Listen to thisIn our practice today, we may fail to help children to manage in their own worlds if we have provided resources and material goods which don’t exist for them back home. Rather, we try to offer “portable" gains, “take-home" skills, and ideas which will work in their world. We give them the ability to establish and enjoy positive relationships to make up for the hurt and mistrust of the past “so that they can leave us with trust and self-confidence. But engaging also means connecting kids to the universal things they will find in life and which are available to all of us – fun, games, sports, sea, mountains, walks ... and ideas and knowledge.
Individual me
One of the things which make us secure and self-contained individuals is
the fact that we have certain interests and abilities which we can learn
about and devote our time and energy to. Isn’t it true that many of your
friends are characterised by such pursuits – they are good at fishing or
gardening or movies or at playing the guitar. These interests and
pastimes are there for everyone – no limits or exclusions. I am known
for the music I love, my son for his golf, a friend for his ability to
fix motor cars and another for his jokes! Certainly one of the gifts we
can give to the children we work with – something they can take away
with them when they leave – is some experience and knowledge of the “free stuff" in the world.
Our pessimism?
Is it possibly a sign of our own tendency to expect the worst that we
offer all those cliche skills to troubled children – conflict
resolution, problem solving, anger management, self-defence ...? I
wonder how necessary those things would be if we first offered them
experience in playing, vegetable growing, soccer, playing bongo drums or
fixing bikes. At the top of this page (have a look) an inspired child
care worker has taken a couple of kids and let them loose amongst the
rock pools on the beach. One of these kids may develop a lifetime
interest in fishing, the other may be longing to get home for tea!
Another may have delivered two children by truck to the open spaces of
the countryside: one may become a committed amateur botanist or
entomologist (what’s that?!) and the other may simply come to love the
feel of the wind blowing in her hair. And all of this is free. There is
no entrance charge, no age restriction. All we have to do is take the
trouble to expose kids to these things which can entertain and absorb
them today – and for the rest of their lives. In many cases these
pastimes can be the things which help them through troubled marriages
and job crises, through free weekends and empty afternoons.
Your plan
As a Child and Youth Care worker you must share the responsibility for
this with the children themselves. If you talk with them you will
discover things which you never suspected “that this one can sew
beautifully and this one loves fishing; that this one knows all there is
to know about pop music, and this one can cook up a mean toffee! When
you find out the things they like (or, with deprived children it may be
the things they think they may like and would like to try) your task is
to offer opportunities. That’s all. “Seeing you like fishing, let’s go
down to the river on Sunday," or “I’m off to the library this afternoon – who’s coming?" In a larger children's organisation it is a good idea
to collect information about “who likes what" more systematically, and
then the staff team can share out the activities they would like to
offer. In most cases you will find that certain staff members also like
cricket or climbing or sleeping in the sun, and this brings them closer
to the children who share these interests.
Many troubled youths haven’t had the opportunity to connect with the ordinary things in their world. Either their lives have been very deprived (I once met a ten-year-old child who lived half a mile from the beach and who had never seen the sea!) or their families have been preoccupied by poverty or conflict or unhappiness and they have been locked into the family problems. For these kids we must create opportunities to develop interests and connections. We take the trouble to say “Who would like a walk over the hill before tea?" or “I’m going to see the start of the race on Saturday – who would like to come along?"
You never know. You may start something which will last some youngster a lifetime. You may connect them to some interest through which they will grow wings and fly to heights beyond all of your hopes and dreams. Just ask!
