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Shawon, a young man in his late twenties, grew up in a children's home designed to support the children of sex workers. He and his younger sister spent twelve years there before transitioning out just before the COVID-19 pandemic. His inspiring story sheds light on the transformative power of well-run residential care and the often-overlooked aspirations of care leavers.
Revisiting Shawon’s journey after twenty years through WhatsApp conversations has been a humbling experience. The memories, reflections, and gratitude he shared offer insights into his resilience, the value of care, and his determination to achieve his dream of becoming a head chef for an international airline. It also reflected on broader debates surrounding residential care, critiquing simplistic assumptions about deinstitutionalisation and presenting a more nuanced perspective on the value of well-run children’s homes.
Early Memories: A Shy Boy with Radiant Smile
When I left the organisation to pursue my PhD, Shawon was a remarkably shy yet bright eight-year-old. Despite his initial reserve, Shawon’s expressive eyes, radiant smile, warmth, and intelligence quickly endeared him to everyone. He actively participated in the home's martial arts and dance groups, with martial arts being a mandatory activity focused on personal safety and physical development. Shawon thrived in this nurturing environment, excelling academically and becoming a favourite among peers and teachers.
Reconnection: A Journey Through Time
I reconnected with Shawon via Facebook after twenty years. Although his profile picture revealed a grown man, his familiar smile and bright eyes remain unchanged. We established communication after a hesitant friend request and a few months' wait. Once reconnected on Facebook, we shared our WhatsApp numbers to set up a video call. He was shy and humble, surprised that I was looking for him. He fondly recalled how I used to make jokes during my visits to the children's home, saying, ‘Sir, I missed you a lot!’ The younger kids were told I left the organisation for my PhD, though they didn’t quite understand what that meant.
We have spoken several times over WhatsApp, and this article is based on that discussion. We discussed many aspects, broadly focusing on his mother and sisters, his experiences at the children’s home, and life after he moved out for studies, which included his leaving care experiences and how he adapted to the world. This includes communication, connection, and networking with fellow care leavers, coping with challenges, his job, significant people, and his dreams or future plans.
Home Life: A Transformative Experience
Shawon described his time at the children's home as the most formative period of his life, filled with fun, love, and learning. He emphasised that the home instilled values of discipline, empathy, and hard work in him. He passionately acknowledges the profound impact of his upbringing, reflecting:
‘The most precious achievements were the seeds sown in me to become a good human being, to be disciplined, work hard, be humble, and help the needy. … If I were not at home, I might know about these qualities, but I wouldn't be able to practice them as I try now. Home ensured we practised what had been taught. We (all children) were like one body; there was no way anyone would be left alone or lonely.’
A Lifelong Bond with Teachers, Mentors and Friends
Shawon often spoke fondly of the teachers and friends who shaped his life at the children’s home. One teacher, affectionately called ‘Mum,’ left an indelible mark on his life. This extraordinary educator demonstrated an unparalleled ability to connect with children across different age groups, transforming challenging adolescents into dedicated and motivated individuals. Her selfless dedication, from helping with homework to providing emotional support, resonated deeply with Shawon and many others. Shawon recalled, ‘Mukti Mum used to bring special treats for all of us on her way to the children’s home from her own house... That was incredibly special and made us feel cherished.’
Shawon gratefully mentioned that he often contacts certain teachers and officials at children's homes. However, he could not locate his favourite one after her retirement. He had visited her house but couldn't find her. The current resident told him she lives 200 miles away, has devoted her life to religious activities, and does not use modern devices. Shawon is trying to get her contact details.
Gratitude to the Children’s Home
Shawon expressed his gratitude to the children’s home and the people who helped him get there.
‘If I had not been in the home, I would be on the street, in jail, or in the brothel. Many of my childhood friends, with whom I started my life in the brothel, are on the wrong path… This may not be their fault, but they didn’t take the opportunity that my mother provided by admitting me to the home… I don't know how I can repay the debt to the home. My blood, soul, breath, skin, and everything is owed to the home and the people who helped me become who I am!’
Educational Journey and Career Exploration
Shawon pursued higher education and moved to city-based student accommodation supported by the children’s home. Initially, he frequently visited the home, drawn by its warmth, discipline, and sense of family. Over time, he adapted to the independence of college life, pursuing extra-curricular activities and workshops that ignited his passion for culinary arts - path less travelled but rich with potential. He stated,
‘I knew I would be offered a job from [parent’s organisation], but after that workshop, I was searching for my passion. I discovered that cooking is my passion!'
Culinary Aspirations: Beyond Conventional Pathways
After earning a master’s degree in history, Shawon expressed a desire to pursue chef training, prompting the parent organisation to reassess its support plan. Typically, the organisation offers job placements or assistance with employment and marriage to help young people settle into their careers and stable lives. However, Shawon's unique career aspirations required significant financial investment, for which the parent organisation needed additional time to source resources and secure funding before agreeing to his dream. Despite these challenges, his determination to become a chef prevailed, aided by financial and moral support from the parent organisation and a Japanese donor couple involved with the children’s home.
Shawon’s aspiration to work in the airline industry was driven by a childhood dream of connecting with aviation. Shawon shared,
‘I couldn’t become a pilot, but I find fulfilment in preparing meals that bring joy to passengers and ensuring that unused food reaches those in need.’
Professional Evolution and Aspirations
Although the COVID-19 pandemic delayed his career, Shawon now works as an assistant chef for a national airline, helping prepare 5,000 meals daily. However, his ambitions extend further. He is preparing for the IELTS exam to qualify for an international airline role. His ultimate goal is to become a head chef, travelling globally and representing his country while giving back to his community.
Family and Connections
Shawon’s gratitude extends beyond the children’s home. His sister also benefited from the care home and lives happily with her husband and two children. Their mother, who moved out of the brothel, married and lives with her new family. Shawon maintains close bonds with his family, expressing deep gratitude for their collective achievements, ‘I'm thankful to God for what we’ve achieved together.’
He also cherishes his connections with former teachers and peers from the children’s home and frequently keeps in touch with his close friends. He fondly recalls the influence of his favourite teacher, Mukti Mum, whose absence he feels deeply. He noted that earlier today [the day I spoke with him], he talked to his colleagues about Mukti Mum, while trying out a dessert recipe she taught him. He intends to incorporate that dessert recipe into their meals beginning in January 2025.
The Challenges of Growing Up: A Look Back at Adolescence
When asked about negative experiences, Shawon candidly responded, ‘Honestly, sir, I don't have any bitter experiences.’ However, he acknowledged occasional disagreements and strict discipline but viewed these moments as integral to his growth. He reflected,
‘We (the kids) were often upset; we fought and argued. When we complained to the teachers, sometimes I got in trouble while other times my opponent did. I hated being punished! Yet, all those mischievous moments were a part of growing up, and I cherish those sweet memories.'
Shawon also shared humorous memories.
‘Whenever we knew you or ED sir were visiting, we tried to present our best selves! Teachers reminded us to tidy our desks, fearing you would be unhappy with a mess. Your surprise visits sometimes annoyed us, but we respected and slightly feared you both.'
Shawon also expressed mixed feelings about a former principal who enforced strict military-style discipline, causing tension among students. He recalled,
‘We were always on edge, worried about his criticisms.’ Under this retired army officer, several students faced expulsion for playful behaviour. Shawon noted, ‘Before bedtime, we engaged in friendly banter, giggling while teachers turned a blind eye, knowing we’d settle down in about 30-40 minutes. However, this military principal couldn’t tolerate our playfulness and forbade us from playing. He expected perfection, which isn’t realistic for teens in a group. At times, he seemed emotionless, almost robotic. Eventually, we saw he wasn’t entirely bad.’
When the children voiced their concerns to the Executive Director, an investigation resulted in his dismissal. ‘Thank goodness! Many of our lives could have been jeopardised if he hadn't been let go,’ Shawon remarked.
Even though he strongly disliked the military-style discipline from that principal, he now appreciates the lessons of structure and responsibility that shaped his character.
Challenges and Perspectives
Shawon remarked that he faced no significant challenges after leaving the children’s home. His chef training led him directly to employment. His life, he said, is generally comfortable, with only minor grievances.
Reflecting on our conversation, I realised Shawon remains deeply grateful for the care and opportunities he received. His humility and enthusiasm highlight the positive impact of residential care.
He is another individual like Putul and Obiadul (mentioned in previous issues of this journal) who didn’t like to go with the flow; instead, he took on challenges to pursue his passion and progress towards his dreams.
The Broader Context: Critiquing Deinstitutionalisation
Shawon’s story challenges prevalent narratives about residential care, often unfairly criticised in global discourse. Organisations such as UNICEF and their allies advocate for aggressive deinstitutionalisation, promoting family-based care as universally superior. However, research by Islam and Fulcher (2016, 2017, 2018, 2021, 2021a), Ainsworth (2005), and Henderson (2024, 2024a) highlights the dangers of dismantling residential care without robust alternatives, emphasising the risks of relying exclusively on family placements.
Henderson's (2024) comprehensive review of over 600 studies critique the ideological biases underpinning the 'family-first' narrative, which is overly simplistic and rooted in misconceptions about the inherent superiority of family settings. He presents compelling evidence that well-run residential care facilities can achieve positive outcomes across multiple domains, including mental health, educational attainment, social skills, and preparation for independent living. Ainsworth and Huefner (2024) have gone further by labelling deinstitutionalisation as a ‘fraudulent concept.’ Ainsworth (2005) and Bath (2024) cite Australia’s failed attempts to abolish residential care as cautionary tales.
Shawon’s success underscores the importance of preserving diverse care options, including residential homes, to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children, and to challenge the stigma surrounding residential care.
Residential Care: A Vital Institution
The global push to eliminate residential care often ignores evidence of its benefits. Shawon’s journey illustrates how these homes can nurture responsible, empathetic citizens who contribute positively to society. Residential care instils a sense of community, gratitude, and shared responsibility, preparing young people for future challenges.
However, powerful organisations continue to advocate for deinstitutionalisation without sufficient evidence, relying on outdated and methodologically flawed studies to prioritise ideological agendas over children’s welfare. This approach marginalises the voices of care professionals and undermines the achievements of individuals like Shawon.
Conclusion: Defending the Value of Residential Care
Shawon’s story powerfully reminds us of the transformative potential of residential child and youth care when combined with dedicated mentors, structured environments, and opportunities to pursue individual passions. His journey from a children’s home to a promising career as a chef reflects the resilience, ambition, and values fostered by these institutions.
The ongoing debate about deinstitutionalisation must move beyond simplistic narratives and recognise the diverse needs of children and youth. Well-run residential care can offer hope, structure, and opportunities, enabling individuals to achieve their dreams and contribute to society.
By leveraging internal connections and funding streams, these ‘anti-residential care’ entities have garnered the support of academics, researchers, campaigners, and journalists who align with their agenda. While they may seem formidable, their moral foundation remains fragile -this is where our strength lies.
As care professionals, academics, policymakers, and advocates, we must champion the evidence-based benefits of residential care while challenging harmful misconceptions and oversimplified narratives. Shawon’s story reminds us that the true measure of success lies not in ideological debates but in the lives transformed by compassionate, well-rounded care systems.
Shawon’s dream of becoming the head chef for an international airline is more than a personal aspiration—it is a tribute to the enduring impact of care, a beacon of hope for care leavers, and a call to reimagine residential childcare as a vital component of global welfare systems.
While we may not fully overcome their financial and political power, we can ensure that our voices and evidence-based perspectives are heard. Together, we can proudly tell future generations that we stood resolute in our convictions, defending the children's rights and upholding the values of care and compassion that define our profession.
References
Ainsworth, F., & Hansen, P. (2005). A dream come true - no more residential care: A corrective note. International Journal of Social Welfare, 14(3), 195–199. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2397.2005.00359.x
Bath, H. (2024) De-institutionalisation in Australia: How far is too far? The International Child and Youth Care Network, CYC-Online, 306, September 2024.
Ainsworth, F. & Huefner, J.C. (2024) Deinstitutionalization: a fraudulent concept and the resulting harm to child and family welfare services. Residential Treatment for Children & Youth. DOI: 10.1080/0886571X.2024.2424836
Henderson, B (2024) Challenging the conventional wisdom about residential care for children and youth: A good place to grow. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003435709
Henderson, B (2024) Should All Residential Care be Eliminated? The International Child and Youth Care Network. CYC-Online, 309, November 2024.
Islam, T and Fulcher, L (2021). A Developing World Rejoinder to Children’s Rights, Deinstitutionalisation and the Development of Foster Care. Practice, 34(3), 185–195. https://doi.org/10.1080/09503153.2021.2013461
Islam, T and Fulcher, L (2021) Residential Child and Youth Care in a Developing World. African Perspectives. Cape Town: CYC-NET Press.
Islam, T and Fulcher, L (2018) Residential Child and Youth Care in a Developing World. Asian and Middle East Perspectives. Cape Town: CYC-NET Press.
Islam, T and Fulcher, L (2017) Residential Child and Youth Care in a Developing World. European Perspectives. Cape Town: CYC-NET Press.
Islam, T and Fulcher, L (2016) Residential Child and Youth Care in a Developing World. Global Perspectives. Cape Town: CYC-NET Press.
