Listen to thisTo understand what skills, knowledge and values a cottage parent requires to be effective, Victoria's Skills Enhancement Project talked with clients in a family group home.
The children interviewed are siblings aged sixteen,
thirteen and ten and have been in family group homes for eight years.
Standard questions provided a general structure and the children were
encouraged to talk about the things they saw as important. Direct quotes
have been used.
How many cottage parents have you had?
About eight – it's hard to remember exactly. Most of them have been
temporary.
What have you liked about your cottage
parents?
Being treated with respect:
We aren't just 'cottage kids' you know – we're good kids like
everyone else. It isn't our fault we are here.
Being able to talk to them:
How else are you supposed to get along with them? Some cottage
parents have been easier to talk to.
I needed someone to talk to – Cindy has been great.
The ones who listen to us have been good.
Knowing what the rules are:
You have to be told what is expected, so you know.
The rules should be fair. We shouldn't have
different rules from our mates, just because we live in a cottage.
Cottage parents having an extended family:
It's really good knowing our cottage parents' family – we even visit
them at Christmas!
Privacy:
I don't want them to talk about me to anyone else except my worker,
that's OK.
Having independence:
Some cottage parents gave us independence to make a lot of our own
decisions. I'm sixteen and I like being able to cook my own meals.
What would you like to change?
Staying longer:
It's very hard to keep getting (emotionally) close to them when they
leave all the time. I'll bet they wonder what's wrong with us because we
don't make an effort any more.
Passing on information:
Cottage parents need to pass on information to the Department to get
things done for us.
Better clothes:
You can always tell who are cottage kids because they have cheap
clothes. Sometimes we have felt like beggars.
Not being trusted by new cottage parents:
It gives me the shits, the way they don't trust us when they first move
in.
Just because we are cottage kids doesn't mean we're bad.
Not having to do most of the housework:
Why should us kids have to do so much housework – that's what they
employ them for.
Not putting their own kids first:
It isn't fair. They shouldn't compare us with their own kids.
How would you change things?
More talking would help:
Talking about problems, not just disciplining us. Talking to us about
good things too.
Not threatening us:
Every time I was bad, one cottage parent threatened to send me to
Baltara. Sometimes, I didn't want to come back from school but my sister
made me.
More enthusiastic cottage parents:
They should pick ones who can get on with kids and will make us part of
their family.
Clarify work expectations:
Because I'm a girl and the eldest a lot of cottage mums expected me to
do most of the housework. I don't mind doing some. My brother is
thirteen and he can't cook anything.
Involve kids in selecting cottage parents:
We'd like to meet them before they come to live here to say if we like
them! It's our house you know, not theirs – the Government bought it for
us.
What makes an ideal cottage parent?
One who makes us feel happy and cares about us. One we can talk to who
doesn't assume things about us, just because we don't have our own
parents any more. One who works through problems and doesn't get mad or
yell at us. One who isn't rigid and uptight. Someone we can trust who
will be here for a long time. One who will help us and likes to do
things with us.
With acknowledgement to the journal Children Australia, a dialogue with young people in care as part of Victoria Community Services' Skills Enhancement Project
