Listen to thisIn shared spaces, where shadows
blend;
Edges soften, trust begins.
Reflections help us see within;
And wounds begin to mend.
There’s a lot of emphasis on space in our field. Personal space. Taking space. Shared space. Life space. I’ve even read on incident reports descriptions of young people being in good space and bad space. I know what the writers intended, but something always seemed off to me about that.
The physicality of space is fairly easy to understand. We feel violated if someone gets closer than we wanted. We can respect a physical boundary and give someone more room. Relational space is different. It has physical aspects but also more than that. Notice how when you’re around certain people your emotions change. Your sense of hope or despair varies. Beliefs are influenced (e.g., “I’ve got this” vs “Why even try”). And future pathways are determined (e.g., “I can trust others” vs “I can’t trust anyone”).
There are dimensions of these spaces that are physical, mental, relational, and even virtual (Gharabaghi & Stuart, 2013). And on a larger scale we share a spiritual space. Something we all sense and is often hidden below the surface inside us and around us.
In relational spaces we can think about how we engage in the action of co-creation. In a conversation with Thom Garfat he describes “there’s a shared relational space we co-create with others and it’s here we create the experience of self in connection”. He’s pointing us to the idea that what some people need is to have a different experience of themselves in relationship with others. Here is where we have the opportunity to create what the space looks and feels like together.
In these moments of connection and engagement we can find opportunities to see more clearly and experience more deeply. The outcome isn’t predetermined. Of course in the helping relationship there is an aim or intent and maybe even a few goals. Yet until we realize there’s an aspect of letting go and being open ourselves we can’t truly engage in co-creating spaces together.
Vygotsky tells us human development occurs dynamically through social interaction. The places this occurs are physical - at schools, parks, bridges, and buildings. And they are relational - in connections, conversations, shared experiences, and being together.
Changing the world is symbiotic with changing ourselves because “human consciousness springs from material, social activity, and that by transforming the world we also transform ourselves” (Sawyer, 2014). When we show up in relational spaces to be an advocate, a helper, or guide, we also see our own shadows and find our own edges. It’s the process itself that changes us and changes the world.
If you would like to hear the whole conversation between James Freeman and Thom Garfat, visit www.training-grounds.net/relational-care
References
Gharabaghi, K. & Stuart, C. (2013). Right here, right now: Exploring life-space interventions for children and youth. Pearson.
Sawyer, J. (2014). Vygotsky’s revolutionary theory of psychological development. International Socialist Review, 93.
