Journey

Mark Krueger

This month we present a second story by Amy Evans that will be familiar to many Child and Youth Care workers who have made a similar journey. In our research group, Amy, perhaps more than any of us, seems to be keenly aware of how she is feeling in her interactions with youth, and subsequently she often opens us to understanding our feelings in similar situations.

I’m on my way to a home visit to see two children, and their mother if they are all at home as planned, otherwise I will meet with whoever is there when I arrive. I am feeling both nervous and confident as this family is volatile and a couple days ago the mom contacted my supervisor frustrated, angry that her kids are worse since being in counseling and she can’t take their disrespectful attitudes anymore and may pull them out of therapy.

I am driving down the freeway on the way to their house. I notice some other cars and trucks passing me by. I am going the speed limit. The sun is out but not glaring bright, rather soft light. Traffic is steady and peaceful although I am not noticing too much of what is around me as I am absorbing the peace and wishing it could last longer before having to exit the freeway. As I am driving I am preparing myself that she may yell very loud at the children or at me during the session. I am centering myself to stay focused, remind myself this is not about me, and staying open to whatever may seem the best in facilitating this family’s relationships with each other and other issues. I am taking deep breaths and trying to calm myself or keep myself as calm as possible as I am unable to completely calm myself. I am also reminding myself that I have a very good connection with each of the children and a fairly good connection with the mom so no matter what happens today in the session it seems like it will work itself out in the end or the worst case scenario would be the therapy relationship will end and that will mean that the journey this family has gone individually and as a family was all that was supposed to happen at this time. Life goes on and the next client will be assigned to me.

As I pull into their parking lot I don’t look up to the third floor window as I am avoiding any possible angry face from mom. I walk into the apartment complex and say a prayer in my mind to ask for the strength to do with this family whatever I am supposed to do today including accepting if nothing can be done today and thinking at the same time that that would still be something.

I walk up to the third floor, turn right down the hall, and knock at the door.