Since it's founding in 1997, the CYC-Net discussion group has been asked thousands of questions. These questions often generate many replies from people in all spheres of the Child and Youth Care profession and contain personal experiences, viewpoints, as well as recommended resources.
Below are some of the threads of discussions on varying Child and Youth Care related topics.
Questions and Responses have been reproduced verbatim.
Listen to thisI just finished watching the movie, What
Makes a Family. It was a great movie about a gay couple, and their
daughter – showing us that family doesn't have to include a bloodline.
It got me thinking about the families we work with, in the Child and Youth Care field.
What does your program do to include all types of families (step
families, gay parents etc.) For example during Father's Day what do you
do with a child, that doesn't have a dad, and may have two moms? Do you
include materials in your program to represent different families. (e.g.
What type of families are represented in the book that you have?)
Working with families, we cannot allow our own bias and opinion to
affect the way we work with them. If you have a strong belief on divorce
and gay couples, how do allow this not to affect the families that you
may come in to contact with
Carrie McDermott
BC, Canada
...
This topic really sparked my interest and I enjoyed reading other people's responses. It's really uplifting to hear how open minded and multicultural workers and programs are.
On the topic of making gifts on Mother's Day and
Father's Day it is sweet to see how children do regard other guardians
are deservant of these gifts. But I think it would also be beneficial to
promote the notion of making multiples! For example on Mother's Day I
bought flowers for three mothers I admire, though they are not my own.
It is important to show our appreciation to motherhood in general, as
I'm sure all children and adults can recognize someone elses mother as
wonderful. Of course the same goes for fathers and how I feel we should
praise more than just our own. This can be beneficial in a case where a
child does not have a biological mother or father, but definitely sees
another person in their lives as family. Families are made up of so much
more than direct relatives!
Emily Vieira
BC, Canada
...
Dear everyone,
Below is an excerpt from something I wrote some years ago about families
but it may be of interest,f even if it has only some residual historic
interest. Previous postings on this thread may have covered all the
things I mention. If so I do apologise.
Best wishes,
Charles Sharpe
__
To borrow a phrase of D.W. Winnicott, 'family is where we start from'.
The family kept us alive when we could not help ourselves. This is a
lengthy period which can extend from birth to well into our late teens
and beyond. As we grow older it is our family that contains us while we
seek our own identity and look for our place in the world.
Even when we have left home it is often to the family that we look for
emotional and practical support. If we start our own families, it is
frequently our own parenting figures' child nurturing methods which we
will use to rear our own children. It is from our parents that we will
frequently seek support and advice as we encounter the various
difficulties that inevitably arise in our lives as we look after our own
children.
Eventually roles may turn full circle and it may be us who will look
after those in our families who cared for us when we were young.
But what is a family? Socially and politically this question has become
increasingly contentious. The structure of the typical family is less
easy to define. As we know from our own multi-cultural society, from
what we have experienced in our personal history, from what we read and
see in the media, and of course from our holidays abroad, the idea of
family can mean different things not only to different cultural groups,
but also to each of us as individuals. We may for instance generalise
that in one culture the nuclear family is largely predominant while in
another culture the extended family may assume greater significance. Yet
even within specific cultures individual families are unique and there
are no hard and fast stereotypes.
There may be more general agreement about what it is – to use another
Winnicottian phrase – a 'good enough' family provides. In what follows I
have started to catalogue this provision. It is not an exhaustive
catalogue.
I am sure you can add to it. We are also aware from our own personal
experiences, and from our work with young people who have been separated
from their families, that families are not perfect. Some families are
not 'good enough' and in our work we are all too familiar with the
effect this has on the young people we care for, just as we are aware of
how less welcome aspects in our own families may have been unhelpful to
us during our own upbringing.
Some things a good enough family provides.
It provides children with at least one consistent, firm, caring
relationship – usually but not always the relationship between mother
and infant which will last at least throughout the early years of the
child's life.
It provides the mother or primary parenting figure and child with some
form of support to bring up her children.
It provides, first of all, parenting adults, and then children with a
secure environment, in which they have a clear identity and a role to
play.
It provides good role models for children to imitate.
It provides all its members with love, praise and warmth.
It provides a consistency of care giving.
It provides a consistency in attitude toward, and dealing with children.
It ensures that a child's wants and needs are responded to on a sensible
basis.
It offers an environment with sufficient stimuli and resources to
encourage exploration, discovery and creativity.
It presents an emotional and physical space where children and parenting
figures can play and explore.
It provides an emotional and social environment in which children can
learn how to behave in a socially acceptable way.
In providing at various and appropriate times the qualities listed here,
the family ensures that children are nurtured to the extent that they
have an opportunity to enjoy childhood and to become reasonably healthy
adults. In achieving these things it also provides for the future
generations of the family and the community. If we accept this then it
is chastening to think of the family experiences of many of the young
people we look after and it defines to the enormity of our task in
compensating them for what they have missed.
Charles Sharpe
2004
...
Hello, my family is composed of myself, my partner and daughter. The 3
three of us alllive together and we all have our basic needs met. To
me, this is a family. Of course, I also have family in other parts of
the country, which by definition would be my extended family.I used to
think my "partners in crime" were my family. Family is like religion, so
many types of families, just likeso many religions. Who's to saywhat
is afamily? I almost forgot, the governmentreassures me with a list of
definitions of what constitutes a family when it comes tax time.
Just some random thoughts:)
Dean
...
I believe that family is defined only by the person using the word. For myself family is the person I would want to turn to first in a moment of crisis.
Lina Thompson
...
Hello all,
I have been living in BC now for about 3 years. I moved here with a
group of 5 people. We are all originally from Ontario, and all of our
"families" live there. We became closer than I feel I have ever been
with my actual family.
When you only have each other in a very unfamiliar place you rely on each other like you would your family. Holidays would come along, and all of us family-less people got together and shared family time together to soften the blow. Now, going back to Ontario or being with my "real" family, I find myself missing my BC family, the family that held me together during my times of need, lend a hand for support and who would do anything for me.
That is my family. I love them.
Leah Turk
...
Family can vary from person to person and it mainly depends on who one
genuinely cares about, treasures your time with, loves, can trust, feels
most comfortable with and who you're most likely to go out of your way
to help.
