ListenI have often talked about my educational journey but rarely openly talked about my writing journey. I want to share my journey, then offer an opportunity to join together. To help overcome the hesitation to write about the child and youth care profession, your ideas about practice and reflections on your work or the work of others.
I moved around a lot when I was a child, 19 times before I was 18 years old. You can imagine the disruption in my education. I use the word education in a broad sense. It disrupted my social opportunities, so I was often awkward as a kid. It disrupted my understanding of community because I was never in one for very long. It disrupted my knowledge and use of the English language but I could swear!
I recall one of the many moves when I was in grade three, and the teacher shouted at me because I did not know what a paragraph was. I recall a year or so later when the teacher was talking about verbs and adjectives, and I was thinking, “what the hell is an adjective,” but I did not ask because all the other kids seemed to know. And, remember starting a new school in a new city in grade eight in May, and the teacher told me I had to do the class presentation like all the other students. I prepared my presentation (no Powerpoint back then), stood in front of the class of new peers, and I was so nervous that I promptly threw up in front of everyone (no making friends now). After that, I was unable to speak in public until I dealt with it in therapy.
Somehow, I managed to get to grade eleven but I was not doing well, so I dropped out. After I quit, I remember my vocational math teacher came to me in the retail store I worked at and tried to talk me into coming back to school. I did not heed his words, but they did inspire me until I did eventually go back. When I applied to college as a mature student I completed a knowledge test and was told I could apply without upgrading. So, I applied to the Child and Youth Care program at MacEwan University (College at the time) in Edmonton and did very well. After working for a few years someone encouraged me the complete a bachelor's degree. I went to the University of Victoria, also in Child and Youth Care, I also did very well there. Several of my instructors encouraged me to pursue a master's degree, so I applied and was successful – until my first paper.
It was here that I was told, many times, that I could not write. Those were the exact words that were used many times “you can’t write.” These comments brought back my secondary school experiences, with teachers telling me I was incompetent. But they were right. I was a terrible writer. My thesis supervisor asked me to withdraw and go into the project-based master's instead of a thesis. After lots of tears and several counselling appointments, I did not withdraw, I went back to my supervisor, and he agreed. I would get my papers edited before submitting. I always had to be several days ahead of the deadlines because of the extra time I needed.
After completing the coursework, it was time to write my thesis. I loved the topic and was enthusiastic about what I was learning but trying to bring myself to write was very difficult. My new partner offered to help. In any event, I thought I had learned enough from the edits I had to make on the course papers, so I took him up on his offer. My eyes welled up with tears when he sat me down after the first look at my draft, and every single page was marked with mistakes, either in grammar, APA or both. I was so embarrassed. How could I have reached this point when I could not write? Still, I managed to get over myself, finished the work, and vowed I was done with education (never say never, I now have a PhD).
Throughout my career, people would tell me that I had important contributions to make to the field of child and youth care and that I should write about them. I would nod politely, but was thinking, ‘no f***ing way.’ Famous last words. There was a topic I really wanted to write about – so I did and submitted it to the Child and Youth Care journal. I was contacted by the editor at the time, saying that my topic was of interest, but it needed to be edited, and would I be willing to work with the copy editor. I was not surprised that it needed to be edited; I was used to it by now. I was however, surprised by the number of edits it needed; I thought I had gotten better at this! Those nasty words from my secondary school teachers, which by now had become my own, crept back in; back to therapy. I got over myself, did the edits (back and forth a few times), and it was published. Then I completed some writing courses.
Part of what I learned in those courses that no matter what I write, I will always need someone to edit my work. I am simply too close to it to see what I cannot see. What I have in my thoughts does not always translate well onto paper. I had to learn that I should not write the way I speak, these are different ways to articulate. I also realized that the As I received in my undergraduate work was partly due to kind-hearted teachers that cared more about the content of what I was saying than how I said it.
I can talk about this writing journey now because I have gotten over myself. I now have completed two books and several published articles and book chapters. I had to work hard to get there. I had to accept the need to edit my work, more than once. I know that it is not personal. Imagine how I felt when at a recent conference, someone I did not know leaned over to me and said, “besides being an author, what do you do?” My heart skipped a beat, me an author. Believe me I claimed that title, author; I worked for it.
There are things in this field that need to be examined, reflected upon, and questioned, and it helps to be in a community so that we do not keep these thoughts to ourselves and our small circles. So, I am urging you to write. Write about your questions about our field, why we practice in certain ways, where these practices come from, and what you think about these practices. Write about your reflections on your work, the work of others, the history of our field, and the child and youth care stories that stand out to you.
A Call to Action
At the recent National Child and Youth Care Conference in Canmore, Alberta, Canada, a group of us discussed the need for more voices in our field and more people writing about our profession. We spoke about the idea of writing groups and writing mentors. Now there is a group of us willing to act as writing mentors – if you are willing to take up this call to write. You are not the only one with writing fears; together we can work through our collective hesitation about writing. We can work in pairs or small groups virtually, by phone or by email. Do not let yourself make excuses. Instead, make the time to further your thoughts to educate others, to contribute to our field, so that one day, someone will call you an author.
