Listen to thisIntroduction
I read Mark Smith’s paper “Rub a Dub Dub” in this Journal with a great
deal of interest as I think we are on the cusp of a new discussion
around the roles and experiences of males in Child and Youth Care. I am
increasingly finding a serious level of dis-satisfaction amongst male
students and male Child and Youth Care workers around the perception of
men, the tasks allocated to males and their experiences of being men in
the 21st century.
It is worth quoting one of the CYC-Net co-editors at this early stage:
This is no average task “this task of the care and treatment of troubled young people. It is not about the satisfaction of everyday wants and desires. It is about meeting needs. It is about today, and tomorrow, and all the future tomorrows of these young people. It is about how we can utilize our knowledge, our skills, and our presence to help them have a future life of less pain and more satisfaction. Ultimately, it is about how they will lead their lives and how they, in turn, will raise their children to lead their own respective lives. Their futures, like all of ours, are built one day at a time “one tomorrow following indisputably after another (Garfat, 2003, in press).
On meeting men in the field
At the recent annual conference of the Irish Association of Social Care
Educators held in Cork, Ireland (16th and 17th October) I presented a
paper detailing some of the findings of a national study I am
co-authoring and due to publish next month about males in Child and Youth Care. At this conference, there was only one male student present
on day one, which I find disappointing. He recounted that he was one
male amongst fourteen female Degree students. Leaving aside all the
jokes that one might think of (nod, nod, wink, wink about his chances of
striking lucky) he was fundamentally unhappy. Let’s call this guy,
Harry.
Harry explained how he felt that he often could not engage meaningfully in class discussions about practice-based issues for fear of ridicule and that he continually experienced statements such as, “Well, you’re a man. You would say that” and “Of course, that’s a real male attitude to that issue”. These comments were understood by Harry as being belittling, whatever their intent. It cannot be easy being the only male in a female environment. What role models does Harry have? How can he enter into a safe emotional space? How can he model this for children in his care?
Now, I am the first to admit that women have had a very poor deal from us men down through the centuries. But, over the past decades things have gotten somewhat better. There is much greater representation of women at all levels of social and political life. I need hardly remind any readers that the last two Presidents of Ireland have been women (both University-educated Lawyers) and our current Tanaiste (Deputy Prime Minister) is female. There is, thus, hope for the future. I would not like to see deliberate reverse discrimination creeping in now that the sexes have moved forward in their understanding and appreciation of one another.
And yet, I see a new report showing that male teachers regard sex education as “women's work”. Only 10% of male teachers are willing to attend in-service training on social and sex education initiatives. Interestingly, male teachers have indicated that they would attend such training “provided a supportive environment is provided” (Irish Times, 23.10.03). Perhaps the most worrying aspect of the report is that male biology teachers are able to discuss (at some length if my memory serves me!) the mechanics of sex but male teachers en masse shy away from the relationships side of this discourse. Why? Well, my thinking (having gone to five sites across the country and having co-analysed some 500 questionnaires) is that males are not encouraged in a sustained and meaningful way to explore relationships outside of their immediate family environs. Men, thus, simply often don’t have the language of emotional expression.
There are times when it is OK to express ourselves emotionally. I can think of literally dozens of rugby matches over the years (I have been supporting the Irish team at home and abroad for over twenty-five years now) where I have hugged and kissed complete strangers, of both sexes, when we either scored a try in the dying moments of a game or actually won something. Men can openly cry at sporting events without too much fear of ridicule. Men can openly cry at funerals. Men can be emotional when drunk. Outside of these confines, it is not easy “to be a man” or a “new man”. What is “being a man” anyway?
Believe it or not, there is an emerging body of scientific explanation detailing biological reasons as to why males might find it more difficult than females to express themselves. Apparently the male brain secretes less of the primary bonding chemical oxytocin and less of the calming chemical serotonin (Daily Telegraph, 4.10.03). So don’t blame us. Blame evolution.
All of this discussion on men and masculinities has direct relevance for Child and Youth Care practice. In our national study here in Ireland, of a population sample of some 2,477 third-level students, only 10% of staff are male. Over the next five years there are going to be fewer and fewer males working with children. There is a crisis looming.
Of these 10%, I wonder how many males are able to emotionally express themselves? How many children and youth are being influenced by what they see (and, indeed, don’t see) in their agencies from the males with whom they share their life space? If the male front line workers have difficulty expressing themselves, on whom will the children model their behaviour? As Harry said, “I know the price of nail varnish because I work with so many women”. But, he can’t discuss this with any men, and that is the tragedy. To mix sporting metaphors, we men need to step up to the plate, feed the ball out cleanly to the backs, keep the wicket and get a result. Now, that’s something most of us men can empathise with.
References
Garfat, T. (2003). “Planning for a better tomorrow”, Irish Journal of Applied Social Studies. 4:1, 2003.
Smith, M. (2003). Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Pub. CYC-Online , June 2003
