Caring People Teach Caring

Thom Garfat

I thought I would like to begin this new year, here in my corner of the western world, with an increased attitude of appreciation and gratefulness. So, I have been practicing.

I received an email holiday card from a friend the other day as many of you likely did. It was a stupid card, really (so it obviously wasn’t the one you sent). But I thought about how it said, however it said it, that the person had taken a moment to think about me in their otherwise busy life. And I appreciated that “got me beyond the judgment and into the appreciation.

I live in a culture where the exchange of gifts is a Christmas holiday tradition. More and more over the years I find myself wishing for less and less. This year someone gave me a gift of something that I already have “and the one I have is better than the one they gave me. But I let myself think about how kind it was of them to think of me and to go so far as to actually take the trouble to decide on and wrap up a present for me. And I appreciated how they knew enough to get me something I would want (after all, I have one so I must like it). That was a kind act on their part. That kind act was, in itself, the greatest of gifts “I mean, what is kinder than acting with generosity towards another person. What the gift was, was far less important than that the gift was.

I was walking down the street yesterday and encountered a neighbor. As we approached he took of his glove and extended his hand for a Holiday handshake. It was minus 15 and I really would have encouraged him to leave the gloves on “but it was a gesture of human contact and connection. Another great gift, don’t you think?

My old great aunt Betty remembers my birthday every year. She’s 91 so I am not really sure how she does it but she does. I don’t really care how she does it “I just love getting a card and scrawled note in the mail from this old lady who, for whatever reason, has chosen to honour me with a place in her memory. Makes a guy feel pretty special, it does. That’s a feeling to be appreciated. I am grateful to have her in my life.

I was also thinking over the holiday break “call it Christmas, call it whatever you want “about how fortunate I am to be able to work with people “yes, the young folks and their families “but I was thinking more about the people who work with young people and their families. It got me to thinking about what a great gift that is “to have professional colleagues who care enough to do caring with others. Sure does beat my first warehouse job.

This thought popped up: “Caring people teach caring”. If we do nothing else in our work but teach caring, that would, in itself, be a wonderful thing. And I think that we can do that by helping others to “notice” the little things about which they might be grateful. I am not talking about being silly here, like “noticing that the bully paid attention to you” “but you could be grateful it wasn’t worse. I am thinking about how we might help people who do not always think they are worth noticing all the ways in which people say that they are “like a wave or a smile, or the simple nod of the head, the gift of acknowledgement. Or noticing the little ways people reach out to them, whoever those people are, like the friend who drops you a note, the relative who gives you a useless present, or the bump of the shoulder of an acquaintance; the gift of contact. Or noticing how they are able to think their own thoughts and make their own decisions; the gift of free will and independence. Surely these are things for which we might be grateful.

On the other hand, if you choose to be negative, to view everything as “not enough”, to see manipulation in every encounter then, there is this: aren’t you grateful that you can make that decision yourself?

Anyway, as that last comment shows, I do need to practice. So, I will. In little ways. And I will try to be grateful for every time I succeed.

Thanks for this opportunity.