Listen to this“Crisis is an opportunity” for learning and growth in both youth and the Child and Youth Care Counsellor. An interaction with a youth taught me that, sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do in this field is to step out of the way and allow the youth the opportunity to make choices.
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The six of us sat at the dinner table at the Open Receiving/Assessement Unit, five adolescents and myself. The residents in this co-ed facility were from a combination of Anglo-Saxon and Aboriginal backgrounds, in a community that bordered on the largest Reservation in Canada. There often was racial tension in the air as neither the white or aboriginal youth had much understanding or tolerance for one another. I would like to say much of our work was dedicated to teaching racial tolerance and understanding, but in reality we were trying to manage this diverse group as best we could.
A discussion between two youth at the table quickly escalated when one of the white youth directed a racial slur towards the lone aboriginal youth who was at the center awaiting a court hearing for theft. The response was immediate and dramatic as the aboriginal youth stood up, tipped the table in the direction of the other lad and fled to his room.
I followed the boy to his room to find him vigorously emptying his worldly possessions from the chest of drawers into a Social Services Suitcase (a green garbage bag). I sat on the bed as he told me he was leaving and no one could stop him. I agreed that no one could stop him from leaving and that even if I did attempt to stop him from leaving in the short term, he was smart enough to pick a time when there would be little or no resistance to him walking out the door.
As I sat on the bed, listening to him vent about what happened at the dinner table, I again agreed with him that the behaviour of the other youth was unacceptable and intolerable. The young fellow told me that there was no way he needed to put up with that and that he was leaving.
It was at this point that I asked him, what would be accomplished, if he ran away. His green bag stuffing slowed a bit as he pondered my response. The question seemed to calm him down a little and I noticed less anger in his voice as he responded with: “Well, at least I won’t have to put up with that asshole if I’m not here”. I acknowledged that this was true.
I then suggested to him that there are pros and cons for every action we consider or take and asked if he would mind reviewing the pros and cons for running away or staying. I suggested he wanted to be sure that running was his best option.
He stopped packing and sat down on the bed opposite me, with the green bag nestled by his feet. For approximately the next 20 minutes we reviewed the pros and cons of running away and the pros and cons of staying. As the conversation continued, the calmer and more logical his thinking became and the longer the list became of pros of staying and cons of running.
As we finished our discussion, I assured him that I believed he would make the right choice in the end. I also acknowledged that I could be wrong and that if he still thought he should run, I would be at the back door of the facility holding the door open for him.
I got up and walked from the room and went and stood at the back door. About five minutes later, he showed up at the back door, with a big smile on his face and sans the green garbage bag. He walked up to me and said, “What’s for dessert?”
I’m not sure why I did that and I’m not sure what I would have done had he still decided to leave. What that interaction taught me thought was that young people can make the right decisions for themselves if we listen and “get out of the way”.
