Listen to thisUSA
What happened to respect?
There was a time when the phrase, “Children are to be seen, not heard,” was the normal way to deal with children. During my childhood, I remember my mom having conversations with my dad or her friends, and asking me politely to go play, because the grown-ups were talking. It is unheard of for parents to do this with their children today, because we think it is rude or because we are afraid we might hurt our child’s self-esteem.
There will always be things that you do not discuss in front of your children and things your children should not see you do.You cannot get drunk in front of your child, cuss, bring home a different boyfriend or girlfriend every month, and expect your child to respect you.
Grown-ups have to keep their lives separate from their children in order to protect the child’s innocence and to establish respect. Your child should always see you as a parent if you want them to respect you.
In the ’50s and ’60s, there were times when parenting was too strict, but there was respect for our parents and for our elders that is missing today in our youth.
Today parents are so concerned with being their child’s friend that they have forgotten how to be a parent. In their quest to be liked, and to make their child happy, they have lost the concept of how to parent their children. Your child is not your friend. Your job is not to make sure that he is happy 24 hours a day. Your job is to guide him, and teach him right from wrong. You can be a loving parent and still be firm.
Every parent will deal with a disrespectful child at one time or another. It is not unusual especially during adolescence for this to occur. It is how you deal with it that establishes the kind of relationship you will have with your child.
Children act in the moment. They want what they want when they want it; they do not think about consequences. Your job is to teach them what consequences are and why we have rules. Children also need to learn appropriate ways to handle their emotions, when they are frustrated or angry. When adrenaline kicks in they can go berserk, they roll their eyes, they slam doors, they call you the world’s meanest mother, and they tell you they don’t love you.
My children have been grounded for being disrespectful. I can forgive mistakes, because we all make them, but disrespecting others is a choice, and after a certain age children need to know how to disagree with their parents in a respectful manner.
Your children can tell you they are mad at you, that they are upset because they didn’t get their way. That they don’t agree with your rules. That your rules are ridiculous, but they should not be allowed to curse and yell at you.
Parents need to model the behavior they want in their children. If you are rude and disrespectful toward them you cannot expect them to respect you. If you are getting drunk every weekend, you can’t expect them not to do the same when they get older.
Establish early on which behavior is respectful and which is not. Teaching respect is a lifelong lesson. Every developmental stage your child enters will bring new issues for you. Your job is to teach your child skills so that he will behave respectfully not only with you, but with everyone.
Maria Luisa Salcines
3 April 2014
