Listen to thisI was wondering what to say in my editorial this month when I realized how many times in my life I have “wondered what to say”. You know, those moments when you are thinking “I should say something” but what? Like when some sadness has happened to a friend, or when some change, which you may not like, has happened or, even, when you did something you weren’t expected to do “whatever “anyway, those moments when you “know” you should say something but don’t know, are aren’t sure about, what to say.
Happens sometimes when we are with kids, doesn’t it? Or at least it should. Which is interesting because kids don’t have the same struggle “not usually anyway “they tend, more than we “adults” do, to say what’s on their mind. So when does that happen, I wonder “the transition from saying whatever is on your mind to thinking you should say something but don’t know what to say?
I was having a conversation with a colleague the other day. We were talking about times when you know, you really do know, that something a young person wants (like moving back home) is never going to happen. All the signs say you are right, the social service system is never going to be able to provide the services necessary to make this happen, or it is impossible to imagine the kind of service support which would make it possible. So, you know, you really do know, it is never going to happen as much as a) the young person might want it to happen and b) the system says it is “the right thing” (–all kids should go home!” they say).
And there you are, talking with the young person who is telling you about how much she wants to go home, to be with her family, and how the “system” won’t let her. And you know, you really do know, that it is never going to happen.
What do you say, eh?
Well, that’s what my colleague and I were discussing.
His code of ethics says he should not say anything that would suggest the young person's dream is impossible because to do so would possibly de-motivate the young person, or something like that “one should not impose their values and beliefs, etc., etc. “But, what,” I asked, “about the part of your code of ethics; the part that says you should be honest, open, transparent, treat the other person with respect and dignity?”
What to say, eh? Sometimes your own code, or the expectations of your profession, can just tie you up in knots: sometimes our “codes” “of ethics, of behaviour, of how-to-act “just are not of any help to us and, in the end, it all, comes back to us. Self-driven ethical decision making (Garfat and Ricks, 1995) suggests there is no handy, easy way out of the dilemma, the oh-too-frequent dilemma, of “what to say”.
Sometimes you just have to decide for yourself what to do.
Sorry about that!
Thom
Reference
Garfat, T. and Ricks, F. (1995). Self-driven ethical decision-making: A model for Child and Youth Care workers. Child and Youth Care Forum, 24, 6. pp. 393-404.
