Listen to thisThere is a process involved in relationship development. And yet, we often do not recognise this process. Henry Maier (1987) said, for example, “The once held notion of forming a relationship as a prelude to work is being replaced by an awareness that relationships are formed by the interactive process of investing energy and struggling together from the onset of the encounter.”
In other words, relationships evolve as our interactions evolve.
We no longer think that relationships occur before effective
interactions evolve – rather relationships evolve as our interactions
evolve.
An interesting idea because, historically, we have considered
that relationships are established and then the ‘work begins’.
Relationships were created by the practitioner and used to help the
young person do what was necessary for them to move beyond their current
state / place.
Now it seems (and I cannot reference this as it is based simply on my interpretation of things) we are expected / encouraged to enter the process of relationship development with the goal of ‘being on this journey together’. And this seems to assume that, if we can become partners in this journey, we can help us both to arrive at a satisfactory (read less painful / harmful) outcome.
Now, the foundations of this idea are not new. Articles in our literature reference ‘walking alongside’, joining in the process, working together towards a desired outcome. But what has not, to my reading, been made explicit is the idea that we, as CYC Practitioners, need to engage in and trust the process.
Engaging in the process is the easier of the two. We need to let go of our predetermined destination (for the moment) and engage with the Other, form a safe relationship in the in-between, and then, well, ‘go with it’. All the while remembering that, as the caring professional, we know that sometimes we will need to nudge the process, so it moves a little in a preferred direction.
Trusting the process, in my experience, is more difficult. It means,
for example, that we need to suspend our anxiety. As we engage in
this process, we might find ourselves, sometimes, headed in a direction
which does not seem directed towards our desired outcome. And that
means that we must trust that we, as caring professionals, are able to
influence (steer?) the process. It requires that we have faith in
our own ability to influence the outcome. And, given our
often-hesitant trust in our abilities, that can be a challenge.
However, my reading of the current situation is that we have no choice.
We need to engage with Other and we need to journey with them into the
future. But, to trust the process, we need to trust ourselves to
be able to influence the process.
And that, I would argue, is our most current challenge. Trust
ourselves to give our selves to the process. And then trust that
in entering the process, we will influence the end result of this
engagement.
So, that’s the bottom line, isn’t it: trust the process.
And that is the challenge for us all: trusting in the process.
* * *
I have been writing this series for six months now.
So, time for a break. I may or may not take this up again in the
fall. Any thoughts?
Reference
Maier, H. (1987) Editorial, Journal of Child Care, 3 (3)
