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30 JULY 2001
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children in care

My childhood

My name is Kathleen and I am 16 years old. I had quite a few brothers and sisters but I can’t remember their names. They were all put into care. I don’t know where any of them are – or my real parents. I am going to find them when I am old enough.

I was put in care at just a few months old because my real parents physically battered me and my other brothers and sisters. After a few months I went back home but my real mum put me in care again because she couldn’t cope. When I was about 13 months old I went to foster parents who then adopted me when I was 7. They adopted a baby soon after: he’s 9 this year.

A year before they adopted me, I started to run away because my adoptive mum used to abuse me physically. I was very unhappy at home. At 9 I was in hospital because my adoptive mum battered me that much, I was covered with bruises. While I was in hospital I was put on the At Risk Register but I went back home. My brother used to get physically abused as well: I wanted to tell someone but I was scared.

Then I was put in care aged 10 by my adoptive mum but I kept running away. I went into a place called the Admission Unit and was in it for a year. Then my adoptive mum signed me out of care, because I was only in “voluntary care”. The physical abuse still carried on and I just kept running away. I felt I couldn’t talk to anyone about what was happening at home.

Running and running
I never used to return to the Assessment Centre after school each day: I just ran away. Then I took an overdose, because I was very depressed and couldn’t talk to anyone. I just wanted to give up living. I was in hospital overnight and then it was back to the Assessment Centre.

I left just before Christmas and went to a children's home, still attending the same day-school. I was very unhappy at the children's home and kept running away. Then I was moved out of Liverpool to another Assessment Centre. It took me a long time to settle there because it was out of Liverpool. But when I got used to it, I loved it. We used to go out to the shops or swimming. You had your own bedroom: it was very strict there though.

I was there about four months before going to a Community School, where you live in. It’s for girls who have emotional, family and school problems and keep running away. I had all those problems.

I still had quite a bit of contact with my adoptive parents. I visited them once and phoned them up quite a few times, but things never worked out, I became very distressed and started to cut myself up because I was getting disturbed about the things that had happened to me at home.

A key to unlock the door
I still couldn’t talk to anyone. I ran away twice; the second time, I took an overdose. I was taken to the Royal Liverpool Hospital. I stayed there overnight on the observation ward. The staff came to take me to a Secure Unit (where you’re locked in). I was shocked. I went to court next day and got a month’s Secure Order. It didn’t take me long to settle in because I knew most of the staff in the Unit. After a month I got another three month’s Secure Order.

I started to trust staff and I talked to them about my problems, but at the end of the three months, I still wasn’t ready to go back up to the main school; I was cutting my arms and becoming distressed. I was still at risk of running away because there were a lot of things in my head that I just couldn’t talk about.

So when I went back to court, I got another three month’s Order. I was in the unit for Christmas: it was a nice Christmas. I missed my adoptive parents. I hadn’t seen them for a long time because they didn’t want anything to do with me.

I am still in the Secure Unit but I am going back to the main school soon when my Secure Order runs out. I am ready to leave now and I am going to make a go of it. I am 17 this year and I want to have a flat, get a good job and settle down to a normal life I am finding it very hard to accept that I cannot go home, but I will just have to put it behind me and start again.

From Who Cares? the UK journal for young people in care

The International Child and Youth Care Network
THE INTERNATIONAL CHILD AND YOUTH CARE NETWORK (CYC-Net)

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