Listen to thisHow often is it that our experiences, our biases, our assumptions, our beliefs, influence our capacity to truly hear what others are trying to tell us? How often is it that the message others try to send becomes distorted as it is filtered through our lens of perception?
September 15th, 1998. A late summer day in Southern Alberta. The kind of day that softly wraps itself around you, that is as welcome as an old friend, as gentle as a mother’s kiss.
Two days earlier, I had become a father for the first time.
"I’m a Dad!” echoed through my being and consumed my sensibilities as I took my Golden Retriever to a nearby field for some exercise. Walking on air, marveling at the perfection of my infant son, immersed in anticipation of what he would become.
“Congratulations!” A call summoned me from my reverie. I looked up to see an elderly gentleman approaching from some distance away.
“Thanks,” I responded in return.
I’m a Dad. I’m a Dad. I’m a “Stop! Wait a minute. I don’t have the faintest idea who this gentleman is. Is my joy that obvious? Can he tell just from looking at me that something great, something truly magnificent has happened?
"Not many people do that any more.”
Okay. There’s a little bit of dissonance starting to creep its way into my consciousness. The birth rate may be declining but people still do “it” all the time.
"It makes a real mess in the Spring.”
Whoa! Mister, let me tell ya, I was there for the labor, the delivery and the cutting of the cord. I don’t think it makes one iota of difference whether its spring, summer, winter or fall, it’s gonna be messy regardless.
Hmm –
Slowly, ever so slowly, I had my “a-ha” moment. This friendly gentleman who I had presumed in my egocentricity to be congratulating me on the birth of my child had no idea that I had just become a father. Rather, he had observed me doing my duty as a responsible pet owner, cleaning up after my dog and depositing a plastic bag replete with doggie excrement into the nearest trash receptacle. Upon witnessing this event, he made a point to offer his congratulations given that, at least based on his own experiences, not many people were picking up after their pets any more which in turn made for an unsightly mess in the spring.
So what does all of this have to do with Child and Youth Care?
It served to remind me of the value in giving congratulations to others for a job well done. To my co-workers, the maintenance department, the secretaries, volunteers, bus drivers, teachers. It takes a synchronized and concerted effort on the part of so many to run a successful program. It takes but a minute to say a few words that can mean so much. “Thank-you”. “I appreciate what you do”. “I feel fortunate to have you as a colleague”.
It also reminded me of the value in picking up after my friends. Who hasn’t worked with a colleague who was having an off day? Who needed support. Who required a brief respite, who needed someone to ask if everything was okay, who needed to be gently redirected back to the task at hand.
It also caused me to reflect on my own assumptions and beliefs, the occasional (I hope) narrowness of my field of vision. How even with the best of intentions I at times presume to know what children are trying to tell me without really listening to what they are saying, without really watching what they are doing. It caused me to realize how my experiences shape and define my perceptions of what is going on around me.
It served to remind me that sometimes it is better to stop and give paws than to go barking up the wrong tree
And to never underestimate the importance of having a plastic bag or two to throw away the crap.
