Listen to thisHow easy the tasks of the exact scientist seem when compared with our work in Child and Youth Care! They can always weigh, measure, analyse or calculate the material they work with “and come up with an exact and objective answer.
I remember in school science labs doing the old litmus test: if you wanted to know whether or not a liquid was acidic, you popped in a piece of blue litmus paper. If it stayed blue, the liquid was alkaline; if the litmus paper turned red, the liquid was was acidic. Easy! No argument!
As a new child care worker I often wished for a quick measure of the “heat" of a situation so that we could intervene at an appropriate level.
There is a sort of litmus test we child care workers could learn to apply in each of our encounters with children, and it is this:
Ask yourself, is this youngster acting with his or her mind, in a thinking state, in control of feelings and being rational (litmus = blue); or
acting with his or her heart, in a feeling state, dominated by fears or anger, and not able to be rational (litmus = red)?
If Susan comes to you and says, “I’ve been considering the choice between a hairdressing course and a secretarial course and I’m not sure which would be best for me", we can do our quick litmus test, and in this case it comes out blue, since it’s easy to conclude that Susan is using her head, is well in control of her life and is rationally working at making a choice. We therefore respond at a verbal and intellectual level: “Well, tell me what you've been thinking, and let’s talk about it ..."
But if Peter comes in and throws himself into a chair and says, “I’m just sick of my mother! She always breaks her promises!" our litmus test (this time red) quickly tells us that Peter right now is very much dominated by painful feelings, and not in any mood for an intellectual discussion. He needs “first aid". We cannot say “Tell me which promise she broke" before we have recognised the hurt he is feeling “because the message he is bringing to us is one of hurt and pain. The red litmus test tells us we must first help him with his feelings: “Yea, that's sore; You're very disappointed ..." Only when he can get a hold on and be reassured about the way he is feeling, can we begin to think objectively and perhaps constructively about his problem with his mother.
In a sense, the child care worker’s litmus test tells us whether the child's message is a direct verbal message and can be responded to directly and verbally – or whether the message is a raw cry from the heart and which therefore needs some translation.
Charlie says, “I really am struggling with this math. Do you know how I can get some extra lessons?" Litmus test blue. Charlie is dealing with his frustration very capably and has even worked out a solution for himself. Our response can be direct and verbal: “That seems a good idea. Let’s try and find someone".
Cheryl on the other hand throws her pen down and says, “This stupid math! I’m never going to get it right!" Litmus test red. Cheryl's message is primarily not about maths, but about her feelings of frustration and despair. First aid. Our initial response right now is to meet her at the level she is at: “That's getting at you, huh?" This confirms for Cheryl that you got her message, and that you read her accurately.
For Cheryl, whose uncomfortable, feelings seem close to the surface, this also establishes you as a helpful person who can be trusted to understand her – and who can therefore, play an important role in building her inner controls.
Practising the use of this simple litmus test helps us try more consciously to interpret messages accurately – and therefore to be more useful in our minute-by-minute interactions with troubled kids.
