ListenI really like normal kids. Who doesn’t? Ok, I actually did know someone once who didn’t like children. But those energetic, bright-eyed, curious, playful, friendly kids. Those kids who are ready to help whenever someone needs help.
Those playful kids who are easy to laugh and who make us laugh, too.
Those serious kids who are anxious to learn. Those competitive kids who
play hard to win. Those creative kids who surprise us with the things
they do. Those tough kids who never give up. I guess what I like best is
their potential.
But I worked with kids who were sad, angry, mean,
sometimes even vicious. So unmotivated that they seemed positively lazy.
Obstinate, oppositional kids. I sometimes think I like those kids the
best. Most people wouldn’t think of them as normal, but I do. I guess
what I like best is their potential. They have so far to go, yet they
have the potential they need to get there. To me, that seems to be the
greater potential.
To my way of thinking, they are as normal as anyone. They learn the same way everyone else does, from their experiences and from their relationships with the people around them. All I have to do is think about where they came from and what happened to them. What they were taught or what they had learned. I know that they learned these things just as normally as anyone learns anything, even though what they learned might be causing problems both for them and for others.
You see, at times, these kids show so many of the qualities I like in ‘normal’ kids. They have plenty of energy when they need it. They just aren’t always energetic about things that adults want them to be energetic about. They are curious, but their curiosity has to be stimulated.
Once they start learning, they begin tolearn faster and faster. Sometimes, it can be a challenge to keep up. They sure can be friendly when they don’t feel threatened. They sometimes seem ready to help anyone, even when they seem to be unable to help themselves. How unselfish is that? And when they can relax and let loose, boy can they be funny. I really, really like these kids.
As for their motivation, well, they can be highly motivated to do many things. Challenge an unmotivated kid on a basketball court or football field some time. They just aren’t always motivated to do the things adults think they ought to do. One of the problems with their motivation is their self-confidence. They haven’t had much experience with success. They see no point in putting effort into something they don’t expect to accomplish.
Another problem with their motivation is their trust, their confidence in others and the world around them. They see no point in putting effort into something when they don’t trust others to do what they’re supposed to do.
Truth is, with the exception of a few children who had severe mental limitations, I never met a kid who I didn’t think of as normal. Maybe their behavior isn’t ‘within normal limits.’ Maybe they have a bad attitude. But they all seem to learn extremely well, sometimes quite quickly. It’s just that circumstances were such that they sometimes didn’t have the opportunities to learn that we tend to take for granted. Or that circumstances were such that they learned the wrong things instead of things that are more ‘normal’ in our society and culture. I always feel I could expect other kids, perhaps even myself, to learn the same things they learned in similar circumstances.
So what’s wrong with these kids? To me, it’s two things. First,
they’ve missed out on some of the experiences children need in order to
learn and grow and develop. Second, they’ve had some experiences that
children should never have. Other than that, they are just like the rest
of us. And you sure can’t blame them for the experiences they’ve missed
or the experiences they’ve had.
For me, it all depends on how I
define ’normal.’ If I define normal in terms of what they are, well then
lots of people aren’t normal in one way or another. When I define normal
in terms of the potential to learn and grow, well, I haven’t met many
people whom I found lacking.
So I always thought of it as my job to provide a safe and predictable environment where these children could begin to trust, to heal. An environment where healthy relationships could begin to develop, progress, and thrive, not just with staff, but among the children themselves. An environment that provides experiences and relationships from which these children can learn, to catch up as it were, and then to move on. To stimulate their curiosity and interest. To teach them all they want to learn or need to know.
Christians have a saying: “There but for the grace of God go I.”I prefer the Native American version: “I will not judge a man until I have walked a mile in his moccasins.” In the words of Cornel West: “I... know what he’s up against. I want to protect him, respect him and correct him.”
