Listen to thisShirley G. Moore
As a child leaves infancy and approaches toddlerhood, one of the tasks
parents face is introducing the child to the peer group. To be sure,
parents are interested in their child's earliest interactions with
peers, but in time, parents become more seriously invested in their
children's ability to get along with playmates. Getting along has
different meanings for different parents, but in general, parents want
their child to enjoy the company of other children, be liked by them, be
well-behaved in their presence (for example, share and cooperate with
them), and resist the influence of companions who are overly boisterous,
aggressive or defiant of adult authority.
How do parents help their child become a socially competent, well-liked
playmate who is not too easily influenced by ill-behaved peers? What do
we know from research literature in this area? Inasmuch as peer
relations is only one of many social relationships that a child must
master, it is not surprising that research on parenting styles gives
some helpful insights into development of social skills in the peer
group. A number of investigators, such as Diana Baumrind, Martin
Hoffman, and Martha Putallaz, have made significant contributions to
this topic.
The research of Diana Baumrind is particularly noteworthy. Baumrind has
published a series of studies on the relation between parental child
rearing styles and social competence in children of preschool and school
age. Data on nursery school children were obtained from observations in
a school setting and in laboratory test situations when the children
were approximately four to five years of age. Data on the children's
parents were obtained through home observations and interviews of both
mothers and fathers. Three contrasting parenting styles were identified
by Baumrind: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative, each of which
has implications for the child's social competence with peers and
adults. The three parenting styles differ particularly on two parenting
dimensions: the amount of nurturance in child-rearing interactions and
the amount of parental control over the child's activities and behavior.
Authoritarian parents tend to be low in nurturance and high in parental
control compared with other parents. They set absolute standards of
behavior for their children that are not to be questioned or negotiated.
They favor forceful discipline and demand prompt obedience.
Authoritarian parents also are less likely than others to use more
gentle methods of persuasion, such as affection, praise and rewards,
with their children. Consequently, authoritarian parents are prone to
model the more aggressive modes of conflict resolution and are lax in
modeling affectionate, nurturant behaviors in their interactions with
their children.
In sharp contrast, permissive parents tend to be moderate to high in
nurturance, but low in parental control. These parents place relatively
few demands on their children and are likely to be inconsistent
disciplinarians. They are accepting of the child's impulses, desires,
and actions and are less likely than other parents to monitor their
children's behavior. Although their children tend to be friendly,
sociable youngsters, compared with others their age they lack a
knowledge of appropriate behaviors for ordinary social situations and
take too little responsibility for their own misbehavior.
Authoritative parents, in contrast to both authoritarian and permissive
parents, tend to be high in nurturance and moderate in parental control
when it comes to dealing with child behavior. It is this combination of
parenting strategies that Baumrind and others find the most facilitative
in the development of social competence during early childhood and
beyond. The following discussion describes specific behaviors used by
authoritative parents and the role these behaviors play in fostering
social development.
The Case for High Nurturance
Nurturing behaviors of parents that predict social competence include
affectionate and friendly interaction with the child; consideration for
the child's feelings, desires and needs; interest in the child's daily
activities; respect for the child's points of view; expression of
parental pride in the child's accomplishments; and support and
encouragement during times of stress in the child's life.
The advantages of high levels of nurturance in fostering social
development have been confirmed again and again in studies of children.
These advantages begin in infancy, when maternal nurturance facilitates
a secure attachment which, in turn, predicts social competence, and
continue throughout childhood. High levels of nurturance in child
rearing virtually assure more positive adult-child interactions than
negative ones in the day-to-day operations of family life. This, in
turn, predisposes the child to return love to the parent and to enjoy
spending time with the parent, thus increasing the possibilities of
significant parental influence throughout childhood. Parental nurturance
also motivates the child to please the parent by striving to live up to
parental expectations and helps to keep the child from hurting or
disappointing the loved parent. Because children more readily identify
with nurturant than nonnurturant models, the children of nurturing
parents are more likely to incorporate parental values, such as
considerateness and fairness in interpersonal relations, into their own
lifestyle. One would also expect these children to resist peer group
values that are clearly different from family values.
If there is a downside to high levels of nurturance in child rearing, it
is the risk that nurturant parents might be more lax than other parents
in challenging their children to measure up to developmentally
appropriate standards for behavior. This risk would appear to be
reduced, however, by the authoritative parents' inclination to combine
moderate levels of parental control with nurturance.
The Case for Moderate Control
Nurturant parents who maintain at least a moderate level of control over
their child do not give up their right to set behavioral standards for
the child and to convey the importance of compliance with those
standards. To facilitate compliance, and as a courtesy to the child,
authoritative parents offer reasons and explanations for the demands
placed on their children. Evidence suggests that such a practice
increases the child's understanding of rules and regulations, eventually
making it possible for the child to monitor his or her behavior in the
absence of the parent.
Parents who use authoritative child rearing practices often use positive
reinforcers, such as praise, approval, and rewards, to increase the
child's compliance with behavioral standards. The success of positive
social reinforcement in producing desirable behavior is legendary. A
parent's positive response to good behavior may be the most powerful
tool the parent has for increasing child compliance and decreasing the
need for disciplinary action.
When misbehavior does occur and discipline is deemed necessary,
authoritative parents show a preference for “rational-inductive
discipline," in which both sides of an issue are stated and a just
solution is sought. These parents also prefer “consequence-oriented
discipline" in which children are expected to make up for their
wrongdoing. Martin Hoffman points out that this disciplinary strategy
has the advantage of focusing the child's attention on the plight of the
victim rather than on the child's plight at the hands of an angry
parent.
Finally, authoritative parents try to avoid the more extreme forms of
punishment in rearing their children. They do not favor harsh physical
punishment or put-downs, such as ridicule or negative social comparison,
which attack the child's sense of personal worth. Although the harsher
forms of punishment can be effective in the short run, they often
generate resentment and hostility that carry over to the school and peer
group, reducing the child's effectiveness in these settings.
Summary
In parenting, as in other endeavors, nothing works all of the time. It
is safe to say, however, that authoritative parenting works better than
most other parenting styles in facilitating the development of social
competence in children at home and in the peer group. High levels of
nurturance combined with moderate levels of control help adults be
responsible child rearing agents for their children and help children
become mature, competent members of society. With a little bit of luck,
the children of authoritative parents should enjoy more than their share
of success in the peer group.
References
Baumrind, D. “Current Patterns of Parental Authority." Developmental Psychology Monographs 4 (1971): 1-103.
Hoffman, M.L. “Moral Internationalization, Parental Power, and the Nature of Parent-Child Interaction." Developmental Psychology 11 (1975): 228-239.
Putallaz, M. “Maternal Behavior and Children's Sociometric Status." Child Development 58 (1987): 324-340.
General References on Peer Relations:
Asher, S.R., and Coie, J.D. Eds. Peer Rejection in Childhood. New York: Cambridge University Press, 1990.
Ramsey, P.G. Making Friends in School: Promoting Peer Relationships in Early Childhood. New York: Teacher's College Press, 1991.
This is an ERIC Digest and is in the public doman. Adapted
from an article that originally appeared in the Fall 1991 (Vol. 19, No.
1) issue of the Early Report of the University of Minnesota's Center for
Early Education and Development.
