Listen to thisGerry Fewster’s column in the May 2011 Issue of CYC-Online , “Is There Anybody There?”, got me thinking a bit about a number of things, although perhaps not the things he had in mind. He writes about writing professional literature and then getting no response from anyone. In other words, no feedback. No one to say they liked, agreed with, appreciated, or benefitted from his writing. No one to say they didn’t like, disagreed with, or objected to what he wrote. Nothing. So he stopped writing until he was approached to write a few more columns.
Indeed, I know the feeling well (although I have on rare occasions gotten feedback on something I wrote, as I suspect did he). I wonder at times whether anyone reads my little efforts. But this is not about me or Gerry or writing. Rather, it is about the importance of feedback, how feedback is not always the same thing as criticism, and how both feedback and criticism affect not only our children, but the staff, as well. People need feedback in order to adjust their functioning, their behaviour, in order to meet their objectives. People do not always need criticism. Feedback and criticism are not always the same thing.
If I remember correctly from my college days, I first encountered the concept of feedback in systems theory. The concept was borrowed from engineering. An example I recall is in electronics, where a feedback loop is built into a circuit to allow the circuit to adjust itself. For example, some amplifiers have a feature for automatic volume control. It is a circuit that provides information to the amplification circuit about how much electricity is going to the speakers so that the amplification circuit can adjust itself. The more electricity, the greater the volume. When too much electricity is going to the speakers, the amplification circuit must cut back its output to keep the volume constant.
When not enough electricity is going to the speakers, the amplification circuit must increase its output to keep the volume constant. In electronics, such adjustments occur almost instantaneously so that there are no perceivable changes in volume. (I would love to have that feature on my TV when those commercials come blaring every six or seven minutes. But then, on second thought, it would spoil my music, eliminating pianissimos and crescendos.)
In short, feedback is information that allows systems to adjust themselves. It is desirable information that systems need in order to meet their objectives.
Driving a car provides a good illustration. Drivers receive a lot of feedback. There is the visual feedback about where and how fast the car is going. There is the auditory feedback from the sound of the engine and tires. There is sensory feedback from muscles about the resistance of the steering wheel and brake pedal. There is tactile feedback from contact with the seat, providing information about changes in speed and direction. And there is internal feedback from our bodies providing information about changes in speed or direction. All of this enables drivers to keep their cars on the road at the speed they want. In fact, there is so much feedback that drivers can do quite well without some of it. For example, early power steering on some cars provided no feedback from the steering wheel–turning the wheel was completely effortless, there was no resistance. But the visual feedback and physical feedback still allowed drivers to keep their cars on the road. (I found the lack of feedback from that power steering most annoying.)
But when a car goes into a skid on ice, much more of the feedback is lost, the feedback from the steering wheel and the feedback from the sound of the tires. There is little or no change in speed or direction. Drivers lose control. They have no idea in what direction their wheels are pointed. and have considerable difficulty regaining control once the car hits dry pavement. And when drivers are distracted (by texting?) and stop perceiving or attending to some of the feedback, their ability to drive can be considerably impaired.
Not all information that drivers receive is feedback. When the brake lights come on in the car in front, that’s information that indicates that drivers need to prepare to slow down or stop. It’s not information about something drivers are doing but rather something they need to do. When drivers gesture for other drivers to proceed, that’s information that they are yielding the right of way. When drivers gesture in other ways–often obscene–that’s information for other drivers that they did something that another driver did not like. It’s criticism. It may be feedback, information that drivers did something they do not want to do again. On the other hand, it’s likely to be perceived simply as annoying and unwelcome criticism from a jerk.
Information that something we did was successful in meeting our objectives is the strongest reinforcement for behaviour. Information that something we did failed to achieve our objectives is likely to result in our eventually changing our behaviour, in our trying something different. As such, feedback about the failure of our behaviour is one of the most effective (if not the most effective) of punishments. In fact, when there is feedback that people have achieved their objectives, unpleasant stimuli, including punishment imposed by someone else, is not so likely to reduce behaviour and may, in fact, strengthen it.
Socially, feedback is equally important. People are social creatures. They have social needs and wants leading to social objectives. Social feedback can help people adjust their behaviour to meet their social objectives, provided they perceive and understand it.
Feedback and criticism are not always the same thing. Feedback is information about what people are doing that helps people adjust their behaviour to meet their objectives. Sometimes, criticism is feedback; other times, it is not. For example, when teenagers dress casually to go out on Friday nights, their objective is often to please their dates or their peers. When their parents tell them that they look ridiculous, it is criticism but not feedback. They are not dressing to please their parents. Should their dates or their peers tell them they look ridiculous, it is criticism, but it is also feedback that is likely to lead to a change in how they dress, perhaps immediately. They are dressing for peer acceptance and approval.
In the same way, praise is not always feedback. Going back to teenagers on Friday nights, compliments (praise) from their parents on how they look is not likely to be feedback. In fact, compliments from parents may raise a red flag. On the other hand, when their peers compliment them on their attire, it is feedback that is likely to have them continue dressing in a similar fashion.
And so I think about the kids with whom we work. They get a lot of criticism. It sometimes seems to me that they get criticism all day long, that criticism is all they get. And then I wonder how much of this criticism is feedback for our children. But then, it’s only natural to notice things that are wrong and try to do something about them. After all, the kids come to our attention primarily because of problems with their behaviour. I think it is only natural to take good things for granted and do little or nothing about them–unless it’s to offer up a “Good job!” as I have been hearing too much of lately–I wonder how our kids feel about that trite phrase. But problems–those we have to address. It’s our job. Or is it? In order to understand a bit better, let’s take a moment to think about the staff. They get very little feedback. A “Thank you” from the children. Please, don’t hold your breath. Or the most important feedback–“Did all my efforts and hard work pay off?” “Did any of my efforts pay off?” It may be years until that information is available to anyone, and agencies do not tend to collect it, to follow children after they leave service. That’s part of why relationships and being there in the moment are so important. For the staff for whom relationships and being there in the moment are their primary focus, there is plenty of feedback. “Did I succeed in connecting with this kid?” The feedback is there. You can tell, if only from the body language and facial expressions. “Did I succeed in getting through? Did she get it?” The feedback is readily available. Staff can see the light go on. If not, they can get feedback by asking children to repeat what they have learned, figured out, or discovered. These are the staff who help kids. The staff who are there in the moment. The staff who connect.
But for the staff who are too focused on helping children, who are too focused on the future and what the children will become, how they will turn out, the feedback is not so readily available. These staff tend to become frustrated, sometimes with the administration for not making the kids accept their wisdom, guidance, and advice. In effect, they lose control. They are adrift. They have trouble adjusting their behaviour. Or worse, they become frustrated with the kids. They are not sufficiently in tune to the feedback in the moment. They are too focused on their needs to impart wisdom and change kids. It’s not one thing or the other. We all like kids. We all enjoy being with kids. We all want to help them. Rather, it’s a matter of focus.
Criticism vs Feedback
Our children get a lot of criticism all day long. But how much of it is feedback. How much of it is relevant to their needs and objectives? How much of it can they use?
I think the key is to make sure that criticism is indeed feedback. Feedback is information that helps people adjust their behaviour to meet their objectives, their wants and needs. When criticism is feedback, no matter how much it may hurt, and criticism does tend to hurt, nevertheless, it does help people, both staff and children, to adjust their behaviour to meet their objectives. When criticism has more to do with the needs of the person offering the criticism rather than the needs of the person being criticized, it is criticism without being feedback.
And this is where relationships come into play. When we are offering this information, this feedback, this criticism, when it seems that this comes from our interest in the other person and their well-being, well then it has a much better chance of being perceived and accepted as feedback–eventually. When it appears that this information has to do with what we want, it is much more likely to be perceived and often resented and rejected as criticism.
So how do we make sure that when we correct children (or staff), it’s perceived and accepted as feedback rather than criticism? This is where relationships come into play. When we really do have the best interests of the children in mind (and it has to be real–they cannot easily be fooled), they are much more likely to perceive and believe that we are motivated from their interests rather than our own or those of the agency. But it also matters how we communicate our concerns.
There are several ways to do this. The key is to remember that feedback is information rather than criticism or judgement, then to make the information relevant to the goals and objectives of the children, to their wants and needs. (It is much easier to understand their objectives in the context of relationship.) There are several ways to do this. One is to ask questions to help children discover the relevant information for themselves, to improve their understanding of social situations and of their own objectives. “What did you hope to accomplish when you said that to Billy?” (as opposed to “Why did you do that?”) “I don’t know?” “Ok, let’s see if we can figure it out together.”
Once they begin to get a handle on their objectives, we can ask questions about what the results of their behaviour were, whether or not it accomplished what they intended. At this stage, we can begin to help them to understand social cues and information that they might not have perceived, to tune them in to social information that can serve as feedback, then to help them understand the connections to their behaviour. ”Did you see Billy’s expression when you said that?
How do you think he was feeling?” Or how others are avoiding a child. Or seem angry and children have no idea why.
Then we can help them identify alternative behaviours that would be more likely to achieve their objectives. “What else could you have done?” “What do you think would happen if you had done...?” Then, we can help them to make amends. “What can you do about that?” “What are you going to do?” Finally, we can help them to plan for the future. “What are you going to do next time someone does what Billy did?”
In effect, we are helping children to discover information for themselves rather than providing it. Rather than criticizing them or judging them, we are helping them to understand their social needs and objectives, perhaps to reevaluate them, and teaching them to be more aware of the social cues and information that can serve as feedback in the future.
On the other hand, there are times when we do have to provide children with feedback that does have to do with our own needs or those of the agency. Again, we can avoid the appearance of criticism if we remember that feedback is information rather than judgement. First, we have to be honest, whether it’s about our needs or the needs of the agency. “It hurts me when you say those things.” “I really need you to respond promptly to fire drills. When we don’t evacuate the building withing 60 seconds, the fire marshal gives us a bad mark when he does his inspection. That in turn gets us a bad mark when we have a licensing inspection, all of which makes more work for me to write a plan of correction. I would really appreciate your cooperation. Ok? Now lets try one more drill.”
There is one more problem with criticism. No matter how carefully we provide feedback, children are going to encounter others who are not so careful and who may criticize more directly, perhaps even harshly. Criticism is a problem for many of our children, both from peers and from adults. Many of our children have learned from experience that criticism is dangerous. In their homes, criticism may have often been the precursor to considerable unpleasantness, to screaming and yelling, to psychological abuse (“You ungrateful child, after all I’ve done for you. You’re worthless. You’ll never amount to anything”), even to violence and physical abuse. This can result in a vicious circle when children learn to respond defensively to even the mildest and most reasonable criticism, resulting in more criticism and eventually provoking the kinds of scenes they’ve come to expect with criticism. From a classroom teacher: “You’re late.” “I was only...” and then on and on. A big production. Teacher: “I’ve had enough. Go to the office.” And in the office, an even bigger scene provoked by a now truly frightened child. Had the child responded to “You’re late” with a contrite “Sorry,” it would have been over and done with.
In such cases, we can help by teaching children that criticism does not have to be dangerous. Criticism doesn’t even mean that they have to do anything other than to acknowledge it (Say “Ok”) and possibly to apologize (“I’m sorry”). And it’s over. Systematic desensitization can help, i.e., repeated practice, beginning with mild, possibly even ridiculous or humorous criticism. “I’m going to give you some criticism now. Are you ready?” “I guess so.” “Ok. Here it comes. You have a hair out of place.”
Praise vs Feedback
Nearly all of our children do more things right in a day than they do wrong. Oh, I know when they do wrong it can be pretty terrible, but it would be interesting to think back on the day for a child who has had a major problem and to list all of the things she or he did right. Got up on time. Dressed neatly. Was polite and pleasant at breakfast (difficult for me to do). Made Ellen laugh. Went to school. Had no problems at school today. Did chores without complaining. Told the truth. Didn’t steal anything. Avoided a confrontation with Jenny. Helped me carry in the groceries. And countless other things before totally losing it with a peer over an unkind remark and ruining everyone’s day, including her own.
It’s not possible to praise everything. Nor is it desirable to do so. Children do not want to be praised all the time. But they do want to be noticed, especially when they are doing something right. But praise, like feedback, tends to have more to do with the needs of the person doing the praising. The key is to make it relevant to the objectives of children. Children sometimes want to please adults, but they have other objectives that can be more important. “I saw how you avoided a confrontation with Liz outside. How did that make you feel?” “You helped Larry with his chore. How do you think he felt? How did that make you feel?” Or just, “Thank you for helping Bobby with the trash.” Or, “You are always so pleasant at breakfast. That’s quite different from some of the rest of us.”
It’s ok to express approval or appreciation for something children have done, but many times it’s just as good or better just to let them know you noticed it. What would be the result if, after a child had a major meltdown and was cooling off in her room (serving a restriction?), a staff member handed her a piece of paper and said, “I wanted you to have something to think about. This is a list of some of the things I noticed that you did today.” A list of all the things she did well.
And the ubiquitous “Good job.” I once worked in a strict behavioural program in which staff were encouraged to praise children at every opportunity, in addition to taking points for a list of behaviours that exceeded short term memory (44 of them). “Good job” was tossed around like strings of beads at a Mardi Gras parade.
My favorite was when a boy was serving a room restriction of several hours. Room restrictions had just been modified so that children were allowed to sit on a chair outside their room if they chose. (Confining them to their rooms had been determined to be seclusion, and seclusion could not be used as punishment.) During room restrictions, children were not allowed to speak and staff were not allowed to speak to them unless it had something to do with serving their restriction. A manager in charge of the behavioural program walked onto the unit and after a few moments said to the boy, “Good job serving your restriction!” I still wonder what thoughts went through the boy’s mind.
Feedback for Staff
Providing feedback for staff is a little different. Children come to an agency to get their needs met, not to meet those of the agency or the staff. Staff, on the other hand, come to an agency to meet the needs of the agency (which hopefully includes meeting the needs of the children as a top priority). Consequently, feedback to the staff has to do primarily with the needs of the agency.
In my experience, there are two potential problems with staff–staff failing to do something they should do or doing something wrong. In the first case, when staff have failed to do something, I have found that it is very often because they were doing something else at the time. Perhaps they have their priorities wrong, or perhaps they had their priorities exactly right. In either case, it’s a problem for staff and supervisors to solve together. When staff are doing something they should not do, it is likely a matter for instruction, for teaching.
(When those approaches fail to resolve the problem, then it becomes a matter for criticism and perhaps discipline or dismissal. The worst case scenario is when staff think they know best and run the program as they think it needs to be run after supervisors and management leave for the day. This often involves meeting out a bit more discipline for the children than the program calls for.) But more often than not, problems with staff provide feedback for supervisors, who must make some changes so that staff can get everything done. I remember one program where the supervisor–the best child care person I ever worked with–was responsible for tallying up the $300 petty cash account each week. He would labor over it for hours late into the evening, and still not get it right. The executive assistant was frustrated, and consequently the Executive Director. They were ready to issue some form of discipline. The solution was easy. I simply took over the responsibility. It took me only about 30 minutes and the supervisor was free to do what he did best–meet the needs of the children and his staff. The Executive Director didn’t like my solution, but when there were no more problems, that was the end of the matter.
But the real problem with feedback for staff is, I think, noticing all the things they do, both for the children and for the agency. Many managers, when they visit a unit, feel they need to comment on anything they find amiss. It’s most discouraging for staff. They cringe whenever a manger walks onto their unit. I much prefer to make a mental note of anything I see amiss to deal with at a later time (unless it is such that it requires immediate attention–I can think of no time when I felt it did), and instead to notice and talk about things that are going right. Then, few days later, I can bring any problems up with the staff in a casual discussion.
Or think about the staff whose reports are a little thin in information, always on time but lacking in detail. The standard wisdom–start with a compliment before you criticize. “Your reports are always timely. I appreciate that. But, I need more information, detail.” It’s a big ‘BUT.’ The compliment gets lost. Better to offer the compliment and to wait a bit for the criticism. First, they know you notice their reports. Nice to have one’s work noticed. Then, wait a few days, then ask for more details. “I’ve been looking over some of your reports.” (Still noticing their work.) “I think you could improve them with a bit more detail. That’s helpful to people who weren’t there.” A chance to improve and tips them off that the manager likes details. Best. Wait until they write a good report. “This report is excellent. The details are terrific.” Let’s them know their manager notices their work and is likes details. The manager may get too many details the next time. Meanwhile, the staff is feeling pretty good. Noticed, appreciated, and knows how to please the manager. Of course, this takes a bit of time and effort. Managers may not have the time and patience and energy for this strategy. And then I wonder–is their time and energy so stressed because they are spending so much time recruiting, interviewing, and training new staff, who also can’t write good reports.
I like to write more memos of commendation than disciplinary memos. In fact, I do not write disciplinary memos. Rather, I write memos of instruction, but only on the rarest of occasions, when necessary for purposes of documentation in case authorities want to know at some point what was done about a given problem. Good staff do not need memos to correct them. When they understand what is needed, they will do their best to do it. (Those who cannot understand or will not do what is required–sadly, I’ve had a few–they don’t need memos, either. They need a different job.)
Conclusion
Everyone needs feedback. Feedback when we are doing well helps us to keep doing well. It is the best reinforcement for behaviour. Feedback when we are not doing well helps us to change. It is an effective ‘punishment for behaviour.
Without feedback, we are without guidance. We lack the information we need to sustain our efforts and the information we need to make changes. And criticism that is not feedback, either for children or staff, well, it’s damaging and demoralizing. So many of our kids are already demoralized. So are too many of our staff. Criticism is too likely to be about the likes and dislikes of the people doing the criticism and based on the condescending assumption that the person being criticized wants to please the person who is offering the criticism. That can be demeaning, even when people do want to please others.
Just one more thing. Feedback is especially important when management wants to implement changes, new policies or procedures. Simply writing a new procedure and having training on it is seldom effective unless management is prepared to follow up, to notice when staff are doing their best to follow the new procedure and provide feedback. When management is too preoccupied to follow up with a new procedure, staff are likely to revert back to the old ways within a short period of time, the new procedure becoming no more than a piece of paper in a largely irrelevant manual that is dragged out only to discipline or terminate staff.
