I have worked in a few different areas during my career. Moving from a mental health treatment centre back into community-based residential care provided a different and challenging experience. I was hired for a particular home because of my experience. The children had just come into care, and initially the home was constant chaos. Every day I was breaking up fights and completing critical incident reports. I didn't realize it at the time, but this home would become one of the most important learning experiences of my career.
What made this home different was that the children came from a culture, religion and upbringing that were different from my own. I was used to understanding the conversations that were around me, but that was not the case in this home. They often spoke another language to each other, so I had no idea what they were saying. To provide the best care and to help meet their need for safety, we created a team where most staff could speak the language their parents had spoken to them, and many identified with their religion. Out of our initial core staff, only two others had grown up in Canada like me. This was unlike any other experience in my career. With more than fifteen years of experience in the field, I thought I would be helping mentor the newly hired Child and Youth Care Workers. While that was true, I also learned so much from my co-workers and the youth.
Many of my co-workers had come to Canada with professional backgrounds and knowledge in many different areas but were starting new careers here. For many, English was not their first language. Several spoke more than one language and could speak to the youth and each other in a language I did not understand. Over time, I picked up words and bits of conversations, and we became more comfortable communicating. It took time for us to learn to joke around and understand one another. I could see the changes in the youth, the staff and myself as we learned and grew together.
Safety was very much on everyone's mind. Not only because of the nature of the job, but because some of my co-workers were also learning what it felt like to feel safe in a new country. I had never lived in another country, and I appreciated the courage it took for some of them to leave loved ones behind, sometimes because of political conflict or safety concerns in their home countries. Many still had family members living abroad and shared stories about worrying for their safety. I often witnessed how co-workers’ need for safety affected their interactions with the youth and each other. I made a point to always be there to support my coworkers, to respond to text messages or phone calls even on my days off.
Building relationships with the youth took longer for me than it did in the past. I experienced what it felt like to be an outsider. It took longer for some to trust me because I looked different from them and did not share their religion.
For a few weeks, one of the youths kept taking off my glasses. I couldn't see without them. He never broke them; he would just put them in his pocket. Once, he even took a nap with my glasses in his hoodie pocket. As frustrating as it was, I kept showing up. I knew that building a relationship would take time, and eventually I started wearing contacts for a while. Our relationship grew, and with time and space, I was able to wear my glasses again on shift.
Sometimes relationship building looked much simpler. I was one of the first staff to start reading bedtime stories even bringing in my own books I had read to my own children. I remember being told that this was something they weren’t used to or might not like. I did it anyway. Before long, other staff and youth were reading together in their rooms.
The children would often run away from the house when they were upset, frustrated or told no. I followed them in the car to bring them home. One time, I waited outside Walmart for about two hours. I knew the child was still inside because Walmart only has one entrance and exit. Every now and then, the child would pop his head out to see if I was still there. I was. Eventually, he gave up and came out to get into the car and go home.
Some of my favourite relationship-building moments happened around food. The staff were excellent cooks and were proud to prepare dishes from their cultures for the children, helping them remember where their families came from. Most of the meals I ate, I didn't even know the names of. I tried to learn some of them and even began making a few for my own family, like lentil soup and shawarma. I also got to celebrate holidays and traditions from their culture while sharing some of my own.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped allowing differences to create distance. It no longer bothered me when I couldn’t understand my coworkers or the youth speaking another language. I started seeing more of what we had in common. I always thought I was a kind and patient person, but this experience taught me that different worldviews can change what respect looks like. I naturally speak quickly and sometimes mumble, so I learned to slow down, speak more clearly and think more carefully about my choice of words. Being the minority in that workplace gave me a small taste of what many of my coworkers experience every day in other circumstances, and I carry that with me.
Sometimes being a good Child and Youth Care Worker means being willing to learn, grow and adapt. I went into that home thinking I was there to mentor others. I left realizing that sometimes the people we think we are there to mentor are the ones teaching us. I left more patient, more curious and a better Child and Youth Care Worker than when I first started.
