I am feeling disconnected these days. I miss my tri-weekly “fix” of CYC-Net discussions. I didn’t think about it much until it happened. Isn’t that so often the way it is? Now I notice my email box seems sadly devoid of something important “the everyday voice of “us”. It brings up historical memories of “not being heard” which has been so much a part of our past. Interesting how the past comes forward into the present and influences how we experience a moment or a situation.
We didn’t mean to become disconnected, of course. Like in so many cases, it was one of those things that “just happens–; in this case it was one of those outcomes of being at the mercy of others “the Internet Service Providers who, having decided to discontinue the email server software we were using, have offered to replace it with a service which would cost us about 10 times the amount we already could only just afford. We are in the process of begging and pleading with them, but we are, I am afraid, somewhat insignificant in their grander plans. But, as always, we remain, if not optimistic, at least hopeful. And hope is what helps sustain us in the presence and takes us all forward, is it not? Everyone needs hope “for without it, we fall into despair.
We miss you, of course “sometimes we hear from you but are unable to pass on your thoughts or messages to others “a frustrating situation for we who have considered ourselves to be the “facilitators of connections” in the family. On some level I feel like we are failing you “no, don’t protest “it’s just a feeling and these things do arise as a result of experience. When one is denied a role they use to define themselves, such feelings are bound to arise.
The good thing is we know you are still out there “you are, aren’t you? I wonder, do you miss us too? Do you drop around the house sometimes to see if we are still around? Peek through the window to see what changes we have wrought? Knock on the door to see if anyone is home? As Bruce Perry reminded us, we all do have memory “and in this case, the memory helps to feed our hope for the future “memory of past feelings, of other challenges faced and overcome, of the rewards of persistence. We know we can overcome this somehow “we are, after all, we believe, sufficiently resilient. And we know we are not alone “in the past others have come forward with solutions to help us out “maybe this time someone else will do the same. When you are connected with others, they are often a source of hope for the future.
We experience unease when we are disconnected. Often we seek out other places to connect if the unease gets too great “we hope you are not there yet! We worry about losing you from the family “ah, those anxieties again “once they start, they can show up anywhere at the drop of a hat. So, please do hang in there with us. Knowing others are “cheering you on” helps one to face the challenges. Knowing you are not alone makes the silence easier to handle.
It's all the same everywhere, isn’t it “when the challenges come, we all go through the process based on our previous experiences. And often, if we are fortunate, we can realistically maintain our hope for the future.
And by the way, if you do have any ideas for us, do shout – even though we are not as present as we would like, we are still listening.