.
I find that many professionals only want the behavior to stop, or find
an alternate means to self-harm such as drawing or writing in a journal.
My concern is that many youth don't know how to express their emotions
because they don't understand what it is they feel. The youth I have
been involved with often describe intense waves of emotion without being
able to identify what emotion they are feeling. Many young people have
not developed that level of mental understanding and so they react to
stop the pain. From what I have experienced both personally and from the
young persons I work with, physical pain is easier to manage than the
lasting effects of emotional pain. Cutting is a familiar way for these
youth to divert the pain they cannot control with something they can.
(I am not implying that cutting is a great way to solve a young person's
emotional pain, but it has been found to be one of the top coping
methods used by teens, just like drugs and alcohol).
By talking with my clients about cutting and self-harm, I was able to
build some strong relationships with them. I found that by just
listening, and not always counseling, they were able to explain some of
how they were feeling. It also became a preventative measure for times
when they felt an urge to cut because they were able to warn me and
allow me to give them some one-on-one attention. It didn't have to be
talking, it could have been something like building a puzzle to distract
them, but by calmly saying "ok let's do something together," instead of
making a major deal and over-react, the youth became more open to how
they were feeling.
I'm not qualified to make psychological assessments like professionals
can, and I sometimes don't know how to deal with the situation 100% of
the time, but I have enough experience working with youth who self-harm
to know that sometimes all they need is just someone to be there. to
help them through the mental battle they may be struggling through
because they can't do it alone.
So my question is this, have youth care workers become so concerned
about stopping and preventing the behavior that we have forgotten what
it's like to just need a "friend" and be there, wherever that youth is
at, instead of finding a quick fix so that it's less for the worker to
deal with?
I just think too many individuals in this field try to identify the
source of a problem, and forget to treat these youth like normal human
beings.
Sometimes, tossing the textbook out the window and just remembering they
are just kids in need of someone does more than using some theory or
label we can apply.
Caitlyn Pegg
...
Caitlyn,
This is such a thoughtful and deep response. Keepon working and thinking
about such issues ... and most of all sharing them with others.
Brilliant as a friend of mine would say.
Rick Kelly
...
I have enjoyed following the conversation and suggestions around working
with self-harming youth. Caitlyn, I appreciate the fact that in dealing
with such an intense issue it is important to simply be there and be a
friend to walk through it with them. Along the same lines dealing with
youth who self-harm; I am working in a home where there have been recent
intakes of a couple youth who cut. I have recently gone through the
completely unexpected suicide of a solid mentor, friend and camp
director who I worked alongside for five years. I realize that having
not completely dealt with my own emotions regarding this event I would
choose to let the youth talk to another staff if they are struggling
with suicidal thoughts. However, I would like to get to the place where
I have dealt with the suicide enough that I can be a help to those who
are going through it. Is there anyone who has suggestions or experience
in this area in how to deal with this best? Or perhaps some good
resources to deal with suicide so I can be a help in this area to the
youth in my group home. Thank you!
Christina
