How do you know ...?

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How do you know ...?

Dear fellow C.Y.W. Professionals and Students,

I am curious, given the relatively brief time we have with most of our clients, how do you know (clients words, deeds, actions or your own intuition or instincts perhaps) when you have been truly helpful in aiding the healing process?

Thank you for the consideration of my question,

kind regards
One Feather Arseneault
C.Y.W Student Brantford On Canada

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Hi One Feather,

I work with youth and families long-term. I work in a community setting and have done so for many years. I am never sure whether I have helped aid their growth and personal healing. However, there was one time when a mother I worked with walked across the city (when she has difficulty walking due to health concerns) on my birthday to the library where I was at the time to give me a handmade mirror that her and her husband had etched and carved.
They also made me some beautiful beaded artwork. She asked me if I knew why she had done this for me, and told me it was because I made people feel good about themselves.

I cherish that moment because I have never had such a concete message that I had helped somenoe in their growth and healing.

Good question,
Maddy
Vancouver, BC

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Dear One Feather Arseneault,

When a child enters a therapeutic programme, whether it is residential or not, a multidisciplinary assessment process is initiated, an intervention plan or development plan is drawn up (in consultation with the child), which includes SMART goals and objectives. Goals and objectives are time bound, and when they are reviewed, they give you a good idea of the extent to which your development plan have been achieved. That is your most objective way to measure your progress. Also, obtaining more subjective information on the usefulness of the development plan and intervention includes once again simply asking the child, "how helpful was this to you?" If your programme was well implemented, the subjective and objective information should give you a congruent message of how effective the programmes was.

Hope this helps,

Werner van der Westhuizen
Port Elizabeth, South Africa

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Being truly helpful does not necessarily determine outcomes but it should determine our purpose and course of action.

David Connolly
PEI

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Hi
This is an interesting question. It seems to me that while the clients words, deeds or actions can all be indicators that you are doing a good job, it can also be the case that you simply don't know (in the short term) whether or not you are making a real difference. I have worked with kids over the years who have presented as being chaotically violent and disruptive, and just when I have come to the place that I have accepted that nothing I did made a difference, they turned out to be the very ones that came back to me several years later with fond memories and kind words about their experiences in care.

I guess we try to do the best we can using all the skills and resources that we have at our disposal at the time, and then we just hope for the best!

John in Ireland

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Faith is when you know – but really you never know for sure. It's like diligently planting seeds in the field for a farmer along your travels and never going back.....until one day some stranger approaches you and says 'do you remember when you stopped me from ...fill the blank...? Tthat was a life changing moment, thanks'

These moments are precious treasures that don't come when you think they should or could but precious all the same when they come.

Kim McLeod, aka Grandma K

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Sometimes you don't always know what has been helpful because for some it may take time for your words, actions or ideas to sink in. I believe that at times we come into someone's life when they need us to, and just being there and showing you care and are listening can be what works.

I found that I can only offer what I know. Also I can be supportive around what the client may disclose to me. Other than that, until you have built a rapport with the client or you are a master at body language and reading between the lines, you may never know how much you have helped.

Take care,

Kelly House
Child/Youth Care Worker
Elgin Park Secondary

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Dear One Feather Arsenault,

It is simply an inner peace that is felt both in myself and the client. A sense that all is well. That in this moment all that was meant to transpire just did and that all that was meant to be healed was. It is like the calm after the storm when all is very quiet, there is a knowing that what brought the storm has now left. All is well, all is well.

Blessings,
Susan
Whitby(Ontario)Canada

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How do we ever really know anything? We can have an inner sense that we have done what we could to be an influence in another person's life. We can use all sorts of instruments to measure change (I like Duncan's SRS and ORS – http://www.talkingcure.com/index.asp?id=106) and we can inquire of the person if we have been helpful. Sometimes people know and sometimes they don't. For me it is much more a question of having a dialogue with a person that is mutually satisfying, interesting, and thought-provoking, or as Harlene Anderson said, "Knowledge and expertise are tentatively offered as food for thought and dialogue and remain open to challenge and change". I am never convinced that a conversation with me can be "helpful" but I do get curious about the usefulness of conversations.

I don't know if this is "helpful" to you or not... just my thoughts at this time.

Jack Nowicki

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We are never "successful" – that experience and ambition belongs to the kids with whom we work. All we can do is create the conditions to the best of our ability. This, I believe, is what we should be evaluating.

Gerry Fewster

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Hi One Feather,

We touch people's lives daily in all our actions across all our social groups. As long as we demonstrate at all times unconditional positive regard or that clumsy word 'love' we can trust that at least we will do no further harm. When we get it wrong we can apologise and explain our actions. This also will promote growth.

I like the planting seeds analogy. I seldom look back and find that the affirmation of good action materialises at the most unexpected departures. For me this adds to life's rich tapestry. I also believe that faith and knowledge of oneself is crucial. Speaking for myself I have been most touched by people of conviction rather than those who appear trapped in an anxious state of wishing to please and self analysis.

Working with adolescents is an excellent discipline for ridding oneself of pride. Once pride has been eliminated you reflect back a deeper level of possible truth to those that challenge. I think that this offers real potential for personal growth beyond the superficiality of appearances in a given situation.

I'm losing myself so I'll stop there.

Peace
Jeremy
The Robert Gordon University, Scotland

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Hi One Feather Arseneault

A wise man with whom I worked 30 years ago said we will not know the effects of our work for many years, until they are in or through their twenties. The seeds we sow...

Just be there and do right. i.e., Keep up the great work!!

John
New Orleans

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Replying to one feather's "How do we know if we have been helpful?"

Your question suggests to me that you are curious and want your work efforts to have meaning. I think that quality will keep you on the path in search of being of service to others. My experience was that there were system and casework difficulties along the way. Check your compass every once in a while to make sure these difficulties aren't taking you down the wrong path. A lot of good is just plain done by hard hard work. Your rest will be important as a sharp mind will be essential. The equation of being helpful and someone being helped seems somewhat complex to me. Good luck.

Charlie

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A person never knows the impact they have on those around them. I had an experience working with a child in a summer camp setting who had a lot of issues and behavioural problems and by the end of the summer because of the consistency and the relationships that we, the counsellors, had gained with this child we saw drastic improvements in him. This one experience started fuelling my passion for this profession. I know for a fact that the work I personally did with this child was of benefit to him as well as to his parents. I have had a lot of interactions with children since this one experience and i haven't always been able to see if I have helped but I have faith in my abilities and my passion and know that all I can do is put my all into my work with them and then hope they will reap the rewards. I know I wont get through to every child but at least maybe the child can look back see that someone once in their life cared for them. These children and youth that we are working with could come back to you years down the road and thank you for helping them or they could not. Its just important that we know we have tried to help and in the end if you are sincere the children will be helped.

Tamara Nalder
Calgary, AB
Canada

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It is interesting, I think, this need we have to 'know' if we have made a difference. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate it. Am prone to it myself. But I do wonder, 'why do we need to know'? And I do not mean 'know' in the evidence-based, research proof about 'what works'. Rather, I am talking about that human need to know. Why we, as people, need to know if we are making a difference.

And then, having wondered about why we 'need to know', I am also led to wonder 'what impact does this need have on our work?'

Anyone want to talk about this?

Thom

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Hi One Feather,

Your name gave me a clue as to how to respond: One feather will not make a bird fly; it will take a lot of feathers. Yet we know that every feather [even One Feather] makes a difference.

Wondering whether we've been helpful is a reasonable query. Why would we waste our damn time if we were not being helpful? The same question was asked about commercial advertising; does it really make a difference? The beauty of advertising, is that you can measure the results in dollars. While there is no such objective measure of what youth workers do, experience makes me as sure of our influence as if there were an 'effectometer' on each kid's forehead.

Sometimes we want to be the only feather that makes a bird fly, as if that would validate us somehow. Some of us are not even flight-feathers though, yet we are all part of what the bird needs.

This morning, a child wanted to slit herself and drink detergent because a worker lied to her to get her to get her to do something. I suppose it is safe to say that the liar made a negative influence on the child. When I acknowledge the power to make a negative influence, yet wonder if I have made a positive one, I miss the obvious. As I get older, I wonder less. Of course I have a strong influence whether I want to or not. I live in humble fear of how profound that influence [for good or bad] is, and pray to not mess up!

Patrick
PS

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I am a second year cycc student working with a group of 8 bridges students within a classroom. These students have been coded with severe behavioural disorders not limited to A.D.H.D., F.A.S.D, O.D.D and countless others. The main objective within this program is to help those students between grades 1-3 get back into a "regular" classroom after being expelled or let go from their current schools. Initially I guess the easiest way for us to know if we have made a difference would be noticing regular assessments, but overall if the student goes back to a regular classroom during their duration with us, it has been successful. Although this doesn't mean that the student my not experience difficulties again throughout their lifetime.

How are we basing this difference? Whether or not they end up incarcerated? Educated? There are so many ways that we can decipher what this so called "difference" could be. I think as youth workers especially and the reason we end up in this field, to help people, makes us want to believe that we can change everyone for the better, or at least if we save one person our "mission" in life has been completed. Myself, I would feel like a failure if during my interactions with the children didn't somehow keep them status quo or better. If during my time the student ended up reverting I would hesitate not to think of that as a person failure on my part. Maybe this is the wrong way to go about it, I am unsure?

Maybe we all as people feel that we can not even do something as simple as a random act of kindness without the acknowledgment of a job well done?

I was very interested in what John (New Orleans) said about:

"A wise man with whom I worked 30 years ago said we will not know the effects of our work for many years, until they are in or through their twenties. The seeds we sew..."

As a student myself, I've realized it is the littlest thing that a student remembers for years to come. With the classroom that I am observing one of the teachers has been around for over 10 years and gotten to witness the progress of her young students completing high school, going on to college etc. I thought it was so interesting when she was telling me about the statistics just from those she had worked with. Unfortunately the stats weren't as high as I had hoped. I guess the biggest thing is, and I still continue to struggle with is, it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to be real, the students need that, and really it's not about you and me. It's all about them, we shouldn't be forcing our needs on the students, what we should need to for "them" to be whole functioning people that turn into whole functioning adults.

Chandra Rowley
Calgary, Alberta

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Hi, One Feather.

I'm up for Thom's discussion as well, and for starters.

Oh, how liberating it is to not need to know stuff!?! That being said, I do "need to know" that what I'm doing as Child and Youth Care is of some benefit because I subscribe to the belief that what I do has an effect on the children and youth with whom I work. Thus, if it is not a positive effect my work is having on kids, then it is otherwise – my worst nightmare! (to be doing harm).

Next, I believe Gerry Fewster's point is of fundamental importance to be kept in mind by Child and Youth Care practitioners. Success is not ours to have, lest for having help create the conditions of support with which it can be realized – I think THIS IS BIGGER THAN IT MIGHT SEEM!

So, what is "success" and by what conditions is it realized by the kids with whom Child and Youth Care practitioners work?

I like to start and end with resilience and competence – the attributes of kids that manage to survive despite the adversities of life they might experience, and to thrive by experiencing personally and socially competent lives. THEN, what are the qualities of resilience and competence, and what can be done to nurture them – to help create the conditions for them to be realized and to flourish?

Great research topic, don't you think? It seems to me, the results could potentially offer some credible "outcome measures" for what part we might play in support of the success of our kids.

All that being said, if we believe (and I do) that Child and Youth Care practice has a healthy, supportive effects by means of "relationship", then perhaps the fact that Child and Youth Care practitioners have supportive relationships with the kids with whom we work...then I know all I need to know on the matter.

Search for resilience, competence on www.cyc-net.org

Thanks so much, One Feather!
Davey
Vancouver, BC

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Given your curiosity I wonder about being "truly helpful?" I ponder the question while reflecting on a day in my office. Really I do not know if I have been helpful. I do know I hold an intention to support my clients where they are. I work at trusting that my intention will provide my clients with what they need.

Marjorie McQuarrie
Canada

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Hi Thom,

I was intimating in my posting that we don't need to know. I think that there is a process of personal development involved in becoming a person that does not need to know. I'm coming from a sort of karmic position. It would be interesting to audit other cultural takes on needing to know that we have made a difference. Is it a eurocentric need?

cheers Jeremy
The Robert Gordon University
A Scottish charity registered under charity number SCO 13781.

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Thom was wondering about the human need to know if we are making a difference. i think the need to know is a gift given to us. I believe in some ways it is what helps keep our human journey more than just an existence. I think the need to know is an inquiry which does not necessarily mean an answer. I would believe the impact it has on our work is positive providing the need is connected to a healthy part of ourselves,

Charlie

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