Since it's founding in 1997, the CYC-Net discussion group has been asked thousands of questions. These questions often generate many replies from people in all spheres of the Child and Youth Care profession and contain personal experiences, viewpoints, as well as recommended resources.
Below are some of the threads of discussions on varying Child and Youth Care related topics.
Questions and Responses have been reproduced verbatim.
Listen to thisI would like to pose a question to everyone. We
are having an ongoing debate over whether or not the residents should or
should not be allowed to wear hats at the dining table. Either answer could
you please provide me with you reasoning behind your answer. This is a
debate that we as a team are having and are split on.
Here is what we have put forward so far. No hats because it is the norms of
society that people are expected to remove their hats during a meal,
basically it is considered manners. The other side of the debate has asked
why is it considered good manners to remove your hat during a meal. One side
says we should be considerate of any self esteem issues that a child might
have, and need to consider that we might be setting the child up for
unrealistic expectations in society.
Thanks in advance for answers
David Rent
...
Hi. This is the kind of issue I love to comment on – so here goes.
It all depends on the context of the meal. For example, in a living
situation, bathrobes could be all right for breakfast.
I think that manners, and awareness of societal norms and expectations, need
to be modelled and taught to youth in group settings. I do not think that it
lowers their self esteem in any way to have such expectations held out (that doesn't mean, of course, that they will be immediately complied with,
or complied with without some protest. Being permitted to not like something
and to express it, without the expectation necessarily being removed, is
also 'appropriate' to group care.
Taking the above comments into consideration, I'd:
Perhaps – in fact probably – permit hats at lunchtime, snack time and any
time if for a reason a youth were in a hurry but eating first.
Maintain a practice of "no hats at dinner time" to give the message about
the societal norm and that usually dinner (whether it be served at noon or
in the evening) is a bit more formal. I might put a hat rack near the dining
area so if a youth "forgot" I could easily ask him or her to "check your
hat" for the duration of the meal.
Staff could certainly 'discuss' this with youth, explain reasons, and accept
complaining while expecting compliance.
Karen VanderVen
...
Hello Dave,
Wearing or not wearing hats at the table certainly reflects values that the
program holds. Some other manners include not wearing hats indoors at all. I
was watching golf on the weekend and they did a 30 second spot on the
importance of taking off your hat as a gesture of respect and thankfulness.
Personally when I am having a bad hair day I have been known to keep my hat
on in my house, yes even at the dinner table. Just as a noteworthy point ...
usually, when you are pondering such questions you tend to have a pretty
good grip on other, more volatile issues in a program. Sometimes when a
program is operating effectively we try to find, "Who has their feet on the
coffee table" It is an important issue but to who? In addition, I am always
mindful of the battles I pick if I am choosing to have a battle.
Ernie Hilton
...
If you are going to make a decision, make it with the residents, not for
them. Good luck.
Matthew Shimon
...
Question is where has this youngster come from and where is he going when he
goes back there? The hat may be very much part of who he is and the norms of
his own people and family. I doubt that he was referred to the program
because of wearing a hat at the dinner table. Focus on the real difficulties
this kid is working at, that's our business; his cultural, religious,
political and other stuff is his own to keep and take with him. Think of the
benefits of helping him to feel welcome at our dinner table ...
Brian Gannon
...
Dear David,
That's a tough one, and I can see the reasoning on both sides. I find that
I'm leaning more towards allowing hats to be worn for dinner. I think that
kids have so many rules to live by in residential care already, and they
need to feel somewhat in control. I think that it should be their choice,
keeping in mind that some of these young people may come from homes where it
wasn't a big deal, or maybe they didn't even eat dinner at the table.
My point is that these young people have enough to worry
about, why make it more complicated than it has to be? I think that we need
to make the young people feel as comfortable and at home as possible even if
we don't agree with some of the ideas. I'm curious about what the kids have
to say about it?
I hope I've been helpful. Sincerely,
Erin Christophersen
...
Well, I'd look at this issue this way. I work in a residence as a co-op
placement, and if we are supposed to provide a sense of normalcy inside the
home, then shouldn't we try to mimic or mirror as many of socially
acceptable practices as possible to prevent our kids from being set up when
they are within the community?
Sara.
...
David,
Good luck getting an answer to this question. It is interesting that after
20 years in this field, the same questions are still being asked. Round and
round the table we go!!
Jon Deactis
...
I agree that it depends on how fancy the meal is. If its a barbeque or an
easter dinner, I think that makes a difference. I also struggle with girls
being allowed to wear hats at the table and boys not being allowed. This is
kind of like the 'legion rules'. If a girl can have a bad hair day, so can
the boys. I think for youth especially they would have a hard time seeing
the difference, and it would seem unfair.
Tanya Richardson
...
Eight months later the thread was resumed ...
Well to me these are one of those issues where you have to choose your
battles. Is it worth the fight? Can you decide something with the whole
group of youth that you can agree on? Where I work we have a no hat policy
at the dinner table...when we have had guests over they have cued them and
it was a pleasure to see. The hat removal issue I believe can also move
towards sporting events where the hat is taken off for the anthem. Some
youth just may not realize that this is a display of respect and manors and
may need to be taught this if they were not taught this at their previous
placement/home, etc. Again I guess this is a personal belief/value that may
or may not work for you. Good Luck!
Jennie
