Listen to thisThe author takes a thoughtful look at the importance of three specific values. She examines their relevance in her own life, as well as their need and function in the profession of Child and Youth Care. The three values she has chosen to discuss are faith, non-judgment, and honesty. While she acknowledges the significance of many other values, she recognizes the role these three have played in her development as a person and as a professional.
Values are the underlying thread of all healthy relationships. Without values, it is virtually impossible to truly know oneself, to understand what holds personal worth, or to convey to others what we believe to be important. Values need to be internalized and acted upon to be truly functional. Simply holding and understanding values is insufficient. One must be prepared to act on them on a consistent basis. It is also necessary to incorporate the values we hold into our being.
I have found that individuals who feel the need to talk incessantly about their values are often hesitant to act on them. I try very hard to act on my values, to be able to defend them, and to understand the worth they have to me and to those with whom I come in contact. I would like my values to be portrayed in a similar manner to the way Edgeworth (1993) wrote of Sir Walter Scott: “His morality is not in purple patches, ostentatiously obtrusive, but woven in through the very texture of the stuff” (p. 130). This is most assuredly how I believe values should present themselves. They should overflow into all relationships and all aspects of one’s life.
In this article, I will examine three values that are significant in my life. These values are non-judgment, courage, and faith. I will address how my values were developed and how they impact the children and youth I come in contact with. Furthermore, I will discuss how my values impact other professionals with whom I work in the field of Child and Youth Care. Throughout this article I will also explore some situations in my life where particular values were acted on. Although there are many values that are important to me and that affect my daily life, I believe that non-judgment, courage, and faith play a significant role in defining me as a person.
My values
Non-judgment
It is of the utmost importance to me to respect all people, to accept
who they are and where they've been. This is imperative to me because it
facilitates healthy and honest relationships and allows me to have an
optimistic view of human nature. I believe that there is a strong
correlation between optimism and non-judgment. Without optimism, I would
not even bother looking for the good in people. With it, I have no
choice but to see the good in others and to see their potential as well.
Seeing the good in others is what I believe to be the foundation of
non-judgment. This value is expressed most fully in action rather than
in words. When those actions speak, they say, “I do not expect or want
you to be other than you are, I love you for the good that is in you,
and look for no change” (Burney, 1993, p. 126).
I find the above quote to be inspirational and I hope that I can embody its meaning. However, it took me quite a while to understand and accept the last part of the quote. At first, I thought that saying “I look for no change” was synonymous with saying that I have no hope for people, or that I will not empower people to make changes in their lives. I have come to understand that the words mean nothing of the sort. It is possible to have hope and goals for a person without anticipating change. It is important to allow people to decide what change, if any, they want in their lives. It is not my right to decide what others need to work on; it is not my responsibility to do the work for them.
An important aspect of the value of non-judgment is allowing others the dignity to be themselves. This includes allowing people to be in control of their own existence. Another important factor, and a limitation of the first, is seeing people for who they are and accepting them as such. This is a limitation of the first factor because if I see people for who they actually are, I become fully aware of their capacity to make appropriate decisions. By seeing people’s capabilities, I am thereby able to make accurate assessments of who people are instead of standing in judgment of them.
I find this value very difficult to live by at all times. I have many biases, and I am constantly finding more. Most of my biases are based on my fear and my ignorance of subjects. There are several things I must do to change these biases. I need to be aware of my biases. One way I do this is by experiencing as many different situations as possible. Once I am aware of my bias, I can start to examine it. By doing this, I often find the source of my bias, and can then begin to educate, or re-educate, myself about the topic I am uncomfortable with. All of the work to control and eliminate biases is essential to becoming less judgmental and, idealistically, non-judgmental. While worth the challenge, this process takes a lot of courage and commitment to personal growth.
Courage
Courage is important to me because it enables me to overcome my
weaknesses and my fears. Courage comes in many forms, but the type that
I value is courage of spirit. It was written that, “Physical bravery is
an animal instinct; moral bravery is a much higher and truer courage” (Whitehead,1971, p. 21). I do not claim to be a courageous person, but I
am constantly striving to act in ways that will help me to become so.
One of the ways that I try to incorporate this value into my being is by
examining my own fears. I believe that courage exists only when it
involves conquering or overcoming fear. Neither these fears nor the act
of courage need to be huge.
Because different people have different fears, courage takes on many shapes. For some, talking to a group of people brings on feelings of fear, so getting up in front of a group of peers to give a presentation takes courage. For others, the fear of crowds can elicit such courageous acts as going shopping in a mall at Christmas time. I value the courage that I see in others on a daily basis; I recognize the risks people take. Furthermore, I recognize the risks that I take.
I am aware of the amount of courage it takes for me to think or speak highly of myself. To do this, I must overcome my fear of rejection. I believe it is this fear that disables me in numerous circumstances. For example, I have often avoided being open about who I am and I have neglected to give my opinion on important topics. I have avoided both of these integral elements in relationships and in life because of my fear of rejection. Sadly, with this fear dictating my actions, I have missed several opportunities to help others.
Altruistic helping is what guides my life. One might say that it is the fundamental principle of my existence. Therefore, the importance that courage has to me is directly related to helping. It is because of my ideology of helping, and being a helper, that I strive to be courageous. I have learned that in order to be of any assistance to others I must continually challenge my fears and my discomfort with people and situations. I have also learned that courage is related to faith. To act with courage, I must have faith in myself, in my purpose, in the world, and in the possibility of change and growth. “A man of courage is also full of faith” (Cicero, 1971, p. 47).
Faith
Kierkegaard (1999) wrote, “Without risk there is no faith, and the
greater the risk, the greater the faith” (p. 55). This statement sums up
well my definition of faith; it also complements my value of courage. I
believe that both of these values are dependent, to a large degree, on
action, and that to become an action they need to be coupled. While
faith on its own can be very powerful in creating a sense of optimism,
when it is acted upon it creates an impetus for change. Obstacles that
could otherwise seem overwhelming become less frightening or even
possible with faith. One writer commented that, “Those who are animated
by hope can perform what would seem impossibilities to those who are
under the depressing influence of fear” (Edgeworth, 1993, p. 131). For
me, my faith in many different things has helped me to overcome many
challenges in my life.
As a young child, the only thing that could comfort me when my parents would leave me at home alone was my faith; I had faith that my parents cared about me and that they would return. Whether it was the fact that my parents always did come back or the emotional comfort I got from my own faith, the value that I put in faith was reinforced. In my school years, I used my faith in myself to help me deal with the anxiety of not being smart enough and my fear of not being good enough. When people and circumstances took away my faith in humanity, my grades and my behaviour went downhill, and this led to me losing faith in myself.
Without faith in myself I was not able to be courageous. I was unable to take responsibility for my own life. I think that without faith to guide me I was living a life of fear. After years of neglecting my own being, I slowly began to develop a sense of faith again. Many people who came into my life during my adolescence helped me to see that I was a worthwhile individual. I began to regain my faith in adults and also in my future. Since that time, my faith has continued to grow like a wild flower.
What is this faithful process of spirit and seed that touches empty ground and makes it rich again? Its greater workings I cannot claim to understand. I only know that in its care, what has seemed dead is dead no longer, what has seemed lost, is no longer lost, that which some have claimed impossible, is made clearly possible, and what ground is fallow is only resting “ resting and waiting for the blessed seed to arrive on the wind with all Godspeed. And it will. (Pinkola Estes, 1995, p. 75)
Non-judgment, courage, and faith are three very important aspects of my life. Each of these values is based on the principle of helping and caring for others. There is a large amount of overlap in these values. Often one action can encompass all three values. This allows me to behave in a way that reflects my inner balance. My values have not always been well balanced internally. Many people have played vital roles in my understanding and appreciation of my values.
Development of values
She had opened her mind to the words the way an eye used to darkness, veiled with its lashes, opens cautiously to the light, and, finding it even a little blinding, closes itself too late. The light had come, and come invincibly, even after the eye had renounced it. It was too late to unsee. (Green, 1993, p. 438)
During the times in my life that I did not possess clear and identifiable values, I was lost. When the concepts of the values that I now hold were first made clear to me, many doors opened. With no other place to go, I walked freely through the doorways. Once past my place of unknowing, I found a world full of choice and decision. I delighted in the opportunity to build my own value structure and thereby rebuild myself. Before this time I was unaware that I had the capacity to choose what was important to me. I was well aware of how to have values forced on me. I was also very capable of denouncing values. I did this often with values that had been pushed on me. They had no worth to me.
I must start with my earliest experiences to give an accurate account of the development of my values. These are the experiences within my family. Some of the values that I was taught in this part of my life I have kept, and others have long since been cast aside. A few of my values that were originally developed within my family were thrown away and later reclaimed. I come from a family that does not hold any of the three values that I have spoken of in this paper. That is part of the reason I have come to hold these values so dear.
In childhood, I learned a plethora of insulting terms for people of different races, colours, and religion. I also learned to have very strong gender, age, and class schemas. From a very young age I was not comfortable with the values I was being taught. Perhaps I was most uncomfortable because the values I was being exposed to forced me not to value myself and the people I cared about. I knew that apparently girls were not as good, smart, or intelligent as boys. To believe this, and to give it worth, would involve not thinking well of myself, my mother, and my beloved grandmother. I also knew that being anything other than Christian was wrong, but my brothers and my extended family did not believe in God. I learned quickly that the values my family held did not serve me well, and so I denounced them.
After years in adolescence of being lost and not really knowing what was important to me, I met many truly amazing individuals who shed some light on my darkness and taught me how to find and open doors. While many people had an impact on the development of my values, my foster mother had the most significant impact. Through her I learned that it was all right to disagree with the values of others and that it was also all right for others to find fault with my values. Most importantly, she taught me that it is imperative that my values do not limit my vision of the world. She said that my values should make the world more clear and allow me to understand it more fully. They do.
I did not enter this world valuing non-judgment, courage, and faith. In fact, these values did not even develop during my formative years. I was taught to judge. Because of this and many other aspects of my early life, I did not have the courage to experience life or to develop my values. I also did not have faith in myself, the world, or in the fundamental goodness that I now believe exists in all people. It wasn’t until my adolescence that I was exposed to values that I agree with. In adolescence, I was also encouraged to develop my own values. Since that time I have continued to refine my values.
No one person has taught me to value any one thing. I suppose that many people have had a covert effect on the development of my values. Through role modelling, information giving, encouragement, and ultimately patience, many people have provided me with a lifetime of opportunities to learn about myself and what I value. It is my goal to provide this same opportunity to the children and youth with whom I come in contact.
Impact on working with children and youth
All of my values play an important role working with children and youth. There has not been one child or adolescent with whom I have come in contact where my values of non-judgment, courage, and faith have not played a role. Perhaps more important than the values themselves is the fact that I hold values that are important to me and I am confident in these values. It is important to hold strong values, to act on them, and to be confident in them when working with children and youth who are in care.
My value of non-judgment has enabled me to connect with youth who judge themselves and who are strongly judged by their peers, parents, and society. This value was strongly challenged when I was in the position of working with a young boy who had been labelled as a sex offender. Before working with this young man, I had many biases about sexual perpetrators. I was somewhat hesitant about working with this adolescent, and doing so initially created a large degree of dissonance for me.
It did not take me long to realize how powerful my value of non-judgment is. I found that quite easily and quickly I could see the good that existed in this young person. I was also able to acknowledge this youth’s present reality and work with his needs. Burney (1993) summed up well the learning that I did while working with this boy. She wrote, “But if the young are never tired of erring in conduct, neither are the older in erring in judgment” (p. 112).
My courage was also challenged in working with the same youth. I had to have courage that I was capable of overcoming my biases. I have also depended on my value of courage when confronting other youth on relevant issues in their lives. No matter how many times I do this, l ask myself if it is my place to do so. I must also overcome my fears of their reactions. I depend on my courage when I am working with youth who are volatile and quite capable of doing harm to me, when they are at risk of doing harm to themselves, or when their situations are so heart-breaking that I wonder if I am capable of doing them any good.
My value of courage also affects how I see the actions of the youth I work with. Because courage is important to me, I take time to recognize and acknowledge the courage of the youth I work with. I respect and admire the courage it takes for children and youth to do such things as disclose abuse they have suffered, and the courage it takes to move from the familiarities of their homes into the new experiences of living in a group home. I am overwhelmed daily by the courage that the youth I work with possess.
Faith has also played an integral role in my work with children and youth. I must have faith that I can do my job and meet the needs of those in my care. I must also have faith that the youth are capable of overcoming their hardships. I must have faith that the youth will succeed after they leave my care and that their next placement will care for them adequately. This has sometimes been the biggest test of my faith. All three of these forms of faith are difficult at times, but they also keep me sane and allow me to continue doing the work I do.
Equally as important as each value is the fact that I hold values that guide my actions. While the youth I work with do not always understand or agree with my value-based decisions and actions, it is apparent to me that they respect that I am true to my values. Because I am clear on my values, I am consistent and clear on my boundaries. This allows youth to anticipate my reaction to various behaviours and situations. Therefore, I am inadvertently empowering youth to make choices that are appropriate to relating to me. By acting in consistent accordance with my values, I have often found that youth identify in whole or in part with a value that I display and begin to redevelop their own value structures.
My values are crucial in many ways when working with children and youth. Each individual value of non-judgment, courage, and faith empowers me and facilitates the relationship between a child and me. My values also allow me to acknowledge and focus on the positives of a child. They also make my behaviour consistent and predictable, which is useful to both the youth I work with and the other professionals I work in conjunction with.
Impact on working with other professionals
My values play an important role when working with other professionals in the field of Child and Youth Care. Moreover, my consistent action in accordance with my values plays an invaluable role. By being clear on my values, understanding their purpose, and acting on them consistently, other Child and Youth Care professionals are able to see my objectives and feel confident in predicting the support they will receive from me. In the often busy setting of residential Child and Youth Care work, it is essential that all members of the treatment team can depend on each other and be secure in the motives of their co-workers.
Not only do my values allow my co-workers to depend on consistent work from me, they also enable me to stand up for what I believe is important for the children and youth in my care. Without clear values I would not be able to be an impetus for change and growth within my workplace, its guiding agency, or the child welfare system. I believe that a large part of my role as a Child and Youth Care counsellor is to be an advocate for children and youth. As such I must be able to stand up and defend the values that bring worthwhile and comprehensive change to the lives of children in care.
The importance of values is insurmountable within the field of Child and Youth Care. When internalized and acted upon consistently, values can build strong teams of professionals, allowing all team members to depend on one another and be secure in the reactions of their co-workers. The clear values of Child and Youth Care professionals also encourage the advocacy of the rights of children and youth and of the professionals serving this population.
Conclusion
My values are essential in my personal life and in my professional life as a Child and Youth Care counsellor. My value of non-judgment enables me to work effectively with a variety of different youth and different professionals. Courage has empowered me to overcome many fears and biases. The strong value I place on courage also helps me to recognize the amazing courage that others possess. Likewise, faith permits me to look at the youth I work with, their situations, and my own life in an optimistic way.
I have talked about each of these three values and how they were developed. I have discussed forming factors of each value as well as the overall formation of my value structure. Many events and people in my life impacted the development of my values, but I take responsibility for the continuing refinement of my values. I work hard to incorporate all of my values into my daily life.
Two aspects of my life were discussed in conjunction with my values in this article. The impact of my values on working with children and youth and the impact of my values on working with other professionals have many similar aspects. Consistency of my actions and dependability are two aspects that impact both the youth and the professionals I work with. One of the most significant points of the impact of my values on youth is that by having clear and identifiable values, I give children and youth the opportunity to learn to build their own value structures. When working with other professionals who also have clear values, I am able to be a part of a strong working team. I am also able to be an impetus for change within the child welfare system. Encouraging any change involves a commitment to acting on my values.
Acting on values has been a consistent underlying theme in this
discussion of my personal values. As I stated in the introduction to
this article, it is my opinion that values need to be acted on for them
to be truly functional. Where I originally doubted that I acted
frequently on my values, I have learned through the process of writing
this article that often I do act on my values. I am glad to have
realized this about myself. It is important to me to not only hold
values, but also be willing to act on them. Germaine de Stael (1993)
wrote, “The greatest happiness is to transform one’s feelings into
actions” (p. 129). I think she was right.
References
Burney, F. (1993). In E. Partrow (Ed.). The new quotable woman. New York. Penguin.
Cicero. (1971). In H. Whaley (Ed.). Courage: the little book of brave thoughts. Mount Vernon, NY. Peter Pauper Press.
de Stael, G. (1993). In E. Partrow (Ed.). The new quotable woman. New York. Penguin.
Edgeworth, M. (1993). In E. Partrow (Ed.). The new quotable woman. New York. Penguin.
Green, H. (1993). In E. Partrow (Ed.). The new quotable woman. New York. Penguin.
Kierkegaard, S. (1999). In S. Keen (Ed.). Learning to fly. New York. Random House.
Pinkola Estes, C. (1995). The faithful gardener. San Francisco, CA. Harper Collins.
Whitehead, W. (1971). In H. Whaley (Ed.). Courage: A little book of brave thoughts. Mount Vernon, NY. Peter Pauper Press.
This feature: Scrivens, Vanessa. (2001). Values.
Journal of Child and Youth Care, 14, 3. 39-47.
