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The 'lost youth envy' that can cause parents to break up: Couples become unhappy their children are dating and partying
Researchers looked at 7,455 people having relationship counselling
Parents in their 40s and 50s 'find it hard to see children coming of age'
This can trigger 'dissatisfaction' and 'sadness about lost youth'
Couples with teenage children are at risk of breaking up because they suffer from ‘lost youth envy’, experts say. Many people become unhappy when they see their children dating and partying because they can no longer do so themselves, according to a study. And this causes some parents to become dissatisfied with their own relationships.
Memories of the excitement you felt in childhood come back, making it all the harder to deal with disappointment,’ she explained. This leads to a sharp rise in the number of couples seeking relationship counselling in January.
The research, which looked at 7,455 people having relationship counselling, identified the main life events that can cause relationships to break down.
Mrs Abse said that parents typically in their 40s and 50s can find it hard to see their children coming of age, which can be ‘a trigger for dissatisfaction between partners and sadness about lost youth’.
Other common triggers included a couple’s first row and their first baby.
Parents who work were most at risk of neglecting their relationship as they tried to compensate for leaving their child at nursery by spending as much of their remaining time as possible with them.
And high-flyers, who may have excessive expectations of themselves and their partners, are also particularly at risk.
‘They expect to have perfect bodies, a great sex life, be fabulously successful at work and have a glittering social calendar,’ Mrs Abse told the Sunday Times. ‘This can leave them feeling very anxious, constantly checking how well they are doing.’
They are then more likely to turn on their partner when reality falls short of their expectations, she said. Being a high-flier can also cause issues if one partner becomes more successful than the other.
Another common problem is when one partner is carefree and the other ‘double doses’ on unhappiness and worry.
The study also found that having a bad relationship can make you mentally ill. Almost 75 per cent of those in counselling had depressive illnesses, and those who were most unhappy in their relationship had the highest level of depression.
Eleanor Harding
22 December 2014
