Listen to thisOne warm afternoon, I was to work with a small group of four youngsters on an outdoor activity. We chose to play two-a-side volleyball in the hour allocated, with me as the referee. The first ten minutes went well enough, but soon I could see Colin behaving aggressively toward Trevor, purposely targeting him with very hard throws, and then passing provocative comments. This tension changed the whole atmosphere of the game, and I could see the other two boys becoming more tentative and unsure in their play. Even though Trevor was physically smaller than Colin, I knew that this would soon end in a fight “which would be the end of my group, which the kids needed more than a battle at this stage.
Before it went any further I stopped and said “Okay, let's rotate positions for a while," and I tossed the referee's whistle to Colin. “You referee the game for a period, and I'll play in your place “and then we'll rotate again."
Colin was as happy as can be in this sudden new role as controller of the game. The others were also excited by the plan that they would get a chance as referee. Trevor was obviously relieved to be off the hook and able to 'save face' in this way, and returned his attention to the game with new enthusiasm.
On the inter-personal level we had reduced the conflict potential, along with all of the anxiety and unpleasantness associated with this. And on the physical level we managed to keep the game going at a good pace, so the goals of this activity group were kept alive. More interesting, I realised that I had relinquished my own position of authority and power as the game referee (and therefore as the group leader) and all of us found our new roles fulfilling and stimulating.
In my studies I had been learning that conflict
resolution was a challenging skill, but that conflict avoidance was a
better (and easier) skill to develop in work with youth. I could have
separated Colin and Trevor, or sent Colin back to his room, or even
stopped the game to discuss the issue. Far better, though, was to keep
the activity going for the benefit of all four boys. We had planned a
special tea for after the game. It was good to arrive at this point with
the shared exhaustion of an hour's fast and furious exercise, and the
fun of doing something together. We had all earned our tea.
Comment
Byron has offered some very helpful illustrations of good practice.
Colin, being the biggest boy in the group, can easily become bored by a game if he is not being challenged, and will therefore start his own 'fun'.
An activity group ceases to be a useful part of the program when it gets hooked into negative processes like this. Have the courage to change the mix.
The orthodox rules of volleyball were secondary to the goals of this group and could easily be sacrificed. (In other situations it might of course be necessary to keep the members to the rules.)
Switching roles threw more responsibility to the boys, and made it more their own group.
Perhaps the most interesting process to be observed is that of changing the status of members of the group: from being participants under the control of a staff member, they got to call the shots. It will be possible to do more about this status change idea: for example, Byron could ask one or more of these kids to help him next week by running a volleyball group for younger kids ...
