Listen to thisIn late May about a dozen of us who have been doing, thinking about, and teaching youth work for several years will gather in New Mexico for a retreat that I jokingly refer to as the “talk smart institute.” Most of us have wanted to do this for some time. Participants will include people familiar to many of you who read CYC-Net: Thom Garfat, Gerry Fewster, Karen Vander Ven, Carol Stuart, Jack and Marilyn Phelan, Leanne Rose, Hans and Kathy Skott Mhyre, Jerry Beker, and Doug Magnuson. In preparation for the retreat we have been suggesting questions to explore. One of the questions was suggested by Thom Garfat: How do we think about relational work? That’s a really good question, I thought when he presented it, and I have been thinking about it ever since. Here are a few of my initial thoughts.
In general, as is evident in the title of this column, I see relational work mainly as a way of being with youth in the lived experience. We bring ourselves to the moment and relate with youth, family members and other workers. Our goal together is to create as many moments of connection, discovery and empowerment for ourselves with each other.
Several years ago Mike Baizerman gave me insight into relational work in a review he wrote of my book of short stories, Buckets: Sketches from the Log Book of a Youth Worker.
Youthworkers don’t build trust mechanically like carpenters build houses, they are in the world with youth, and, in so being, disclose trust as fundamental to being together as persons. (Baizerman 1992, pp. 129-133).
A major challenge we all face in relational work is to be present, self-aware, and visible so, as Gerry Fewster says, we can mirror back our experiences of the youth. There are many distractions in our lives that keep us from remembering, doing, and understanding this. I know, for example, that I am often most present when I am doing something with someone, but I am never quite sure how I got there or why I feel that way. Henry Maier’s notion of rhythmic interactions always stands out for me when I think about this, as does Jerry Beker’s call to hear it deep and look to the questions that do so much to determine the soul of the work.
I also think about what it means to be numerous, or as George Oppen wrote to begin his classic poem, which I referred to previously in this column, Of Being Numerous:
There are things
We live among and to see them
Is to know ourselves
All of this is to say that when I think about relational Child and Youth Care work, I think of it mostly with words such as in, of, be, with, among, move, be there, be still, dance, run, act, play, understand, and do. I do not think of relational so much as relationship (long or short term, or good or bad or how to create one) but rather as a way of existing with self and other (child youth, youth work, family member) in a way that creates an atmosphere for development and relationships to occur.
What do you think? I'll let you know what some of the others say after we talk smart. Quinn Wilder who is doing his dissertation on relationships in Child and Youth Care will be taking notes. What makes this retreat extra special for me is that we will hold it near my mountain home (straw bale house and adobe Hogan studio) Suzanne and I built with friends in Northern New Mexico. One night is already planned for a sunset dinner followed by a bonfire under a sky full of stars, a perfect relational opportunity in my opinion.
