Listen to thisThe following log was written by Megan as she started to work overnight in a residential school. These overnights were done as part of team preparation, before youth came in to the program. It is a fine reflection of the experience of overnight work in a residence and we offer it here because there is so little information on working overnights in our field. It is out hope that it might stimulate others to offer their experiences of working overnights. – Eds .
Night One
It’s now 12:42 on my first overnight shift. I’m starting to feel like I
could sleep for about 12 hours. My partner and I did a bunch of stuff
around the school and that seemed to make the time go by faster. I think
these nights could drag on and on when the kids actually get here
because we won’t be able to make as much noise as we have been making. I
also fell off the bunk bed (I was trying it out) – that kinda hurt and
made me grumpy for a bit. Right now we’re taking a bit of a break; I’m doing some things on the computer while my partner is reading the staff
communication log.
Now I feel like time is just standing still.
It’s hard to anticipate what things will be like once we start getting kids in here. I’m nervous and scared, but I’m also really excited to see what kind of students we’re going to get here. I’m also happy that I brought chocolate tonight. I think the sugar will give me a boost for a bit anyway.
So an hour has past now and I feel like I just got my second wind. We just put up some clocks, and the time just flew by. I like that feeling. Maybe the next 7 or so hours will go this fast. I hope so anyway.
My partner just came upstairs and told me that I made all the white things in the laundry pink. I think I need to pay more attention to what I’m doing. I’m an idiot. Well we fixed that problem. Note to self: don’t put in red towels with white aprons.
I think being on nights alone would be tough – and I get really nervous that we’re going to have to stay here alone one day. Its 3:30 now and I’m starting to think I’m going crazy. I was trying to stomp on a flying mosquito and we couldn’t stop laughing at that – we’re still kinda laughing about it. Being with someone else is really helping me stay awake. I think I’m at the point right now that if I don’t laugh at something then I’d probably just pass out.
This place is creepy at night. I’ve stayed here before during training, but I’ve always been sleeping. I’ve never noticed the strange noises from the kitchen area. I’ve never felt uncomfortable here before and now I do. Just walking out to my car to get my sweater – I felt scared that something was going to run out at me.
It’s just strange being here so late and awake because I’m used to so much going on during the day when I’m working, and now on nights, there’s nothing going on, except us trying to stay awake by laughing and making coffee every 35 minutes.
Three and a half hours to go. I feel like I’ve been here for a damn decade.
I just realized something. The only times that I’ve ever had to stay awake all night is when I’ve been studying, or having to write a paper, or having to do research. I think that just sitting at the computer helps me stay awake. I’ve done a bit of research tonight just for fun, and I’ve also typed out things just to have them typed out instead of writing things out. I don’t know why I bothered writing that down.
5 am. Am I done yet? If I were home right now I could be sleeping. I keep thinking about everyone else right now who’s sleeping. Damn those people who get to sleep tonight. Urgh.
6:30 am – an hour and a half left. For some strange reason I feel like I could go for another 12 hours now. I’m thinking about how tough tonight’s shift’s gonna be. I don’t think it'll be as easy as this last one felt. I just hope I’m able to sleep when I get home today.
Well I made it though my very first night shift ever. I feel a bit tired and really delusional. I learned that things that we thought were funny in the middle of our shift really weren’t funny at all – and I shouldn’t tell stories to the day workers because they just don’t get what I’m talking about. But if laughing at what was probably nothing kept me awake, that’s all that matters.
Night Two
Tonight is night number 2. The ride home this morning was scary – I was
just so tired that I actually thought I was going to have to pull over
and sleep for a while. Anyway, I made it home safely and I slept
forever. It was nice.
It’s now 10 pm on my second night – it’s been alright so far. I’m just waiting to feel sleepy and wish that I was near my bed. I’ve played guitar for most of the time that I’ve been here. It’s been nice.
3 am – I’m just about ready to drop. I’m just sitting here listening to the clock and it’s kinda driving me nuts. I’m feeling really uncomfortable and scared here again tonight. I just don’t like looking out the window and not being able to see what’s out there. I don’t like the dark. It’s creepy out there. There’s strange noises again like last night and now there’s more that I didn’t notice before and I’m hyper-vigilant to every little thing. The downstairs area always sounds like someone’s walking around down there. I don’t like it.
I don’t think I’m going to be able to stay up all night. Tonight’s not like last night. Last night I was more alert, and I laughed a lot, tonight I just want to crawl in a hole.
I think that depriving myself of sleep really is making me go insane. I’m paranoid that there’s someone in the yard looking in the windows at us. That’s crazy. I think we need blinds in here or something. Every time I walk past the big window in here I catch a glimpse of a little bit of another staff’s car and it totally freaks me out.
Now it’s 3:15. Could time go by any slower? I feel like time is crawling now and that time is against me, going slower and slower just to piss me off. I’m going to make some more coffee. I can’t stand this any more.
The second night sucks.
5 am – I think this is my favourite time of the morning. The sky is just becoming lighter again and it makes me feel a sense of accomplishment that I’ve actually made it through another night. I know the night’s not over yet, but it just feels like I’m closer to getting it done.
I love when I can start hearing the birds. They make me smile.
It’s 6:40! Wow! The night went by sooooo slow. I struggled quite a bit tonight trying to stay up – waiting for the sun to start shining so I could know that I finally made it.
I think that trying to stay awake at night is a job in itself. I feel like I’ve put in a days worth of hard work when I barely did anything. But I stayed awake. That’s what I needed to do, and now I’m beat. Despite how much I slept during the day yesterday, last night was hard. It'll take a while for my body to get used to doing this I think – when my days become my nights and my nights become my days.
I actually hallucinated tonight. I really thought that something was crawling up my arm. It was nothing, just my imagination. The first sober hallucination I’ve ever had. Strange.
I’m starting to not feel so uncomfortable here now that the sun's starting to come out. I think it’s because I can now see that there’s no strange man staring in the window at me. It makes me feel safe now.
One hour left. Hurry up damnit.
Well it’s time to go home. I think I’m going to stay here a bit longer because I’m afraid to drive.
I’m sleepy.
Third Night
I’m a zombie. I didn’t get enough sleep today, and the drive home was
terrible despite me staying here an extra half hour this morning. I’m tired and grumpy. This has turned into a bad week” which has nothing to
do with being here. I had some unfortunate news given to me tonight and
now it looks like I have to head home tomorrow on my day off.
I don’t really feel as uncomfortable and scared here as I have the nights before. I took a walk earlier in the night just to stay awake and blow off some steam. It helped me realize that there aren’t people staring in the window at me and that there really aren’t people walking around in the kitchen. So I have a lot less anxiety about being here awake at night. There are still strange noises, but I think I’m becoming used to them.
I was thinking that my next shift, which is Monday night, will probably be really different for me, and I'll probably have to start writing an entire new log. We could have our first student here, and that will make the night totally different from the last three that I’ve experienced. Over the past three nights, if I become tired, I go outside, get some fresh air or just jump around and make noises, but Monday will be different. I won’t be able to go outside for walks, or make noise and laugh about stupid things because I'll actually have to care for someone.
I wonder how long it will take my body to get used to this shift. So far my body hates me and refuses to sleep past 3 pm, even when I know I really need it. Before I started doing these shifts I would think to myself how easy this transition will be. Ya, that’s real easy!
It’s 5 am. Tonight flew by. I have a feeling though that the next 3 hours will drag on and on though because all I can think about is how much I miss my bed. Coffee is a magical thing.
The sky is starting to get lighter. I find when the sun actually does come up, my body thinks that it’s day time, time to get going and do things. But my brain is trying to say shut up I need sleep now damnit. My body wins this fight most days though – when I wake up I feel just as tired as I did when I went to bed, and I don’t make sense when I talk. If I had a hole to crawl into when I get home every morning, I think it would be different because sunlight wouldn’t be allowed in. It would be a sound-proof hole too, so I couldn’t hear the neighborhood kids and the stupid ice cream trucks that come twice a day. That would be wonderful. I would defiantly sleep until 5 every night, like I really wish to be doing.
One hour left. The last 2 hours have gone by really slow and I’m really looking forward to sleeping for a bit. I’m happy that I have one night off. This seemed like a long stretch of days. I don’t think I minded it all that much though. The ride home this morning shouldn’t be as bad as yesterday – I feel more alert than I did yesterday at this time.
Night Four
Well the one night off didn’t really do much. I had a hard time staying
awake like usual, and I actually ended up sleeping at around 2:30 am, so
that screwed up the rest of my day. So I can just imagine that tonight’s shift will be really hard unless I keep myself really busy. I actually
have a bunch of things that I can work on tonight, and I’m really
looking forward to getting them started. Staying by the computer all
night will help me stay awake and more alert, so I’m happy that I feel
like I have things to do.
It’s only 9:00 pm though, so I’ve been here for an hour. This night better start going faster.
It’s 4 am and the night is going by really fast. I don’t feel as tired as I thought. I’m still really on edge though, and the slightest thing scares me, but I am awake and at this point, that’s what I’m aiming for.
Nights are kinda fun. As much as sometimes I hate that I need to be awake, I do actually enjoy the time spent here. I’ve gotten to know my co-workers in ways that I wouldn’t have known them if I weren’t spending 12 hours each night trying to keep myself up and them at the same time. It’s been a very enjoyable experience and I actually do look forward to coming in each night.
Things happen at night that wouldn’t normally happen throughout the day. The night is a strange time. The fact that we are going on next to no sleep kicks in and we’re acting crazy and laughing uncontrollably about everything. I’m glad that I’ve had this chance to get to know these few people on an entirely different level than I would with my own friends.
I think this will still change once students start arriving, but for now we can remember how crazy we were in the middle of the night.
I feel like calling people who are sleeping right now just to wake them up. If I’m awake other people should be too.
It’s 7:00 am – I’m tired, hungry, and grumpy.
I just want my bed.
