Listen to thisOur birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. – Jean Paul Richter
Most of us remember our childhood birthdays as a happy time. Some stand out more than others. Two that are unforgettable to me were turning thirteen and becoming a teenager, and eighteen when I officially became an adult. Birthdays are markers in our lives as we grow up, as well as personal days when we understand what we mean to others – even if once we’re older we sometimes prefer to ignore them or downplay them! I also remember my sixteenth birthday because my mother forgot about it until that morning, so there was no card, present or treat arranged. She was distraught and hugely apologetic that she’d forgotten. She had some problems at the time and it had never happened before, so I understood ... but it still hurt and made me feel unimportant and unloved for a while.
When we’re young our birthdays are usually celebrated with a party and party games and a cake with candles to be blown out and wishes to be made. As we grow older we celebrate differently with fun trips or meals out, but the most important thing about birthdays is that they’re days when we like to feel special and cared for. It’s not about the presents but about our friends and family and sharing our celebration with them.
It was Mary’s birthday not long ago and she was turning 17. I asked if she was going to be doing anything at the children's home to celebrate. She said they would have some cakes and sing happy birthday, but there wouldn’t be a party orouting. It made me sad to think of all the children who may not have celebrated their birthdays while they were living away from their families. It reminded me of how I felt when I turned sixteen and made me realize how children in care particularly need to know and understand where they belong and that they are important to someone.
After thinking about it and talking to the Housemother I suggested that Mary might like to spend the Saturday following her birthday with me. I asked her to think of some outing she would enjoy and said she could stay the night and we’d have a meal and watch a DVD of her choice. She was very excited at the idea, partly because she hadn’t stayed over at my house before and partly because she wanted to try Chinese food, which she had never eaten.
I was quite excited myself. Sometimes we get a bit bogged down in our lives and don’t take the time to do something different. Going somewhere different and seeing something new is a good way of stimulating your mind and learning new things and this applies to us oldies as well as youngsters. I know that the children's home is good at doing things with the girls. Mary has told me about the holiday camps they have been on and some of the shows and museums she has enjoyed, but it’s slightly different doing something with just two of you.
A few days later she called to tell me she would like to go to the Aquarium in Cape Town. She had never been and wanted to see the sharks being fed. On the Saturday, when I picked her up, I gave Mary her birthday present. I had decoupaged a wooden box in exotic colourful papers for her with her name across the top in gold. It was a “treasure chest” for her special things.
We had such a good time at the aquarium. It was a wonderful experience looking at all the different sea creatures. To begin with Mary kept rushing past the exhibits, probably because she wanted to make sure she saw everything, but I prefer to take my time, so I started to read snippets out loud to her from the signs explaining what was what and fascinating facts about them. She soon started listened attentively, asking questions and spending longer examining the exhibits. Kids sometimes don’t know how to pay proper attention to what’s around them so it was good to see that she was genuinely interested. Finally we went to the area where the sharks were fed and watched the rather gruesome but thrilling sight as an ending to our outing.
It was interesting how our conversation developed as we wandered about. Somehow our comments would lead on to talking about other things. For example, I found myself telling Mary about some of my childhood experiences and the animals and birds in the UK at the beach and around streams and rivers. In turn she told me about her younger childhood growing up in a rural area of South Africa where the local children all played in the river. It felt good exchanging information about our lives as children at opposite ends of the world and we probably wouldn’t have talked about such things if it hadn’t been for the aquarium. I soon realized that outings can be as good as car journeys for getting teenagers to open up a bit!
That evening we ate our Chinese takeaway (which was a great success) and watched a thriller on TV together. Afterwards we had a long talk about our favourite films which led on to our favourite books. Enjoying books is something Mary and I have in common, so the conversation became quite animated on this subject. By the end of the evening I had lent her The Diary of Ann Frank, One Child by Torey Hayden and Nineteen Minutes by Jodie Picoult. They are all about young people in difficult circumstances, a subject I’ve always gravitated towards, especially since I started mentoring, and luckily Mary likes the same kind of stories. She went to bed soon after that to start reading Ann Frank’s diary.
The next morning after breakfast I took her back to the home. On the way she borrowed my cell phone to call her older sister. “I’ve been at my Big Sister’s,” she told her, “She’s been spoiling me for my birthday!” We grinned at each other. I hope this will be a birthday Mary will remember when she’s older. I certainly won’t forget it.
