Listen to thisGrant Charles is presented with a situation, and he responds ...
Eleven o'clock Saturday morning and I’m on duty in the group home by myself, for the moment. Most of the kids are upstairs getting ready to go out for the day. I hear a commotion so I go up to see what’s going on. Four girls are in the hall outside the bathroom door talking among themselves and occasionally yelling at Susan who apparently is in the bathroom, and in their opinion has been there too long. I ask what’s going on. Alice replies. “It’s Susan. She’s hogging the bathroom and the rest of us have to get ready to go out. She’s a selfish pig.”
I ask a few questions to get clarification. The group agrees that Susan has been in the bathroom for at least 45 minutes. They have called her, pounded on the door and tried everything they can think of to get her to come out. There has been no response and they’re getting ready to knock the door in. I ask the girls to be patient and knock on the door. There’s no answer. I pound and get the same response. After I’ve tried everything, I decide I have to go in. Being male, I’m a bit worried about this but I’m also concerned about what’s going on behind the door. I try to open the door but it’s locked from the inside. I call again and finally I kick the door open and enter.
Susan is in the bathtub resting calmly in the water. She’s wearing a Walkman turned up full volume. No wonder she didn’t answer. My entering the room gets her attention and she screams, covering herself as best she can with her hands. “Get out! You pervert. You guys are all alike. Trying to get your thrills,” she screams. As I back out of the room I wonder how I’m going to deal with this situation.
...
Situation response
I’m feeling overwhelmed by a wave of contradictory feelings and
thoughts. What have I done? Is Susan okay? What’s she feeling? Is she
feeling like I’ve just abused her? What’s she going to do? What’s going
to happen to me?
I also feel very confused. Has the acting out of my concern for her safety turned into a form of abuse? I’m so embarrassed. I can’t believe what I just did. One more adult charging in an unwanted way into her life. God.
I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Am I in trouble? Can I be accused of sexual harassment or assault? Will she use this as a means of getting back at me for consequencing her last week about not doing her chore? I’m feeling very vulnerable. What should I do?
This damn place. They tell us we’re responsible for the young people in our care but they never teach us how to deal with these situations. Same with school. I can tell you about Freudian theory but they never taught us how to deal with this type of situation. Damn agency. Damn school.
Why did I have to be so male? I could have telephoned for another staff member to come in and help me. But no. I had to be a hero. Break down the door and feel like a man. What’s going to happen here?
Is she okay? I can’t even go back into the bathroom to see if she is okay. I’ve got to do something. What? What should I do?
As I look around I see the other girls. On their faces are looks of concern. I backed out of the bathroom so fast that they must think something terrible has happened to Susan. Alice, however, heard what Susan said to me and she starts to laugh. This adds to my embarrassment. I want to consequence her for laughing at me.
No. It’s time to stop. I can’t give in to the panic that I’m feeling. Stop. Take a breath. There. That’s better. I need to go 'phone Jo-anne, another staff member. I need to tell her what happened. That’s what I'll do. I'll tell Jo-anne what I did. She can check to see if Susan is okay. This is going to be embarrassing. Well, I’m always on with the kids about accepting the consequences of their actions.
I'll ask one of the girls to see if Susan is okay while I call Jo-anne. Once I’ve calmed down I'll need to explain to Susan why I bashed in the door. I'll explain why I did what I did. I'll need to apologize but also tell her why I felt the need to see if she was okay. Maybe Susan, Jo-anne and I can come up with a way to avoid this type of situation. No Walkmans in the tub. No heroes in the hallway.
Maybe the agency and school have taught me how to respond in these types of situations. Think before doing. Respond from a sense of calmness, not from panic. Work in a team. In a crisis situation it’s always better to work with a team member. Co-workers can add to a sense of control. God, this is going to be embarrassing at the next team meeting. Super-worker strikes again. I'll call Jo-anne.
This feature: Charles, G. (1992). Situations in Child and Youth Care: Susan in the bathroom. Journal of Child and Youth Care, 7, 3. pp. 101-102.
