Listen to thisWhat we today understand from Child and Youth Care literature as being a “relational” approach to looking after children in care is a relatively contemporary phenomenon in the field. Yes, there have been some who have been writing about the foundational characteristics, concepts and elements of “relational” practice for many decades (Gerry Fewster, Thom Garfat, Grant Charles, Brian Gannon and Carol Stuart come to mind). Yet, it is only since the turn of the millennium that these foundations have coalesced into what we today understand as a “relational approach” to working with children and youth in care. Here is a little story about relational practice from a long time ago.
I was in residential care nearly fifty years ago. We were 64 boys (aged 7-18), cared for by a professional staff of 10. On the face of it, not an ideal situation for anything vaguely relational (never mind therapeutic). Right? In my first two years in care, I would go home during the four school vacations each year. And then, in year three, while preparing to go home for the first time that year, I was told by my houseparent’s that I would not be going home as I usually did. My father had disappeared and couldn’t be located. (I was quietly relieved. Going home for the holidays used to be fun. But it wasn’t anymore.)
Only a small number of boys, usually between 5 and 10, stayed behind during the holidays. When I heard that I wouldn’t be going home, my first thought was what I was going to do to occupy my time for three weeks with so few of my regular friends around.
Day 2, and I was already bored. After breakfast, the principal, Brian Gannon, asked me what I had planned for the rest of the holidays. I wasn’t exactly sure. He told me that a piano was being delivered sometime during the day – a “baby grand” (whatever that was). It had been donated from a cruise ship docked in Cape Town harbour and like all pianos on cruise ships, it had been painted baby blue. (Why?) Brian said that he would be spending the holiday restoring the piano to its original unpainted wood, and if I was at a loose end, I could help him. I said I’d think about it. Truth be told, it was really the last thing I wanted to do. Better to be bored than hang out with an adult for three weeks scraping and sanding a piano.
Two days passed and I realised that doing piano duty was really my only option for filling the vacation days. So, on the Wednesday morning I reported for duty in the front lounge of the Brian’s house. (I’d never been inside the principal’s house before.) He was already busy, heat gun in hand, stripping paint around the keys. He greeted me, showed me how to brush on paint stripper and how not to sandpaper across the wood grain. There was a bit of small talk in between me admiring my paint removal skills and wondering why and how I was allowed to share his space in his home – without that feeling that I was intruding - or just getting in the way of adult business. And so, for next 19 days we worked from 9-5, returning that piano to showroom condition. Looking at it, in all its glory, I remember such an amazing feeling of achievement. (I still carry a picture of it in my mind.) It was only much later in life that I truly understood what those three weeks of relational connection had meant to me as an adult.
Relational Child and Youth Care practice is an approach in which attention is directed towards ‘the in-between between us’ (Garfat, 2008). “Without a focus on the in-between between us, there is no relational practice” (Garfat, Freeman, Gharabaghi and Fulcher, 2018). Relational practice is not about relationship. Relational practice is about being in the moment with someone. As Gharabaghi noted: “… relational practice shifts the focus from the actors engaged in some form of interaction to the experience of interacting regardless of the specific actors” (Gharabaghi, 2014, p. 8).
It was nearly half a century ago that I cleaned that piano with Brian. Yet, the very basis and essence of what we today understand as relational practice - daily life events, meaningful moments, hanging out, hanging in, intentionality, rhythmicity, being emotionally present, and yes, the purposeful use of activities were already hard at work with the 9 year-old-me back then – and continues nearly 50 years later. Thank you, Brian, for your commitment, your vision, and for “hanging-out” and “hanging-in” with me.
References
Garfat, T. (2008). The inter-personal in-between: An exploration of Relational Child and Youth Care practice, In G. Bellefeuille, and F. Ricks, (Eds) Standing on the precipice: Inquiry into the creative potential of Child and Youth Care Practice, (pp 7-34), Alberta, Canada: MacEwan
Garfat, T., Freeman, J., Gharabaghi, K. and Fulcher, L. (2018). Characteristics of a Relational Child and Youth Care Approach Revisited. CYC-Online, 236, pp7-45
Gharabaghi, K. (2014) Relationships and relational practice. CYC-Online, 185, 6-9.
