John's story

I have been in care on and off since I was 9, going home for a while and then back into care. At first I lived in a big children's home. There were also kids on remand living there and this made people think I was a trouble maker. I made friends with these kids and they encouraged me to break the law.

In school, I was treated differently and was often blamed for trouble which was not always caused by me. It was easy for the teachers to send me home as I was in a children's home and the staff were always in. I was sent home lots of times. I suppose they thought that no one from the home cared.

I was very embarrassed about telling people where I lived. I knew they would think it was my fault, but it wasn’t. I was being hurt at home by my stepdad.

I did not trust any of the staff there. Whatever I said to one of them would be written down and discussed with the rest. I thought the bedtime of 9.30pm was too early for a 13 year old. Even when I was in bed, I had no privacy as there were night staff on duty who would keep coming in and checking on you when you were asleep.

The good things I remember were that it got me away from the physical attacks from my stepdad and I went on holidays that I would never have had at home. Also, there were lots of computers and a pool table.

There was another big children's home, but this closed down. Three smaller homes called “satellite units” opened, with small staff teams. The last home had not yet been opened. Me and three other lads were told that we would be living there.

We were involved in picking all the things which were needed. We each picked our own wallpaper, curtains and carpet for our room. We were the first kids ever to have lived here. I think this is why I feel it’s mine.

The good thing about where I live now is that, unless we tell people, no one knows it’s a children's home. It’s just an ordinary terraced house on a main road with an ordinary address, rather than having a sign saying “children's home”.

At first, the councillors wrote to the papers about us lads being “trouble makers” and being “brought into the community”. Luckily, when we opened and got to know the neighbours, they were sound with us and still are. I still don’t think the councillors are too happy.

There are only six staff working here and I get on alright with them all. I get involved with the shopping, cooking, cleaning up, etc. There are no locked doors here, except the staff sleeping-in room as all our private things are there. There are locks on our bedrooms and we have all got our own key.

The staff here knew I was not happy at the school I was going to. It was for kids with behavioural difficulties. I got sent home lots of times. One staff member spoke to the headmaster and said she was not happy with them keeping sending me home. She thought I was being treated different because I was in care. She went to the school and said I should be given another chance in mainstream school.

I got back into mainstream on a trial basis and I was there for 5 months. However, the school said I was too much of a risk to take on permanently because I’d been caught smoking and had truanted a couple of times. I’m now back at my old school.

Because there are only a few staff here, they can tell when you are fed up. They talk to you and try to help you if they can. The bad thing about living in care is that, no matter which home you’re in, there is always someone trying to bully you. Telling the staff does not always help. It can make it worse as they can’t always be with you to protect you.

I sometimes tell my mates not to tell their parents that I’m in care as they might be stopped from hanging around with me. It’s happened before. I’ve lost a lot of mates because their parents think I must be bad to be living here. I’m not bad though, and I wish people would understand that.

Who Cares? The UK magazine for young people in care