A Traffic Ticket

Christine Pope

Many times when I describe what I do for a living to friends, family or new people I meet, I get responses such as “I don’t know how you do what you do. I could never do it”. I’ve noticed,
over the years of my evolution as a Child and Youth Care worker different things keep me inspired and motivated to get up and go to work every day.

What I’ve learned about myself is that I love working with young people and their families. As many times as I’ve been frustrated with the systems I am required to work in, or have had a particularly draining day, I have had moments that have left me feeling that change is occurring.

At first it was big moments such as a child being returned to their family’s care, or when I managed some challenging behavior or dealt with a crisis of some sort. Then I felt good ending a shift having made time to play a game with a youth, or when they shared something with me about their day, or a personal thought or feeling about something that was going on in their life.

Now the work I do involves supporting others who are directly involved with children. Initially when I left my job as a residential worker, I found it difficult not having that day-to-day contact with youth. What I’ve noticed is what really charges me up now is being witness when others have those moments with the youth that they are caring for, whether it is a foster parent, a student in placement or a frontline worker; or when a young person in care has one of those moments.

I also love to hear and read stories of these moments outside of my daily experiences. When a new issue of the Relational Child and Youth Care Journal arrives at my door, or I have a few moments to peruse the CYC-Online journal, I never fail to filter through the table of contents to find the “stories” that others are sharing of their interactions with youth, or moments they've witnessed, to read first. What keeps me motivated and inspired is the work that is happening across the globe.

So in the spirit of reciprocity in relationship, (and also because I enjoy sharing stories as much as I enjoy hearing them) I will share a story from my experience that moved me recently.

* * *

I was sitting at the kitchen table of a foster family who was currently fostering a thirteen-year-old youth named David who had been placed in their home a little more than a year before. He had come to their home with a long history of parental neglect, loss and transience. His brothers and extended family members lived a fair distance away, spread out in other small towns. He started drinking and using drugs by the age of nine, and was involved in criminal activity in the small town he is from.

My role at this table was to talk with David about a family group conference that was being convened on his behalf which I had been contracted to facilitate. Present at the table with David and myself was his foster mother. As I was explaining the conference process to him, and asking him about who he would like to invite to attend, he was quiet, somewhat reserved and gave the impression of being disinterested. His foster mother looked across the table at me and mouthed that indeed he was listening to what I was saying, “he was always this way with new people”.

About ten minutes into our meeting, his foster father came through the back door apologizing for being late and promptly sat down with us. I gave him a quick summary of what we had discussed so far. David then sat up, his facial expression became more animated and he said to his foster father with a smile, “The police gave me a ticket this morning”.

Now the first thought I had, taking note of his smiling face, was “Why is that so funny?" I’m sure the foster father had a similar expression because the foster mother, sensing our confusion, replied “Wait, you should hear this. It’s a good story”.

"I was riding my bike down the street, and next thing I know a police car came up behind me and the constable put the lights and siren on”, David stated. “I thought – now what? What’s his problem, I’m not doing anything wrong”, he continued.

David went on to say that the constable got out of his car and proceeded to interrogate him with numerous questions about where he was going, where he lived, who his parents were, was he obeying the rules of the road, etc. As he answered the questions, David said, the constable pulled out a book and told him, “I’m giving you a ticket”.

“What?!! What for?” David asked.

The constable replied, “I’m writing you a ticket for $5 for wearing your bike helmet and following the rules of the road. You can cash it in at any store around town”.

Well needless to say, both the foster father and I burst out laughing.

At this point, all my frameworks came into my mind about noticing exceptions, audiencing, relationship building, and ecological systems theory, and I was thinking that whoever came up with this idea was brilliant. This story alone would have made my day. Then here comes the moment:

I looked over at the foster father and noticed that he had tears in his eyes. He looked across at David and said “Do you remember when you first came here a year ago? If that police officer had stopped you a year ago, you might have talked back to him when he first stopped you, or you may have sworn at him, or taken off when he tried to pull you over.”

A pause as David continued to look at his foster father, unsure of where this was going.

"I am so proud of you David. That is an amazing story! I’m so glad that I came home from work at lunch so I could be here to hear it. Congratulations on getting a ticket and also for handling yourself so well”, his foster father continued as David beamed from ear to ear.

Well now I’m not sure who I am more inspired by: David, the constable, or the foster father for having the presence of mind to use the moment as he did to honor David. All I know is that I smiled for quite a while on the way home from that meeting.

I asked David to think about sharing his story with his family as a way to begin or open his conference. When the time came, and there were many more of us sitting around the table, he did.