Significant moments

Yesterday was the birthday of one of my very best friends. And not just any old birthday, but one of those significant, life-reflective birthdays that are milestones in our lives “you know the ones “20, 30, 40, etc. Birthdays that mark transitions, or cause us to think about what we are doing, or have done, or even might still do. Anyway, yesterday was one of those birthdays for one of my very best friends. And I missed it.

I had been thinking about it for some time “since his last birthday actually “and was meaning to do something significant to mark the day. But I forgot. And why? Because for the past six months or so I have been caught up in my own business. And in the past few weeks I have been concentrating on getting my own life back in order. All good excuses but the fact is, I missed his birthday.

And that’s the way it so often goes, isn’t it. We get caught up in our own business, and we forget to remember other important things. Moments, events, days of significance for those for whom we care, or to whom we are responsible. And once we have missed the moment, we can’t get it back again.

Imagine all those kids and families we work with who don’t have many people in their lives to help them mark significant moments. Now imagine that you have assured them that you do care about them and their lives. And now think of how often we fail to acknowledge those moments because we are “caught up” in our own business. Thinking about something else, focused on someone else, attending to ourselves. And now imagine them noticing that we missed the moment.

I remember a young boy who had worked hard to control his impulsiveness and one day he arrived at a plateau where he had made significant progress. He was doing well. About a week later he reverted back to his old behaviour. “Why”, I asked him. “Well,” he said, “nobody noticed, so what was the point?” Significant moments missed.

Henry Maier is always reminding us of the importance of ritual, of acknowledgement, of celebration. And significant events (birthdays, graduations, little successes) are perfect opportunities to say, through action and deed, “You are important”. And while we often have lots of good reasons for why we missed the moment, the fact is that when we miss it, we miss it. And the person knows it.

I know we always have the opportunity to go back later and say we’re sorry. That we did think of them, or we did notice, but we were just caught up in other stuff. But the truth is, saying “I’m sorry” is just not the same as acknowledging the moment when it is there.

So, make a list (like I should have done) and make sure you don’t lose it. And even when you are busy with your own stuff, take a moment to acknowledge the significant moments in the lives of others. The youth, the families, even your friends and family, will appreciate it.

And let me just close by saying “Sorry, Buddy. There really are no excuses. I just blew it.. But Happy Birthday anyway.”

Thom