Listen to thisIt’s Thursday night – early evening actually – and the kids are doing “house majors” – the big chores that have to be done once a week in the group home. I’m working with Bill. There’s just the two of us and seven adolescents. And the house sure seems full. Bill’s older than I am by a good bit. He’s 53. I’m 24. God, he’s older than my dad! He’s been a child care worker for almost as long as I’ve been out of diapers. We've only been working together for a few months but I can see the differences between us. I wonder why anyone would stay working on the floor for so long. Probably doesn’t have anything else he can do.
He wanders around, floating through the house sort of like an old mop dusting on its own power. I’m sharper in my movements, buzzing between moments to make sure everything gets attended to before it becomes a big problem. He doesn’t seem to worry about things building up. I do. I remember reading, “Catch it while its small and it won’t catch you when it’s bigger”. Good thinking. Nip it in the bud. “Don’t let it grow beyond your ability to handle it,” that guy said in the training.
The group is getting too noisy so I decide to step in. “Hey, guys, cool it a bit,” I say.
With no change in tempo, they all turn and look at me and I swear, really, I could see little smirks pass quickly across several faces. And just as quickly, they disappear. The group returns to what they were doing and the volume increases. “Damn,” I think. “Now I am going to have to get heavy. I hate that.”
Just as I am about to tell them to bring it down or face a consequence Bill steps up beside me, leans on the broom he’s carrying and raises his voice a little above the ruckus. “Can I have your attention, just for a moment, please?” he asks the group. The group stops, not frozen, almost curious about this new interruption. They look at Bill.
"Mike just asked you to bring it down a bit. I noticed that you all heard him and then just kept right at it. That doesn’t strike me as fair. So, what do you say we all just bring things down a bit, so we can finish up here and go on to something else? Does that work?”
He looks at each one of them in turn as he speaks, a calm patient attitude reflected in his weathered face. They look back at him – no smirks – and then get back to their chores. They’re calmer now. The volume less. Focused on the task at hand.
"Damn,” I think. “How come they do that for him, just like that, but not for me? It annoys me that he just steps in and they seem to listen. I said the same thing and got smirks.”
I decide to ask Bill how he understands it. “Bill, can I ask a question? About your work style I mean.”
“Sure Mike. What’s up? Did I annoy you by stepping in? I didn’t mean to. It’s just that I thought you were about to warn them with a consequence and I wanted to avoid that if we could. Make the rest of the evening easier.”
“Well, you’re right,” I say, annoyed again that I was so obvious. “Am I that predictable?”
“Well sometimes,” he says.
“So, I was wondering, why do you think it is that I tell them to calm down and they ignore me, yet when you tell them, they pay attention?”
“Well,” Bill says, “it is true you told them to calm down. But I think I might have asked them rather than told them. They know the difference. Maybe it’s because they've known me longer than they have you. They have a sense of what’s okay and not okay with me. And I did notice you don’t have anything in your hands,” he says, twirling his broom beside his leg.
“What do you mean I don’t have anything in my hands? I’m busy.”
"Yah, but they might have noticed I was carrying a broom,” he replies, glancing at it briefly – almost fondly I might say.
"You think that’s it? You were carrying a broom and asked them? But I had nothing in my hands and told them. Don’t you think it makes a difference that you are, well, you know, older.”
“Oh, probably,” he says, “It usually does. But maybe not for the reasons you think.”
“What do you mean?” What the hell, I was in this far, so I may as well go all the way.
“Well, since you asked,” he says, a slight laugh breaking his face, “you might think that it is because I am old enough to be their grandfather and that they treat me with a little more respect because of that. And in truth, there is something to that. But it might also be because they know that I’m not worried about what might happen. You see, I been in this business long enough to know that, in the end, if you are willing to hang in to the end, it will all work out anyway. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment. So, I don’t get tense as quick as you do, I think.”
“That’s it? You got a different attitude?”
“Well, partially. There’s also the possibility that they notice I am doing chores with them, whereas you are running around supervising them, making sure they do what they have to, but not doing any chores yourself.”
“But somebody has to keep an eye on them.”
“That’s true,” Bill says. “But you can do that and wash the floor at the same time.”
"Anything else, Bill.”
“Well, again, since you ask, there is the possibility that I focus more on the future of this moment than you do. Time will do that to you. This moment is important, Mike, but it’s only as important as the future that comes from it. Maybe if you thought a little more about where we are going from here, the kids would feel that and be a little more hopeful. I find that when people are hopeful, other people seem to want to go along with them.”
I went and got a broom.
