Listen to thisOne of the subjects that often crops up in my conversations with Mary is what she wants to do as a career. At the moment she’s at a school which will help her obtain a certificate in hairdressing. When I first met her she talked about leaving school and doing hairdressing or nursing, but I’ve noticed that she’s not particularly enamoured of either subject and from her school report I can see she has a good brain.
Mary is 17 soon and is growing up fast. One of the major difficulties living in care is when you “age out”. This may happen at any time from 18 to 21 but is always a difficult time. Suddenly the government stops being your parent and you’re on your own. It’s difficult to build a life from scratch with no family support, especially if you haven’t done too well at school. Research has shown that children who leave foster care with no support system are more likely than other children to end up living on the streets, in prison, suffering from mental health problems and unemployed. Children who live within a secure family environment tend to leave home in a gradual way. It may start with going to college but returning home in the holidays, or else beginning to work but living at home until they are ready to leave. Very few children are forced to survive without any help from the age of 18 onwards but this is what happens to many children leaving care.
It’s for this reason that I’ve talked to Mary about her future. I want her to know that I’m concerned and willing to help where I can. During these conversations she has recently mentioned that she would like to continue studying for her Matric (the equivalent of GCSe’s or a High School Diploma) for another year at a different school. The good news is that she has discussed this with her housemother and everyone has agreed that she should continue with her education. The next step will be to identify an appropriate school and to put in an application. Whether she will continue with her education or not isn’t definite yet, but at least the seed has been planted.
When I was growing up my parents always encouraged us in our own small business enterprises. At the age of seven I remember sitting at the roadside with my brother at a table covered in a motley array of battered old toy cars and bits and pieces with a sign saying “Second-hand toys for sale”. In my teens I made bead jewellery and sold it to tourists where I lived. While it never made me much more than a little extra pocket money, it did teach me that it was possible to earn money through my own efforts and, more importantly, it gave me the confidence to try.
One of Mary’s hobbies is baking and she makes especially tasty chocolate biscuits. One day I asked her if she had thought of selling them. She looked a bit bewildered. “Where could I sell them?”
I explained that I have a friend who runs a catering and take-away business. I had talked to my friend about Mary and she agreed to try the biscuits and sell them in her shop if they were good enough. Once we had talked it through and Mary realised it was a real possibility she became very excited about the idea. I suggested that the next time I saw her we would buy the ingredients and she would make around forty biscuits.
A couple of weeks later Mary had produced her chocolate biscuits. We carefully packaged them in cellophane bags and priced them and then took them along to my friend. After tasting one she agreed that they were delicious and we left them with her to see if they would sell. A few days later I received an email: “Biscuits sold out. Please bring more.” You can imagine how thrilled Mary was.
So now she is earning herself a little regular pocket money. Running a small business like this is a fantastic experience for older teens if it can be arranged. It helps them to learn all sorts of new skills. Mary and I have had several “meetings” where we discussed the ins and outs of her biscuit business. We purchased a notebook and I showed her how to do some basic book-keeping. I explained that I had loaned her the money to buy the original ingredients and we agreed a period of time for her to pay me back, which she did. One time a batch of her biscuits burned because she forgot to check on them. Another time she ran out of ingredients because she had not planned ahead. There was no money for her those weeks and she learned some valuable lessons about organisation. In the beginning she wanted me to do all the talking for her with my friend because she felt shy, but after a short time she was chatting away about prices and packaging with no trouble at all. This helped develop her confidence and communication skills.
Above all she has learned that it is possible for her to earn money using her own skills and talents, which I hope will stand her in good stead when she ages out of care and has to start being responsible for herself. I don’t intend to leave her in the lurch though. I hope I will always be a friend to Mary.
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Big Brothers Big Sisters is a youth mentoring non-profit organization. It was founded in the USA in 1904 and became international in 1998. The program matches youth in need with adult volunteers in one to one relationships which have a direct and lasting positive impact on the lives of the young people. For further information go to www.bbbsi.org
