Helping children and youth build self-esteem

Vuyi Mbele

Ways to build self-esteem

Stop criticizing yourself
If we tell ourselves we are okay no matter what is going on, we can make changes in our lives easily. Our ability to adapt and flow with the process of life is our power. Those who come from problem homes often become super-responsible and get into the habit of judging themselves unmercifully. They have grown up amidst tension and anxiety, so they feel “there must be something wrong with me.” Words often used when scolding yourself are, bad, useless, ugly, worthless, stupid, dirty, etc. When we feel we are not good enough, we tend to find ways which will confirm this and thus keep ourselves miserable.

Believe that you are special and learn to be who you are
Many of us terrorize ourselves with negative thoughts and make situations worse than they are. We take small problems and make them big monsters.

Be positive about yourself
Whenever you feel frightened, unhappy or rejected, say something good about yourself and believe in it. It takes practice to push away your negative thoughts.

Be gentle and patient with yourself
We all make mistakes in life. Our mistakes should be our stepping stones. Criticism breaks down the inner spirit and praise builds it up. Keep on telling yourself that you are okay and that every day is a new day. We also need to build our patience and stop expecting immediate gratification.

The need to be over-dependent on others must be broken
Believe in yourself .You know yourself better than any other person, especially your strengths and weaknesses.

Becoming more confident
There is always hope that your life can change, because you have the potential to learn new things. The possibility for learning lasts from birth till death, and at any point in a person's life he can begin to feel better about himself. Knowing that change is possible, and wanting to change, are two important steps.

Be prepared to practise. Become less dependent on the opinions of others. Take a look at yourself, and determine what you think and not what others think.

Positive thinking can change your reality; confident people perform better.

Learn to accept failure. That frees you from the fear of taking risks. Don’t punish yourself for making a mistake, if you are willing to learn and grow from that mistake, then it serves as a step forward in your life. A mistake or failure is a stepping stone.

How we can help
Offer unconditional love and support. Children and youth need to sense that they are being loved all the time, not only when they have been good. When young people feel rejected by their peers, our support and encouragement can counterbalance their feeling that no one cares.

Give praise daily. Try to find one good thing to affirm.

Never compare the child with another. If a child senses that you are disappointed with his/her performance, self-esteem is lowered.

Help children and youth feel that they are valuable and important because of who they are and not what they do. Encourage them to develop skills or hobbies that they enjoys this gives them a feeling of accomplishment.

Banish putdowns. Make a group pledge not to criticise each other. Putdowns must be balanced with positive affirmation. When a child says he cant do anything right, allow him to name at least two things he can do well or you or another group member can volunteer to help.

Give a child enough space to make bad choices and to learn from them, without saying “I told you so.” Over-protectiveness may backfire horribly.

Encourage children and youth to develop decision making skills, and a sense of self-identity so that they will be free to explore and to fully experience the world around him.

This feature: Mbele, Vuyi. (1997). Helping children and youth build self-esteem. Child and Youth Care. Vol.15 No.11 p.13