Listen to thisBuilding meaningful relationships with young people and families is central to CYC practice. For practitioners, who we are and how we show up in our work is a cornerstone to being able to foster genuine, supportive relationships. While we often are encouraged to explore ourselves to maintain awareness of our strengths, areas of development, and our values which help to ensure professional practice and boundaries, we do not often hear mention the role of authenticity in practice and in fostering meaningful relationships.
For this submission I (Aurrora) wanted to explore the topic of authenticity in practice with a friend and colleague who is a gifted storyteller and someone who has always been unapologetically themselves. Ziigwanbinesii and I met in a classroom however it was when we collaborated on a workshop that our relationship as colleagues and friends blossomed. Each time we visit, I leave a little bit fuller in heart, my mind ripe with new knowledge, and with a few more laugh lines to mark the joy of our meaningful relationship.
Ziigwanbinesii has always spoken with clarity about who they are and where they come from. They think deeply about relationships and our role in caring for, and with, others. So, for this short piece, I asked Ziigwanbinesii if they would have an interview conversation about authenticity with me – where it comes from, what it encompasses and what is important to remember about authenticity in practice. What follows is an edited excerpt from this interview conversation. These are their stories, and they share them with the hope that they foster inquiry and reflection about who we are as practitioners and how we show up in practice, as well as provide some insights about how to preserve authenticity in practice and in relationships with young people, colleagues, and supervisors.
Rooted in Authenticity
When I (Ziigwanbinesii) think about authenticity, I feel as though I was surrounded by it growing up. I was thinking about my grandma and my uncle, who were very present in my life. I feel as though all these people just brought all of their wisdom to my life really early on. They would say ‘this is how I got so wise, it was through the pain or through these experiences’. My Uncle and I would go on long drives, and we would have lots of chats. It was almost as though he was planting seeds of how to be yourself. He would say, ‘just because I've done these things or I've worked here or done this, it's a part of who I am, but it's not all of who I am’. He would say ‘don’t be afraid to make life what you want it to be’.
My parents were very authentic my whole life. When I was growing up, they would stop what was going on and they would say, ‘This is why this is happening because we didn't have this, or we did have this. This is the decisions we made’. My whole life, my parents were very open with me; they were always very transparent. My parents are very good teachers and I really admire them and hold a lot of gratitude for them.
My parents had a lot of layered life experiences. They had good things and crappy things that happened to them. They were open about all of it and in fact used it as teachable moments. From a young age I saw them as a whole person with all the hurt, all of the experiences, and all of the good things. They also came from a place of not judging people because they lived in systems that constantly judged them. That was one of the things that I really admired about my grandma, my uncle, my mom and dad, that you could come how you were, and it didn't matter. There was so much truth, laughter, and tears. All that kind of stuff in in my early years, that's how I learned how to be authentic. It was constantly mirrored to me.
My grandma taught us pride early on. She would say, ‘you know you're an Indigenous person, walk with your chin up, 'cause your grandpa couldn't. And there's lots of reasons why that was the case, but never let anybody put limits on you’. She was always very encouraging in that way. She would say, ‘you have to show up with all that you are and don't ever be afraid to do that because most of the time, people are feeling the same way. It's OK to be vulnerable and just check in and say, ‘hey, are we feeling the same way?’ because that's also being authentic.
What Authenticity Encompasses
When I think about authenticity, I think about honesty, transparency, accountability, and communication. I think about all those things and bringing all of who you are to the everyday. When I think about authenticity, I feel like it opens the door for reciprocity with someone. When you're comfortable with being honest and sharing something about yourself, you're setting a cushion up for their vulnerability and giving people the opportunity to tell you their story. You’re not sharing the deepest, darkest part of yourself. You're not crossing the boundary. Because it’s about them. You just have to give enough, that is honest and that has enough feeling to it, that meets them where they at. You always have to keep that in mind (that it’s not about you).
With authenticity there’s a slowness about it. I don't know how comfortable people are with a slower pace. You need to sit there and just share space. You can't do anything with anybody if you don't have a relationship and authenticity is the main door opener to having a relationship. Because when you're being authentic, you're being transparent, you're communicating, you're being honest, and you're being vulnerable. As a person, when I ask you how you are? I am curious and I really want to know.
When you're authentic, it opens the door to be interconnected with somebody. From my perspective, we are interconnected to every single person, to every single living thing and creation. We share space with everything, your well-being is my well-being. It’s our created space. Authenticity is full of that interconnectedness.
We’re all Human
We all have doubts. It's important to have mentors, to have people that you can talk about situations with that align to your practice and values. To really offset doubt, we must be comfortable at digging within yourself as a practitioner. There is a serious need for self-awareness, and the ability to look internally, to see what's coming up and where that doubt rooted.
Also, when you leave an interaction, you should know how that went. If there is something you missed or need to go back to, then just go back to it. I think that shows that you're listening, and you're invested in the conversation and that you're being attentive. People love that.
One of the ways that I think that you can really develop as a practitioner is the nourishing of self. People don't talk about this enough. If you're going to survive this work as a practitioner, you have to care for self. If this is not one of your values, you're going have a lot of doubt in other areas of your practice because your mind is not there. Care for self is like self care, but these days people are so easy to brush that off. I was listening to an audio book the other day by Russ Harris and he had mentioned ‘why, do people keep talking about self-care when everybody is triggered and hates that language?’ If we just change the wording, it offers us a little bit of new perspective. If we're able to care for self, then we're going care about how we are in practice. We're going care about how we come home with the kids. We're going care about our personal relationships, our health and well-being. I think that to be able to be authentic you have to be rooted in yourself. I was very lucky to learn that from a young age from people who were rooted in themselves. They were mirroring that to me. And that's our whole job, in my opinion, as CYCs is to mirror those good qualities to people. It's also okay to acknowledge our doubts and failures. It's a learning experience.
The Role of Partnering
On one hand you hear, it's imperative to know who you are and to be able to show up as you are. Then on the other hand, you hear don't cross the line. How do you know where the line is and when you’re sharing the right thing? This is interesting, because you're learning and then you're also expected to do it. But where is the partnership in practice? The Mentoring? The shadowing? The doing together? I think being able to see how the work is done is important. It can be really hard, but I think there's such an importance in observing and mentoring. I'm always looking for teachers and now others are looking at me to be a mentor, that's the beauty of it, you're always learning and developing. To me, I still feel like I started in the field yesterday because this work always feels new. Practice in partnership is something I'm feeling that we're missing. Ideally, we want opportunities to reflect and recognize any shifts in thinking and doing while in practice. When you're authentic, you can give a multi level perspective on things. I feel that when we look to nature, how creation grows and flourishes in partnership with one another it gives us clear examples of how we should be functioning as people. It’s a beautiful thing, each plant has unique qualities that when planted near others, benefit each other. This is the same as humans - we all benefit from certain qualities in relationships (being connected). Looking at which plants thrive when they are in relationship with each other highlights the wisdom from the world around us, so that we may carry this understand with us, with other Child and Youth Care practitioners, our clients, and personally.
About Self Development
Those things that you're not comfortable with, pick one and practice it. Consider what you want to accomplish in a year in your practice. Think quarterly. I'm going to work on one skill, and I'm going to practice it. So, when I come out of that year, I’ll have four skills.
That's how my mind works. There's always something to learn.
Can We Ever Separate from Our Work?
Our hearts never turn off. So, it is unrealistic, as a human doing this work, to not bring my work home. It's within me. It's within this interaction that we have. I can't just separate that and say ‘oh, that file stays over there’. That’s not how love works. Love is always in motion. My mind is always on, and I like to problem solve using love, and I think that’s okay.
Staying True to Yourself
I find that when I go to non-Indigenous spaces, sometimes people will say well there's no value in stories. And that's interesting to me. I feel as though I am sometimes walking in two worlds. You need to be very comfortable in who you are and your story. When I am with children and youth, we’re supposed to bring all of ourselves to that interaction and we’re constantly teaching. In my culture and in the way that I do things, we share true stories, and we share through our own personal experiences. I love hearing people's stories and that's why I'm in love with this work because everybody has a story.
My advice would be to make sure that you've done some work and that you're comfortable in the things that you're sharing. Because once it's out there, it's out there. A lot of people learn through stories because they’re tied to emotions. For me, being emotional is vulnerable and that’s a part of being authentic and how I practice. People often want to avoid or separate the emotions from practice and to me, that’s not relational.
Words of Wisdom
Connection is the correction. I view that as very important in my life, and it was also shown to me in the adults that raised me. Connection and belonging helped correct them. It helped nourish them, make them feel purposeful and to move in different, better, and positive ways. I think that to be authentic, you have to connect. Connection is the correction is something that flies through my head a lot because with a lot of the young people I work with, they'll constantly say that they don't feel listened to. They don't feel heard. They don't feel seen. Nobody is there for them; therefore, the feeling of disconnection runs deep, and my job is to support opportunities to facilitate connections to heal that wound.
It’s also important to get to know yourself unapologetically. Get to know who you are. Get to know your core wounds. Get to know your strengths and your gifts. Get to know where you want to be, and what you stand for.
This makes a big difference, not only in your professional development, but also in your personal life. We as people are always evolving and changing.
I recently came across a quote that I etched into one of my old school books. It was in a reflective piece. This quote still resonates with me and is something I actively put into practice:
“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” - Albert Camus
This is so important to me in my work as a Child and Youth Care practitioner. We walk alongside, equally. Treating people as humans is how we embody authenticity in practice. We forget that any of us could be in someone else’s shoes with a snap of a finger. We need to be humble with each interaction and remind ourselves how precious these interactions are with each person we come across. I always approach each person as a new opportunity, thinking about how I will never meet someone like this again and how special it is that I am a part of this. What a gift.
