Listen to this“Let’s condition ourselves to see what young people can do instead of putting limits on them and assuming that they cannot.”
Never assume is a personal slogan I use regularly, either silently in my head, under my breath or at full volume depending on the situation. Sometimes, when I’ve had a realization about something, I often say to myself, “of course, never assume ziig!” like I’ve had a light bulb turned on above my head highlighting the obvious. I heard this statement before I was a child and youth care practitioner and felt it was applicable in this area of practice. The longer I had been in the field, the more I began to cherish it’s profound meaning.
I find ‘never assume’ to be a good reminder. Helping professionals often want things to be clear and definite, and I find that things are not always what they seem and if we look at a situation differently with some perspective, we discover so much more than what was originally presented. Being actively engaged in practice, I find it important to pause and challenge myself, or others, when assumptions about a young person or situation are made. Actively questioning and examining context, our beliefs and ideas, is crucial to fully understanding the whole person.
Often, I find that practitioners are quick to fill in the blanks of information when they are confronted with the unknown of a person’s story. When this happens, it can be harmful confirming pre-conceived ideas that the practitioner may have. My mind works rapidly in practice, which is a strength, however I have also been quick to make judgments and assumptions with little supporting information. This is human. When I notice this has happened, I tend to stop and acknowledge that my mind is getting ahead of itself, and I ask myself the following questions:
Additionally, the need to collectively confront people being introduced by their 'deficit(s)’ not ‘who they are’, continues to happen. Only when assumptions are seen, can this inform judgments and biases. When workers make assumptions, it can restrict access to supportive community services from worker to service user, which in turn impacts the overall quality of care. To me, it is important that the people we serve feel kindness from those who have chosen to take on the role of carer. When we shift our thinking to, how will I show up in kindness today with a person, it opens us to see their life as valuable, and in their entirety. It is in these moments that our daily interactions start to transform. I have found people often have a protective layer to shield them. These shields are often carved from their experiences, and when workers challenge their own perceptions (assumptions), they have a better chance of seeing someone for who they authentically are, in their wholeness. I once had a client who spoke to me about the relief of being understood and recognized for all parts of who they were. How beautiful is it to be noticed in the wholeness of who you are.
We are all conditioned in certain ways, and we need to acknowledge this and accept it to be able to fully dismantle ingrained thinking patterns, making room for an expanded awareness and meaningful learning. People are complex and unique, and they will surprise us. (I even surprise myself from time to time.) I find that ‘never assume’ invites me to be inquisitive, to challenge myself (or others) and to reflect as I continue to develop in practice and grow within the world.
Never Underestimate
I once worked with a young person who ‘never assumed’ and which I will never forget. When working with them they felt that they were only the stereotypes and labels that the systems and world had placed on them. They often divulged that they felt the world reinforced this negative sense of self as they often saw it being echoed back to them by many people. They talked about wanting to break the negative cycles they experienced in their life and family.
Throughout our time together, I noticed a fire in them. A determination. It was like a sleeping dragon under the surface. I noticed this sparkle of light in their eyes when they became passionate and spoke from the heart. As a child and youth care worker, I wanted to bring this out in them more. They were also motivated to prove to the world that it was wrong about who they were. Ultimately, they mentioned they felt underestimated. I noticed that they needed support to get them started on their journey, not to be alone when the adults in their life were not particularly supportive or seeing their strengths. This youth spoke about the ‘crab in the bucket mentality.’ A Coles note interpretation of this is no matter how well you do with personal or professional achievements there are always going to be people who want to drag you down and take offence that you might be doing well in your life, trying to drag you to the bottom of the bucket. People like this carry around a sense of negativity about what is possible and what someone deserves. Unfortunately, I witness this with helping professionals, which is tied back to the assumptions of the person and their life experience. Workers need to be conscious of what is projected onto others.
I noticed this youth had many skills, strengths, talents and sharp survival instincts. I could tell they craved to break the chains that the world, workers, parents, systems, community, and peers had placed around them. I also saw that other professionals were not noticing the robustness that was this young person.
I saw a young person who was unstoppable, even when they felt that they were “weak”. They were one of those kids who would be a change maker, no matter where they went or what they decided to do with their life. Despite the learned negative self-talk from the adults, they were a fighter. During our time together, we sought opportunities that ensured this young person was constructing the future they wanted while restoring (healing) their past in ways that were meaningful to them.
I was in training a few years ago, Life Space Crisis Intervention (highly recommended), facilitated by Mark Freado. During the training he mentioned that when working with young people, being genuine is something that they can feel instinctively, they look for adults who they can connect with and who are genuine, as this build’s safety and comfort. He stated, “young people have excellent detective skills, they can spot a fake a mile away.” He spoke about ‘compliments that stick’ making all the difference and what determines that the compliment or praise is lasting, is the delivery and when the compliment or sentiment is packaged in genuineness it is felt deeply, often becoming a part of the young person’s narrative.
If we are going to make ‘assumptions’ let’s look at how we can assume the positives, the strengths, assume someone’s ability and greatness. As a child and youth care worker, my goal is to locate and find the essence of hope and help to reflect that back to a young person especially when they are carrying a ‘backpack of bricks’ on their shoulders from traumas, life experiences, assumptions, judgements, negative labels, stigma and stereotypes. Let’s condition ourselves to see what young people can achieve, instead of putting limits on them and assuming that they cannot.
Humility
The conversation around challenging assumptions reminds me of a beautiful teaching that I often reflect on - humility. Child and youth care workers should prioritize active reflection to understand humility in practice. We are not always right - we mess up, it’s human. Despite my personal experiences, academic learning, and on-going training, the individuals we service are our real teachers, and they can surprise us. As workers we should want to experience the unexpected when supporting individuals.
