Since it's founding in 1997, the CYC-Net discussion group has been asked thousands of questions. These questions often generate many replies from people in all spheres of the Child and Youth Care profession and contain personal experiences, viewpoints, as well as recommended resources.
Below are some of the threads of discussions on varying Child and Youth Care related topics.
Questions and Responses have been reproduced verbatim.
Listen to thisI was wondering if anyone had a good idea about confronting co-workers
who you feel aren't helping out as much as they could even though
numbers are high and we are not within ratio at certain points of the
day. In my perticular case the co-workers I'm talking about are
above me in rank. What would be the best way to confront them without
going over their heads?
Casandra
...
Hi Casandra,
Unfortunately I have also had to deal with similar situations in
previous job experiences. You can certainly speak with them about it,
but from what I have learned, the best way to deal with it is not to
focus on it as a "confrontation." You can say in the moment "I would
really appreciate a little help with......" You can tell them after the
fact that you were feeling a little bit overwhelmed by the situation and
would have liked someone to step in and offer some assistance. Instead
of pointing fingers, take ownership over your own feelings in the
situation, because if the other person is feeling attacked they will
become defensive and the interaction won't be helpful. Especially when
they are above you in rank, you are in a more vulnerable position so
even though it's frustrating, try not to come across as placing blame or
pointing fingers. If speaking with them calmly or asking for help in
busy situations doesn't help, then you can go over their head and say
"this is what happened, I spoke with them, now what?" Hope that helps.
Jillian Viens
...
I work in a school program for the highest risk youth in the board.
Within this classroom/program there are 5 child and youth workers and
one teacher in the classroom (along with the support of two part-time
social workers and one part-time psychologist) So as you can well
imagine there is ample room for confrontation and disagreement.
Over the past 7 years working in this program we have had our share of
confrontations. The most important mantra we try to live by is
"When you have a problem, bring it to the table, if not, then you
continue to own the problem alone." Now the first step of
"bringing to the table" is of course speaking of your differences with
the actual person on a one to one. This approach can be from a
"help me understand your thinking" when this was happening (describing
the situation with facts only) This approach avoids the other
person feeling accused but rather needing to explain their choices
within the professional context.
Once hearing their explanation you can then let them
know how their choice made you feel (ie. not supported). Then your next
step could be, to brainstorm better practice, as co-workers together, to
be the best you can be for the youth you counsel.
Of course, frequently, when a co-workers choices are being questioned,
this co-worker can take this as an offence on a personal level. It
is important to reassure the co-worker that it is not personal but
rather an opportunity to learn from each other and to change what is not
working for all involved to a more effective practice better for all.
We learn from each other and all have unique skill-sets that are
valuable within the profession(s).
Through your assertive communication you and your co-workers will feel
heard and valued. And above all, the youth will be the better for
it.
Jane Lunney
Mississauga, ON
...
Hi Casandra,
Your topic has me wondering if the roles and expectations of a shift are
clear for you and your co-worker. Do you sit down before the shift
to determine who will do what and decide the flow of the evening?
This small step could have a major impact on organizing the resources
you have on shift. Otherwise, having an open and frank discussion
with your co-worker could be helpful. I don't mean in an
accusatory way, but in a "let's see where our communication is getting
crossed" way.
Dealing with difficult co-workers is always an exercise in patience. Keep the big picture in mind. Your work environment and the kids you work with will benefit.
Good luck,
Delia Noel
...
Casandra
Some ideas:
1) Try and get it on the team agenda: What do we need to do when things
get really busy around here?"
2) Try to deal with it as a program issue as opposed to "confronting
them"
3) Review what you know about giving effective feedback
4) If you can't get this on the agenda, try being in the moment with
your co workers and address situations when they arise. Ask them, what
do you think we should do now as opposed to dealing with the task on
your own.
Let us know..
Peter Hoag
...
Hi Casandra,
I understand you not wanting to go over anyone's
head as far as them not helping out in the room. You said they are above
you in rank but that should not stop them from helping in the room. If
you are out of ratio during the day as well, that, to me, would be a
bigger issue.
Is the coworker a director in the room or an Assistant Director? I
suggest you just be upfront but be kind. Ask them if they have a few
minutes to talk while the children are not around or after work and tell
them you are trying really hard to keep all of the children engaged and
busy but it is really hard with such high numbers, would it be possible
for them to help with an activity or plan an activity? Don't be afraid
to speak up and if does not work then that would be a time to talk to
their supervisor about what you can do. I hope that helps.
Steve
...
In my experience it works best to use the "parallel process" rationale.
In other words, we want to treat each other the same way we treat our
clients.
In this case, we know that when one of the kids is
not doing what's expected, we take the risk of an unpleasant interaction
to tell them what our concerns are and to work out a way to address them
together. In the same way, when we have concerns about a colleague
we take the same risk – for the same reason.
This keeps our treatment system "clean". Good luck.
Lorraine Fox
...
Hey Casandra,
I myself have encountered this and you got to keep in mind that some
ofour co-workers may not be as open to this conversation as we would
like.I went toa co-worker and it blew up in my face!! The second time
I went to my supervisor and got advice.I also asked her not to speak
with the co-worker about the issue asI didn't want to cause any
extraissues. My supervisor advisedme to pay attention to my co-worker
the same as we do to the youth that we work with. Then approach the
co-worker with the knowledge of how they work and use I statements to
address how the co-worker's doings or lackthere of was affecting me and
our other co-workers.
I must say that after watchingmyco-worker and then approaching, worked
alot better.My issue is thatI worry about hurtingpeople's feelings
andI don't want to be harsh and have them think that I am degrading
their integerity.
I hope thatthis is helpful for you and good luck! It is never easy to
address issues with other staff. Not so hard with the youth thought!!
LOL
Amanda Canning
...
Hey Casandra,
My first thought is on the side of caution. I say this not
suggesting you don't speak up, I say this to have you think about what
you want before you speak. I have found that people who place
themselves above others, or are hire up may be more likely to get
offended. Either because you are below them or because they have
more time put in and don't feel they have to do as much. I am
fully aware that I am speak from my experience and this may not be the
case for you at all. If you have a good working relationship with
this individual, and you find them approachable by all means have a
conversation about how You are feeling about the ratios. If you
speak to this person by pointing out You don't think they are pulling
their weight I see a confrontation. Although by having the
conversation about how You are feeling in the situation and not on what
You see them Not doing, you can save yourself a whole lot of grief.
Remember to think about what it is You are trying to accomplish by
confronting this person and it may help you to resolve the issue Your
having. Good Luck.
Kelly House
...
In matters interpersonal relationships and conflict, experience has
taught me that unobtrusive intervention is preferred to direct
confrontation. On this field our baggage gets in the way of a healthy
growth producing confrontation. The conflict is best managed than
resolved.
Michael Gaffley
Fort Lauderdale
