Listen to thisIn this instalment, I introduce you to Bobby, a 30-year-old hospital nurse whose life story is a testament to resilience, compassion, and the transformative power of care. Bobby grew up in a children’s home that catered specifically to the children of sex workers, a place that became her sanctuary and the foundation of her future. Her journey is one of triumph over adversity, and her story sheds light on the profound impact that a supportive environment can have on a young life.
Early Days at the Children's Home
Bobby joined her brothers at the children's home years after them and spent over 15 years there. She transformed from a shy, soft-spoken seven-year-old into a confident woman. Despite her initial timidity, her smile and gentle nature won everyone over quickly. Having her brothers already there made her transition smoother by providing familiar support in her new environment. Bobby recalled,
"When I first arrived at the home, everything seemed so big and overwhelming. But seeing my brothers' familiar faces gave me courage. They showed me around, introduced me to everyone, and helped me understand the routines. It felt like having protectors in this new world."
Despite her initial shyness, Bobby thrived in the home. She excelled academically and became an active participant in the home’s cultural teams, where she showcased her talents in dance, singing, and martial arts. Her dedication to her studies and extracurricular activities earned her the admiration of both her peers and the staff.
The children's home wasn't merely a place of residence for Bobby; it became the nurturing ground for her personal growth and development. The structured environment, with its emphasis on education, extracurricular activities, and life skills training, provided Bobby with the stability she needed to flourish. The daily routines, including study periods, physical activities, and community service, instilled in her a sense of discipline and responsibility. She shared,
"Our days were full but balanced. We woke up for morning prayers and exercises, had breakfast together, and then prepared for school. After returning, we'd have snacks or late lunch, do our homework, and participate in different activities. Some days, I had martial arts training; other days, I had dance or singing practice. It felt like a proper home with proper schedules, not just a place to sleep and eat."
A Personal Connection
My connection with Bobby has ebbed and flowed since I left the organisation, but a friend from the UK, a dedicated volunteer for the children’s home, had become a cornerstone in her life. This friend mentored Bobby through her education and personal challenges. Our conversations over the past year form the backbone of this instalment, reviving memories of her journey and its significance.
Pursuing Higher Education: Overcoming Barriers
After completing her secondary education, Bobby was admitted to a nursing college with the support of the children’s home. Recognising the daily commuting challenges, the home arranged for her to stay in the college hostel, allowing her to focus on her studies without distraction. This decision proved to be a turning point, enhancing her independence while maintaining a connection to her support system. Bobby admitted,
"Moving to the nursing college hostel was both exciting and frightening. After so many yet was my first time living away from the children's home. But the home made sure I was well-prepared. I came home every weekend, and they visited regularly, checked on my studies, and ensured I had everything I needed. They even arranged for extra tutoring when I struggled with certain subjects."
A Quiet Leader
Bobby was one of the favourite girls during her time at the children’s home. She was known for her quiet, introverted nature, yet she was also deeply curious and eager to learn. She frequently approached me for a chat whenever I visited the home for monitoring or other purposes. She had a particular knack for connecting with peers older than herself, demonstrating maturity beyond her years.
One incident that stands out in my memory occurred during a monitoring visit many years ago. Bobby asked me, “Why didn’t you bring Musanna?” Musanna is my son. Intrigued, I asked her why she was looking for him. She explained that she wanted to teach him martial arts. Musanna had previously visited the home and bonded with Bobby over martial arts lessons. Her eagerness to mentor him reflected her nurturing spirit and desire to impart valuable skills to others. My son, who was slightly younger than Bobby, looked up to her and enjoyed their time together. Bobby reflected,
"Teaching martial arts to younger children gave me confidence. I felt strong and capable when I showed Musanna how to block a punch or escape from a hold."
A Dream Redirected: From Medicine to Nursing
Bobby was an average academic student, but she was ambitious and determined. From a young age, she dreamed of becoming a doctor. While that dream did not come to fruition, her aspiration to help others never wavered. She channelled that desire into her nursing career, where she continues to make a difference in the lives of her patients.
Learning Life Skills
One of the most striking aspects of Bobby’s character is her willingness to support others. I often observed her assisting her peers and the kitchen staff with meal preparation. At the children’s home, they commonly took turns helping the kitchen team with shopping and meal preparation. This practice was not just about lending a hand; it was a form of practical training that equipped the children with valuable life skills. Bobby took this responsibility seriously and developed a close relationship with the head cook, Halima Khala, from whom she learned to prepare delicious dishes. Bobby said with fondness,
“Halima Khala was like a mother to me. She taught me not only how to cook but also how to create meals with love. She would say, 'When you cook with love, people can taste it.' I still use her recipes at home, and my children love them as much as we did”.
Cooking was just one aspect of the hands-on training provided at the home. The children were encouraged to participate in various activities and skill-building exercises, ranging from vegetable gardening and poultry farming to beekeeping and fish farming. These activities were designed to prepare them for the job market and instil a sense of responsibility and independence. While traditional gender roles were often observed—with girls typically handling cooking and boys taking on tasks like shopping and farming—the home emphasised the importance of formal education above all else. Bobby recalled,
"I remember our vegetable garden with such pride. We grew tomatoes, aubergines, radishes, and various leafy greens. Watching something grow from a tiny seed into food that nourished us was magical. It taught us patience and care. The home made sure we understood where food comes from and how much work goes into producing it."
Family Challenges
After several years in the children’s home, Bobby’s younger sisters joined her. At one point, four siblings—three brothers and a sister—lived there together. However, this changed when two of Bobby’s brothers and six others were expelled after an incident with the principal, which I detailed in the February 2025 issue. Her eldest brother had been the oldest boy there, and her second brother was a talented student. Despite their potential, both were aggressive and lack of remorse, ultimately leading to their expulsion.
Bobby recalled feeling sad after her brothers’ expulsion since she could no longer see them daily. However, she quickly adapted, finding solace in the company of her friends and seniors at the home. Reflecting on the incident, she shared her perspective,
“Even though I was very young when the incident occurred with the principal, I believe what my brothers did was wrong. They shouldn’t have hit the principal; he was like a father figure to us. They were deprived of the resources they needed to grow up, and I believe they were being ‘cursed’ by the principal. I also think my brothers and the others who were expelled could have acted differently … Principal Sir might have had his issues, but there were proper channels to address grievances. They should never have resorted to violence.”
She continued,
“Sir, you know Allah doesn’t like ungrateful people. The people in this home did everything possible for our benefit, and in return, some of us went against them, hit them, scolded them, misbehaved, and backbit. That’s not fair. They didn’t deserve it. They were angels who saved us from a painful and horrible life.”
Today, Bobby’s eldest brother works as a bus conductor and lives in the capital city with his family, while her second brother lives in the same city as Bobby and works as a bus conductor. Despite their challenges, Bobby remains grateful for the opportunities the children’s home provided her and her siblings.
Navigating Love and Marriage
Before completing higher secondary school, Bobby fell in love with a local young man. They kept their relationship secret, but after moving to the nursing college hostel, Bobby gained the freedom to make her own decisions. She and her partner married unknowingly to the authorities. Their secret marriage was eventually discovered when Bobby missed important classes and was frequently seen with her husband students. Bobby confessed,
"It was a confusing time for me. I was in love, but I also knew the home wouldn't approve of my marriage at such a young age. They wanted me to finish my education first. Looking back, I understand their concern, but at that age, emotions often override reason."
The home authority was initially concerned about Bobby, fearing she might drop out of school. Her marriage also added financial strain on her, as she had to support her husband’s studies and provide him with pocket money. The maintenance allowance she received from the children’s home had to be shared with her husband, which made it challenging for her to make ends meet.
Bobby admitted that it was a stressful period in her life, and she often contemplated dropping out of her studies. During that time, one of my friends from the UK volunteered at the children’s home, providing significant encouragement, support, and mentorship to help her complete her degree. My friend was a retired British social worker and sculptor who worked with children in care in the UK. She and her husband visited this organisation for two to three months yearly. She taught English to the children at the children’s home and mentored them for their futures, while her husband volunteered at the parents' organisation in the hospital, as he was a retired GP. Bobby said emphatically,
"Your friend, Barbara, changed my life. She saw potential in me when I was ready to give up. She would talk with me for hours, helping me understand complex family relationships and just listening when I needed to vent. She convinced me that I could be both a wife and a nurse, that one role didn't have to eclipse the other."
A Home, Not Just a House: Gratitude and Reflection
When I asked Bobby about her experience growing up in the children’s home, she spoke with deep gratitude.
She said,
“The home was our home. The people who looked after us were our parents, and the people we lived with were our brothers and sisters. It was a big family. They did everything possible for our future, things that our biological mother couldn’t provide. We don’t even know who our biological father is ... Because of the home, I am who I am today. I have a secure and respectable life. They gave us the education and support we needed to build our families, and they’re still there to help us if we need it. What more could we ask for? They’ve done more for us than many biological parents ever could.”
Bobby reminisced,
"Our home was filled with laughter, learning, and love. We celebrated birthdays, holidays, and special achievements together. I remember how everyone gathered to cheer when one of us won a competition, a successful cultural event, or passed an exam. There was always someone to comfort you when you were sad or sick. The madams would sit by our beds when we had fevers, telling us stories to distract us from our discomfort. These were the moments that made it truly feel like home. The mistake I made was not listening to the teachers and following their advice. My life could have been much better if I had respected their guidance religiously. They had lived experiences that I didn’t have, and I should have trusted their wisdom. But at that age, we were all rebellious. It was our hormones and irrational egos talking.”
Professional Success and Satisfaction
Currently, Bobby works as a nurse at the hospital affiliated with the children’s home, a position she was offered after graduating from nursing college. She finds great fulfilment in her work and strives to embody the values she learned at the children’s home. She said,
“We were taught to help others, and I do my best to be kind, caring, compassionate, and honest with my patients. Seeing patients leave the hospital with smiles on their faces is a blessing. They often offer duas (prayers) for us, and that’s the most rewarding part of my job. Nursing is a wonderful profession for helping the helpless, and I’m grateful to be able to make a difference.”
Bobby explained,
"What I love most about my job is the connection with patients. Many come from backgrounds like mine—marginalised, vulnerable, often judged by society. I understand their fears and hesitations in ways many of my colleagues might not. When a young girl from the brothel area comes in, frightened and ashamed, I can speak to her in a way that makes her feel safe and respected. That's something no textbook can teach."
Grand Wedding Celebration
She said, though initially, the Home was very unhappy with her secret marriage, later, they accepted it. After graduation, the Home Authority organised a proper wedding party and gave her many gifts. Her husband was also offered a job as a driver at the head office. The Home has done everything for her, just as all parents do for their children.' Bobby recalled with tearful eyes,
"The wedding celebration they organised for us was beautiful. They decorated the main hall with flowers and fairy lights. All the children performed dances and songs. ED sir (CEO of the children’s parents’ organisation) spoke about watching me grow from a shy little girl into a woman ready to start her own family. They gave us everything to begin our life together: bedding, kitchenware, and a television. It felt like a proper family wedding, with the home as our parents blessing us."
Family Life Today
Now, Bobby has two sons, aged 7 and 4 and lives happily with her husband. Bobby said with pride,
"My children are my world. My older son is already showing interest in medicine. He loves looking at my nursing books and asks endless questions about how the body works. My younger one is more artistic—always drawing and creating things from whatever materials he can find. I see traits from the home in how I raise them—the emphasis on education, the balance of discipline and affection, the importance of helping others."
When I asked about her siblings and mother, she was reluctant to share much beyond what she had already said about her brothers. Her younger sister lives with her husband in the same city, and her mother stays outside the brothel, but she does not have regular contact with them.
She seemed to avoid discussing her siblings and mother. I directly asked if she had any contact with them. She replied, "I don't regularly connect with my brothers or mother; only my younger sister visits me from time to time." I then inquired why she had lost touch with them, considering how close they were at the children’s home. She explained that her husband prefers not to keep in touch with her brothers and mother.
This made me curious to ask the probe: Why doesn't your husband allow you to contact your siblings and mother? She didn't explain much, but I realised that her husband doesn't want his children to be associated with their uncle or grandmother's identity or with their past connection. Her husband was not part of the brothel community, and a relationship or marriage with a sex worker or their children is still not accepted by mainstream society. Bobby said after a long pause,
"It's complicated. My husband comes from what people would call a 'respectable' family. They don't know my background, and he prefers to keep it that way. He fears how his family might react if they knew. Sometimes I feel torn between my past and present, but I've made peace with the situation for the sake of my family's happiness and stability."
In addition, she mentioned that she is satisfied with her children and husband. Their income is adequate for a comfortable lifestyle. Furthermore, she is saving money for her children's future education. Bobby stated,
"We're not wealthy, but we have enough. Our flat is small but cosy, and we've decorated it with photographs and artwork the children have made. We can afford good schools for our sons and occasionally treat ourselves to a nice restaurant meal. Most importantly, we're saving for the children's university education."
Friendships and Networking
She said she doesn't have contact with children from the home or care leavers, except those who work at the hospital or the head office. This is due to her work and family commitments, which leave her with little time to maintain friendships with others. Bobby acknowledged,
"Sometimes I miss my friends from the home. We shared so much, and they understand parts of me that nobody else can. But life gets busy with work shifts, children's homework, and household responsibilities. I stay in touch with Reshma and Salma, who work with me at the hospital. We have lunch together sometimes and reminisce about our days at the home—the cultural programmes we performed in, the special meals on holidays, the teachers who influenced us."
Reflection: The Transformative Power of Care
Reflecting on Bobby's life stories, we can clearly see how the children’s home has transformed her life. When we compare her current situation with that of her brothers, who were expelled from the children’s home or those who never had the opportunity to be in it, we find that she is doing significantly better than they are.
The children's home not only helped her grow physically but also provided an education that has enabled her to give back to society through her work. Bobby's journey illustrates several key principles about effective interventions for vulnerable children.
Bobby's story also reveals the persistent stigma faced by children from marginalised backgrounds. Despite her professional success and personal growth, societal judgments about her family origins continue to shape her life choices and relationships. This underscores the need for broader social change alongside individual interventions.
For professionals working in child welfare, Bobby's experience offers valuable insights. The holistic approach of the children's home—addressing physical needs, education, life skills, and emotional support—created a foundation for her success. Furthermore, the continued support she received throughout her transition to adulthood, including during her nursing education and early marriage, demonstrates the importance of extending care beyond childhood.
Once, she had no idea if she could have a life. Now, she enjoys a comfortable existence thanks to the support of the children's home, and she is deeply grateful to the authorities there and to all the people who made her life beautiful.
Bobby reflected,
"If I could speak to my seven-year-old self on that first day at the home, I would tell her not to be afraid. I would say that this place will become more than a refuge—it will become the foundation for everything good in your future. The skills you learn here, the values they teach you, the confidence you develop—these will carry you through life's challenges. And one day, you'll look back and realise that what seemed like an ending was actually the beginning of something beautiful."
Bobby's experience challenges the notion that institutional care is inherently harmful. Her life demonstrates that, with the right support, children from difficult backgrounds can build successful, fulfilling futures. Her story is a testament to the power of care, resilience, and a nurturing environment in transforming lives.
