Listen to thisChild care staff, to be effective, need to develop close professional relationships with each other as they work with the kids in their agencies. The nature of their work, and the emotionally charged interactions of much of their work can create conditions in which these work relationships develop into romantic relationships. Despite advice from friends, supervisors, colleagues and sometimes explicit contractual statements warning against such relationships – they do happen. When workers become intimately involved it can be problematic not only for the two persons involved but for the agency and the kids as well.
When the persons involved are of the same level or status in the agency the problem can sometimes be managed, but when these relationships occur between a supervisor and a supervisee it can be much more risky and troublesome – a power differential is present which increases the potential of problems occurring – four of which are discussed below:
1. Favoritism
When the child care worker in this relationship is given opportunities
or rewards co-workers might see these 'goodies' going to those workers
who have special relationships with the 'boss' and not their work
competence. When this happens the organizational norm that hard work and
competence will yield appropriate rewards (pay raises, juicy
assignments, promotions, etc) becomes contaminated. Co-workers have
reason to see this situation as harmful to their interests as workers.
2. Kids sensing the relationship
It's difficult if not impossible for these 'secret' relationships to go
unnoticed and soon the kids also get wind of what's going on between the
two and will find ways to manipulate this situation for unhealthy ends.
Especially if the kids observe intimate behaviors taking place in the
work environment this will feed into their fantasies about one or the
other worker in an untherapeutic way and can cause relationships with
either partner (or both) to be confused and tainted. In a therapeutic
camp for boys, when one of the campers thought he discovered one of his
female counselors dating her male supervisor he become upset and
physically attacked both of them!
3. If the relationship ends
Its probably easier to begin a romantic relationship in a work setting
than it is to end one especially if both partners remain in the same
unit or department. However these relationships do end sometimes and
life for both partners can become quite messy as every assignment or
evaluation or pay raise, etc., becomes a subject for gossip and
questioning. Especially is this true if the relationship ended badly
with much rancor and bitterness. In this case the objectivity needed in
effective supervisor-supervisee relationships is adversely affected and
will make continued working together difficult if not impossible.
Competent staff may have to leave or at leas t be transferred to other
sectors of the agency causing disruption in the agency and no doubt hurt
feelings amongst the two.
4. Communication
When these relationships develop other staff members soon sense there is
something different in the interaction between the two (hard to hide
anything this 'juicy' in a small agency) and a gossip culture kicks in.
Communication in this culture increasingly is about this personal
relationship and its impact on the agency and rarely is this secret
relationship acknowledged or dealt with openly – nor can it be, and so
communication in the agency becomes less and less open – not a good
thing for therapeutic work with troubled young people.
However problematic such relationships are they will happen. But they will have the least chance of doing damage if the following conditions can be met:
If both parties:
are consenting and single adults
work in a large organization
are at similar levels or status in the organization
do not regularly interact with each other at work
are not dependent on each other for their work effectiveness
are in different areas or functions in the organization
For those readers who are in such relationships or who are contemplating same the above suggests that they think long and hard about this issue before jumping in or staying in this kind of relationship. The problem of course is that very few of us have choice about whom we find attractive. But we can choose whom to date and we can try to avoid situations like those described above that promise pain for you and others.
